Here I am, hurt and scared. I know I have a drinking problem. I tried so many times to convince myself it wasn’t problematic, but deep down I know it is, even if I haven’t yet reached a severe stage. It’s as if I’m in love with alcohol. I love the feeling sooo much.
There are so many things with wich I need professional help. I have unmanaged ADHD that affects every aspect of my life. I feel like I don’t know how to be responsible or make good decisions. I try to please everyone around me and lose myself but end up fucking up and disapointing people anyways. My doctor prescribed me Trazodone for sleep and anxiety to take from time to time in case of alcohol cravings. I do crave a drink (or 5) right now because I feel like I am about to hit rock bottom and I’m scared. I will start seeing a psychologist next tuesday. I can’t wait. I know I have changes to make in my life, but I feel overwhelmed and scared by everything.
Hey Isabelle,
That beautiful share of yours would be a great opening at an AA meeting.
I can feel your pain through the app. I can tell you’re very frightened. You definitely aren’t alone. Be with people that know what you are going through. You might find some compassion at an AA meeting before Tuesday. If not. I bet you could hear some other stories that resonate to what you’re going through.
I’m truly sorry you’re feeling so shitty.
For now read around the forum you might find something helpful.
I agree with @Dazercat an AA might help you either in person or online I prefer in person meeting for the fact of the emotion and strength in the room you will experience also try to spend as much time on here reading through the different threads you will have to problem relating to others and ask for more advice, well done on your sobriety and reaching out 
I’m also in my 20’s and am currently struggling with feeling okay sober because it’s been so long. I messed up today by switching substances; I thought I would be okay because it wasn’t alcohol. I was wrong.
I think it would be a great idea to talk to a psychiatrist and therapist. Make sure you’re honest though!! I was not and it was a waste of time because of that.
I struggle with impulsivity and lack of self control. A quote I really resonate with is “One is too many because Fifty is not enough”
This is a great idea!
My therapist keeps asking me, “when is your next meeting?”
“Why aren’t you going to a meeting?”
I don’t know what it is. But every time I go to a meeting I feel better 
I was so scared of going to AA or any meetings. They might make me………. I was afraid of what I didn’t know. No one makes me do anything. I just keep showing up with an open mind.
What a great place to be, what courage you have. This is hard. Acknowledge this and keep moving forward, step by step.
You are recognizing the problem and that is a good place to start. You are not alone.
I have that too. I got a diagnosis 3 years ago. I spoke with my doctor and I have a medical and psychiatric plan that is working for me. Speak with your medical doctor and see what is possible. Disclose your problem with alcohol, so the doctor knows.
ADHD is caused by deficits of dopamine and norepinephrine (adrenaline) in the brain. Both of these hormones serve as neurotransmitters, and the ADHD brain’s shortage of these hormones is what causes the inattention and/or hyperactivity so often observed in people with ADHD. (A shortage of neurotransmitters means little or no coordination between centres in the brain, and that means disorder and impulsivity: it’s like an orchestra with no conductor. Each individual musician is brilliant, but without a conductor there is disorder.)
Addiction is all about dopamine. Dopamine is the anticipation hormone and the “rush” of anticipation we get when we are romanticizing our addiction (“oh it would be so great, it would feel good” - that addict voice) feeds dopamine to the brain, which for the ADHD person is something the brain is very short on; that is why people with addictions are much more likely to have ADHD than the general population (people with ADHD tend to self-medicate with their addictions; at a relatively young age they accidentally find that their addictive behaviour has an effect on their ADHD, and that reinforces the addictive behaviour and thinking).
It is possible to find healthy life (which means sober life) with ADHD. It takes help from knowledgeable medical and psychological professionals, along with people who know about addiction recovery (like people on Talking Sober, and the groups and writers / podcasters here: Resources for our recovery). It is also worth learning about your ADHD. This YouTube channel (HowToADHD) is an excellent source for research-informed ADHD content:
And books by knowledgeable, science- and research-informed writers are good too. Ned Hallowell and Thomas Brown, both researchers and clinicians of ADHD, are excellent.
You can do it. The knowledge and guidance and accountability you need is out there.
Life for women with ADHD is different from life for men. It is still worthwhile to read Brown and Hallowell (above), but you should do some reading and podcast listening about women with ADHD. Sari Solden is a great writer and speaker for that:
My dear friend. I see hope for you where you struggle. I see happiness and joy where you feel fear and dread. You can overcome this disease. I am living proof for I was in a wretched state. I wanted to end my life. I lost my home. My kids. My relationship. My sanity. No friends. On the streets. Police involvement. Lawyers. Court. Money problems.
6 months sober now. Drug and alcohol free. I just bought a 3BR home next to the beach for my kids and I. We spend time together now and they love and trust and respect me. There are no more standing court problems. No more legal probs or lawyers to contend with. No more depression or anxiety. I have made new friends. Quality friends. Going back to America next month to see my family and bringing my kids too. The list goes on…and on.
The secret? I could not have done, nor can I continue to do it on my own.
Open yourself up to surrender and start going to AA meetings, get a sponsor and start working the steps. It has changed my life when nothing else worked.
God Bless You 
Wow I choked up reading this. I have been with you since your early sobriety. AA does work if you work it. Reconciliation with your kids and legal problems behind you is PRICELESS. I am so glad and thankful you continue to share your sober journey with us here.