When i first stopped drinking i thought all my problems would be solved. I thought everything would fall into place just perfectly and i would be able to take on anything thrown at me.
This was not the case.
I put up a front to make it look like i was this role model of sober living.
I started substituting my addiction with other things.
I lost all my savings gambling
I became a porn and sex addict.
I was still a liar
I was still a cheater
I was still a manipulator.
I still cant manage my anxiety
I still dont know how to cope with everyday problems or health problems that seem to arise every few years
I still smoked weed like a damn chimney. Even though i think werd can be beneficial, i was definitely abusing it
I ended up in the ER 2 days this last week because , once again, im having UNCONTROLLABLE anxiety. Thinking evrry little ache in my body is cancer. They put me on clonopin, which has suprisingly helped me. Im just scared of the ling term effects but for now its working.
So i just wanted to say sorry to the community for being a shitty person and i want to start over again being rigirously honestl from the beginning.
I went to my first aa meeting in 3 years last night and for the first time i told the people every single thing that iv done since quitting drinking. And to my suprise, the next 5 people who spoke said almost the same damn thing as me. I thought i was going to be ridiculed for smoking weed, but no, they understood and someone gave me their number and told me they would be my sponser
So here i am again, trying to be humble and 100% honest
Im steve, and im an alcoholic, sex addict, gambling addict and chonic liar.
I dont give a shit about how many days sober from alcohol i have, I just want to be able to cope with life and be a better person so i can hopefully live a fulfilling life for once.
Hi Steve and a very warm welcome back to this community.
Thank you for sharing your story and being honest.
Don’t blame yourself for what happened to you. Addiction is a really creepy desease and it’s got so many different faces to show up with. And an addict brain always tries to replace one addiction with another.
So don’t be too hard on yourself.
Get up and start fighting back!
To know about your desease is the first big thing. Read and learn and share and try. I’m glad you made it to a aa meeting and it worked so well for you.
You can reach out on here anytime you need to but building a social safety net in real life is important too, just my opinion. So you are doing great.
Professional help is another thti would bring to mind. Some issues need to be working on professionally. And it’s really good to hear that the medication works well for you right now. So don’t be worried about the medication, as long as you have a doctor or therapist who you can trustfully talk and work with.
Wishing you all the best on your journey to a better self and to the the person you want to be.
Stay strong, seak for help and take it one day at a time.
Once again, glad you’re here
Thank-you. I have a psychiatrist appontment tomorrow as well as orthopedic appointments to address the back pain ive had for years. Im going to try and give aa a real shot this time and be 100% honest. Its so hard for me to do that for some dumb reason. Lol
Firstly, you’re not a shitty person. You’re a person hurting and that is not unnatural. Welcome back to making the next step, which is committing to not being afraid to become sober.
It sounds like there are a few things you’re working through. Switching from one addiction to another is very common. What are you doing for your sobriety that’s different this time other than being a more honest person?
You’ve found one of many great communities that can and will support you!
yea this forum helped me tremendously when first getting off alcohol years ago. I havn’t relapsed on the booz but i sure have done my fair share of shady things since.
Coming back this time around, Im trying my best to face my fears and anxieties head one, instead of pushing them down with gambling and other bullshit i shouldnt be doing. Thanks for the support
Honestly, your honesty with yourself is whats so inspiring to hear. Sober, not sober people still people and we have to deal with our stuff. Not all at once. One day at a time, and that honesty with you - thank you. Xo. Wishing you the best and look forward to seeing you around
Well im searching for another sponsor already lol this guy was a dick! I wasnt allowed to txt him, i called him at 929 instead of 930 and got scolded. After i did my check in, he just said ok bye. Also said if he doesnt answer just leave my check in on his voicemail. Weird vibes all around. Im also going to try other meetings like gamblers anonymous and sa once i have reliable transportation again. Just checking in trying to be active here again.
Welcome back. There can be that kind of mentality that things will just be great when we stop drinking/drugs, right? But then we realize that many issues are still there. I’m glad to hear you’re on the pathway again and that you went to a meeting.
We can’t change the past, but we can use it as a learning tool to create the future we want by applying lessons we have learned today, in the present.
Thanks for the words. I gotta stop living in the past for sure. Its hard for me to feel like my future holds anything positive for me sometimes. Sometimes i can only think about death and how it will come.
Thanks @Mira_D hope all is well with you. Cant sleep tonight so im doordashing. Its about 3am here in kankakee, IL. Im kicking myself for buying a $3 scratchoff though during my travels. Lol
good luck with your upcoming apps
