Hi you can call me AB… this is my first time admitting out loud I have a problem. I’m bipolar and have a sex problem. I live in a small town and at this point have made a name for myself in the worst way. I don’t want to be this way and I figured it’s time to start talking. I’ve been trying to better myself but keep falling into the cycle of getting drunk and then having sex with any guy I want. At this point I don’t know if it’s my child hood or the fact that my ex-fiancé cheated on me. 2 years ago I went down the rabbit hole. I went from being with 1 man in my whole life to being with… I don’t know honestly, I’ve woken up in so many different houses with different men and I feel gross. Today was my breaking point. My ex boyfriend broke up with me and then I had sex with 2 different guys in a span of 3 days. I want to respect my body and myself… if anyone else has had this problem I could really use someone to help me on my journey to being a better me. Do I quit dating. Quit drinking. Quit talking to guys and for how long. How do I start and how do I get to where I need to be.
I’ve never came out as a sex addict. But certainly in the last 2 years really realized yeah I’m a sex addict. I had 456 sober from all drugs alcohol, and didn’t really have sex with anyone for the whole time maybe like one or twice. Then I relapsed and got into meth and started having sex with alot of different woman, got sober again and went six months no sex drugs or alcohol. Then recently just relapsed again and realized how bad my addiction with sex and everything really was, I messaged so many girls and said some of the most derogatory stuff and had sex with a couple girls in the same day. I felt ashamed and gross, even when I was drinking in my younger days I would just drink and message multiple girls and make a fool of myself. Like you I live in a small town, and made a name for myself, if I can’t have sex when I’m using drugs I’ll sit there and just do stuff to myself for hours and it’s just annoying and disgusting. It woke me up and I realized I have alot I need to fix. I’d say stoping drinking is a good idea, when we drink we lose are inhibitions and don’t really care what we do. I’m 13 days again and no that being sober is really the only way to control all this. We need to work on are selfs and stay away from all of it for a while and just really heal and it will all come when it’s time, finding the right guy or girl. I wish you the best on your journey, stick around there is definitely alot of other sex addicts here that can help.
Haha you just made me cry lol I really appreciate it. I’ve felt so alone through this whole process and what’s funny is it just started. I always hear people say if a girl has a high body count we become undesirable. I know this road is going to be hard but I think your right. I have to cut out the drinking because it feels like they go hand-in-hand. So thank you.
Hi @AB1143 and welcome here. Good on you for wanting to change your life. It’s a great thing and it can be done.
First things first:
This is mysogyny and if ppl around you are telling you this, well they need to fuck off. you need to protect yourself. Sexist ppl have no place in recovery.
As with any addiction, you are more than your addiction. As with any addiction, it’s you who needs to understand and accept that over time. It really isn’t about anyone else.
In sex addiction you use sex to change how you feel in or about yourself. It doesn’t work, just the same as alcohol, drugs oder food don’t work for the same purposes.
The road is this: you stop your behaviour, this is called sobriety. This means in your case, stop what enables the sexual acting out. Yes, that would entail drinking, going to bars, dating, all that leads and accompanies your escapades. There are programs with other ppl struggling with similar behaviours like SA, SAA or SLAA. Google these, find meetings in your area. Be active on here. Feeling not alone is important. Honesty is paramount.
Sobriety is the baseline from which to start work to understand why you’re using sex and guys that way. What it is you’re missing in your life, your soul. You can explore this in the groups or in therapy or counseling.
Just plain abstaining from your behaviour will not give you long term relief or recovery, as you’ll find out for yourself. It’s the soul searching and engaging with yourself in the right and painful places, that’s where recovery is at for us addicts.
I wish you success and a long, beautiful journey. You are worth it!
@anon53116147 good on you for coming out. This might be the deeper level to your addiction you’ve not yet addressed and the way to make recovery stick for you. There’s no shame in it (but it feels like there is). We all have our bottom reasons for needing to check the f out. You know what to do. Find out yours. Go to work buddy. You can absolutely do it.
I’m a recovering sex addict. I have 57 days sober…You are not alone.
You can definitely start by finding a meeting… There was a blessing with Covid because now there are tons of zoom meetings. Going to these meetings has really helped me. Knowing I’m not alone. SAA / SLAA has a twelve step program just like AA.
There is help. You can do it if you want it.
And do it for you.
That’s the only way it’ll work.
One day at a time 
Hi AB, welcome! 
I’m a recovering sex addict as well (porn and masturbation in my case but the same basic problem of using my sexual behaviour to change how I feel, and not stopping even though I wanted to).
There is a path out of this. 
It helps to have help. You’re here sharing on this forum partly because you realized you couldn’t do it alone. (No one does it alone. If someone can recover alone, they probably were never really addicted. It’s like getting free from a cage. You need help to get out.)
There’s a few different ways to get help. This forum is a nice way to connect with people who are in recovery, and a great place to connect and support (like here Checking in daily to maintain focus #42) and have some fun (like these Post photos of your pets #4 and Foodies Unite #4 (trigger warning food) DON’T GO BACON MY HEART! and Post your most inspiring photos of nature #3 and there are many other interesting threads).
Me personally I gained a lot of insight and I learned a lot about practical steps from my sex addiction recovery group.
I was nervous going to that group my first time but I was welcomed warmly and I haven’t looked back. Some of my closest friends now are people I met in that group. We take walks, have BBQs, coffee, etc. I feel really blessed to have this in my life. (I didn’t before. I was so alone, in myself and in my world.)
I can hear you’re nervous about opening up about this. Sex addiction is about equal numbers for men and women, but for the women the double-standard sexist expectations of the world are there, so, many women feel deeply ashamed and conflicted about their struggle, and hide it, often in other addictions (like alcohol). My heart breaks for the women who go years and years, decades even, sometimes their whole lives, without getting the chance to be free.
It takes courage to step forward but I promise you it is worth it. I promise you will find other women in recovery when you search (at the links below you will see “women only” is a common format for meetings; take a look at those). I promise you will not regret this. I know you’re nervous. That’s ok. You can be nervous, but don’t let that stop you. (The nervousness will go away I promise; don’t let it be a chain holding you back.)
There are a few groups that can help you with a specific focus on sex addiction recovery. I’m linking online meetings here & I’ll put the in person ones below.
https://www.slaafws.org/onlinemeetings/
https://saaonline.org/meetings/index.php
There’s a good collection of in person groups here; many of these have online too if you search around:
Keep moving forward and ask yourself, “what’s the next right step” - take life one step at a time and just keep focused on that next right step, next right step, and you’ll get what you need, I promise.
Hello friend,
It’s been said already but I wanted to reiterate that the number of sexual encounters you have doesn’t decrease your worth. You are a wonderful human being who deserves everything you want, and if you’ve done some things that don’t align with your morals and you feel guilty about it, welcome to being a human!
Thank you for demonstrating such courage in reaching out for help. There is no shame in what you’ve done - you’re just a person going through life for the first time and bound to stumble once or twice as you learn to walk. Be proud of the progress you are making and remember that no matter what you’ve done, today is always a new day.
We are here for you!