I once knew a staggeringly handsome man who wore dark hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes. An extraordinary extrovert, this man had a contagious laugh and a jubilant energy; a kind of energy that spread like fire and radiated to all who encircled him. He loved his kids and football and thanksgiving and Tom Petty and slapstick humor. He made everyone around him feel like the most important person in the world. He once owned a lovely three bedroom home in a decent neighborhood in Lacey, Washington where his wife and his precious two children lived with him. He had a fantastic career in the Carpenterās Union and enjoyed vacationing in Mexico each year. This man died of a fentanyl overdose on August 30th, 2022 at the young age of 36. This man was my husband. Thatās right, Daniel Justin Brown, husband, son, father, brother, family man, addict. You see towards the end, Daniel woke up every morning, physically ill, his body surging with pain until he would succumb to the desire to resort to numbness. True, unabashed addiction is a level of suffering I wouldnāt wish on anyone.
Daniel died on August 30th, 2022, in a tiny porta potty, with foil and a tooter in his lap. At 32 years-old, I was given the weight of telling our children of their daddyās passingā¦ He once told me that the only thing he ever did right in this world was having a part in creating Daniel and Adriana and he clung to that until the day that he left this earth. My only hope is that, in his final moments in this life, he knew that he did more than just create them. In their short years with him, they have been supplied with a lifetime of hilarity, the drive and desire to reach out to others, memories of him making an absolute fool of himself simply to bring joy to those surrounding him. I see him in both of them. Not a ājunkie,ā a āwasteā or someone ādeserving of deathā because, you know, āwhat do you expect when you do drugs?ā Yes, these are all things Iāve read about Daniel Justin Browns tragic fentanyl overdose. I see him though as a husband, son, father, brother, family man. Compassion over judgement is how I would like everyone to see him. Because each person that has fallen victim to addiction was once someone to somebodyā¦
Addiction is something you are unable to give up, despite the suffering it causes. Once the addict goes into a craving state, itās beyond willpower or intelligence. Intelligence can actually be a detriment because the smarter people are, the more they believe they can think their way out of the problem. I know that you hear that voice in your head. I know it is loud every day when it speaks. It tries to convince you that you want to use. It reminds you of all the āgood timesā you had before sobriety. It tries to convince you that things were easier when you were using. When you are in places associated with using (or even places similar to places associated with using), it floods your mind with memories. That voice comes with half-truths. It brings just enough truth for you to be willing to listen to what it is saying. But a half-truth is a whole lie. The voice tells you it is trying to help. Just know that the goal is to drag you back to the hell youāve chosen to walk away from. The life youāre living right now might not exactly be heaven, but it isnāt that hell youāve chosen to leave behind. The voice is a liar. Keep going. Donāt look back. Ever.
. You and your family are in my prayers 
addiction takes too many to soon. 
Grief is so unique and also a shared experience for those who have lost loved ones. I am glad you are here and honoring your Daniel thru your love and sobriety. Many hugs.