Steve are you actually a person prone to illness.
Im not immune compromised or anything like that. Rarely get sick. Last time i was very sick was a year and a half ago or so.
Mental illness? Sure am lol
1 Like
Tw: suicidal ideation
Today and tonight absolutely sucks. Insomnia is back. Panic attacks are back. Like im being pulled back into insanity. I actually woke up from a dream asking myself if death would actually be that bad? The thought passed but it scared me. My in person psychiatrist appointment cant come fast enough. Of course i have to wait another fucking month. Anyways, im still sober just ranting about my pathetic issues. I know i dont have it as bad as a lot of people or whatever. But i guess im still trying to figure out the purpose of my life rn.
2 Likes
AA and my alcoholism was one of the greatest gifts of my life. AA fellowship and literature details a path towards reclaiming your birthright, your connection to a power greater than self. You are loved and worthy of this birthright. Check out Appendix 2. If you are curious, let that curiosity compel you to keep seeking. Keep opening up. Be willing to become willing.
3 Likes
Hey, just saw this.
Just because other people are struggling doesnât mean you are arenât allowed to struggle too. Pain doesnât need to be a competitive sport. Your feelings are your feelings and that makes them valid. All except for the ones that tell you to give up, those thoughts are liars. Sending hope that tomorrow is better, if not give the day after that a try, if not try the next day. đ©¶
5 Likes
Beautiful advice. 
2 Likes
Hope youâre OK friend. Or as good as you can be. Thinking of you
3 Likes
I donât know if this learning process ever ends, youâll have so many different things that you find purpose in over the course of your life! When everything is really dark and that darkness feels impenetrable, itâs okay to simply survive. You donât have to compare your experience to that of others or even yourself prior to this period. It will end, things will change.
In the wise words of TrustyBird,
Wishing you the best
3 Likes
Awww, thanks for calling me wise. I feel like an absolute monster today. Thank you! 
2 Likes
Holy shit am i in a bad headspace right now. I have this EXTREMELY painful cyst on my back thats making it almost impossible just to sit down and relax. Im pacing around my apartment, going into these little rits of rage because theres nothing i can do until tomorrow when im suppositly going to get it removed. My wife pulled some strings at her old dermatologists office. Her doctor friend says theres no point in going to the ER cuz they eont remove it unless its ruptured. Fucking hell. I dont do well with health related anxiety as you all know lol trying my absolute best to stay distracted. No weed for 5 or 6 days now so atleast theres that. 2000 days without alcohol even though tonight is really testing my mental limits. 
my back feels like im being stabbed over and over after being struck by a fucking bus or somthing.
4 Likes
I liked this and then immediately regretted doing so. I donât like pain for you. Is there anything that alleviates the pain? Ice, heat, standing, sitting, a shower or a bath?
Hang in there man.
1 Like
My wife told me to take 800mg of ibuprofen after talking to her dr friend so i just did that. I was really contemplating on going to the ER but i just gotta trust my wife and her medical knowlege. She says it doesnt look like theres a spreading infectiion Its weird though because the whole upper right part of my back and armpit feels literally bruised. Other than that , im switching between sittinf, laying down, standing and pacing around. My downstairs neighbors must love me right now lol
4 Likes
You have a plan which is great. Get through the night and get it looked at tomorrow. I hope the pain eases up soon.
1 Like
You are too hard on yourselfâŠhave some graceâŠprogress not perfectionâŠIâm a lot of those things youâve mentionedâŠIâve cut done on apologizing cuz it doesnât hold weightâŠbe mindful about what you can clean up and work on itâŠyou are amazing for quitting alky, the rest will follow suit
You have a band of brothers and sisters who love you but be easy on yourselfâŠyou have too many kinks and end up busting the water hose
3 Likes
Its been 40 mins since i took the pain meds and im feeling a bit better. Just watching some funny YouTube videos to pass the time. Hopefully i can get some sleep cuz i need to be up early for the appointment. Thanks for checking in w me during my rants 
4 Likes
Thanks for your comment.
Been there or thereabouts. Hang in there Steve. The relief will be massive!
1 Like
I agree. Im back to 6 days weed free rn.
3 Likes
Hope you get some relief soon.
1 Like
Hello, Steve
I feel you, I started to have a porn, social media, lies, food and adrenaline addiction, I realized that I just changed alcohol and weed for different things. Something it helps a lot is talking about what is going on and talking with others, sometimes we surprised about how others have been struggling with the same kind of behavior or addiction (they make us feel like we are not unique and the most terrible human being)
I send you a huge hug you are not alone 
1 Like