OK, so I have taken your advice and am planning things in for next week. I´m going to have a massage one day, am planning on doing some cooking and going to the beach etc. I´ve gone from thinking that it´s inevitable that I will drink next week to “no I am not giving up all my hard work and will not allow myself to give in”. I feel so much stronger about next week and it has so much to do with all your advice, so thank you!
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Sorry to hear about the relapse. I see so much good advice on this thread. Please dont give up…be happy you made it back. Take advantage of this oppurtunity, keep coming back snd keep on keepin’ on. Better days are ahead. 
ODAAT
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Glad to hear you have a plan, and that you’re maintaining! You got this, one day, one moment, at a time. Keep checking in!
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Sounds like a great plan my friend I believe in you! My sponsor always says “pick up the phone before you pick up a drink.”
Un dia a la vez 
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So, I am at the end of day 12 and somehow, i still haven´t had a drink. It been tough, especially as I am on my own this week, and have had to fight off some really bad cravings, but I´m trying to be strong. I have to go to a BBQ on Friday afternoon, and this is really causing me concern. I plan to go late, leave early and take my own alcoho free drink. I´ve joined an online recovery programme that is teaching me to be curious about the cravings and then let them go. i will be doing this on Friday, but I know it´s going to be tough. I really do have to go though, so I will use this anther milestone to tick off of the things I need to face sober.
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You got this! Look how far you come. You don’t want to go back and start at day one agian, it sucks! Keep going just a moment at a time. Remember how good it feels not to be hang over. Looking forward to celebrating 
two weeks
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The only two events you have to be at are your wedding and your funeral.
This event sounds really risky by your own admission. Is it really worth the risk?
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It’s early in your sobriety to be having to face these challenges and maintain your sobriety. A bbq dies seem like something that is a must. I may be wrong but in reality I don’t think any event is worth the risk of your health and sobriety is part of your healing.
Going late, leaving early, taking alcohol free drinks and staying connected to your support group are all great tools but again in early sobriety we are most vulnerable and it isn’t always the event that causes the slip but the days afterwards. I’ve seen this far too many times and would just want you to be totally conscious of your decision.
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Thank you for your comments. Not long after this, i had a big craving that i had a lot of trouble fighting. I didn’t give in, but its made me realise how fragile my sobriety still is. Its my best friends house warming bbq, so all I’m going to do is go for a bit to take the gift, sit with my friend that won’t be drinking as she has a baby and then get out of there.
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Very happy to see you checking in with 12 days sober. You are doing great!! You have definitely put in some thought on how to handle this barbecue which is really good and I truly believe it would be a solid plan if you weren’t so early in your sobriety. Like a few others have said it’s very risky putting yourself in such a tempting situation that isn’t necessary so early. To be honest I still avoid being around drinking as much as humanly possible at a little over 7 months.
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Thank you. To be honest, i think the reason i need to go is so that I can prove to everyone, including myself, that I’m still the same and im not going to disappear just because im not drinking. The thought of not going at all and wondering what im missing and what people will think if im not there is making me really sad
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That’s the thing though, right now you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. The only thing you need to do right now is make it to bed sober every night. I understand the fear of missing out & the fear of losing friendships but you’ll learn you aren’t missing out on anything that is actually more important than your sobriety. Chances are you’ll end up missing out on lots more if you end up drinking again.
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The relapse thread is littered with a bunch of people who thought the same thing. You will have a whole lifetime to go to events if you make some small sacrifice now.
I’ll be super clear and then I’m bowing out of this thread. If you do not put your sobriety first you will lose it.
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This is great advice!! I also did chuckle at the bluntness of it lol but yeah I agree. It not worth it. You stated but I really do have to go though- is there anyway you can gently explain to your best friend why you cant go? I have a feeling he would understand. I see your point as to why you wish you to go and worried over what others will think/and proving it to yourself. But i agree with everyone- it not worth it. Protecting your sobriety is. Treat it like a baby? It not yet ready to be exposed to the world and all the temptations. And as @Englishd said- I can contest to that. I replased twice with the same mentatility. I have had to say no to 1 family event so far- it wasnt easy and I was super bummed but def glad I made that decision.
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It’s okay to be a little sad. It’s okay to miss events for awhile. It shows strength and determination and self love to say no to something, to set healthy boundaries. It is 100% okay and healthy to take care of your self and avoid tempting events for awhile. We need to learn new ways of protecting our sobriety. Pretending like there have been no changes isn’t going to work in the long run. Something I had to learn in early sobriety was to avoid situations where I could easily fall into old habits.
Obviously it is up to you. But it is okay to say to your friend that you love them, but you also love yourself and need to take care of yourself right now.
Keep us posted.
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I had to change a lot of my social life to stay clean, including bowing out of events and making up excuses as to why I couldn’t go. One of my dear friends who used to be a drinking buddy kept inviting me out, and eventually I had to confess to her that I’m in recovery.
I actually wrote about it in this thread, when I was about 3 weeks sober:
She was nothing but kind and understanding. Last week after 200 days sober, I was able to go see her at her new house. No parties, no drinking or drugs, just us hanging out and eating a good dinner.
The time will come when you will be able to go to social events again. That time is not here yet. Think of it like taking antibiotics for an infection. You have to finish the antibiotics even if you start feeling better. Otherwise the infection will come back stronger and harder to treat.
If this is your best friend, they will understand. Ask to skip out on the bbq and see if you can come over another time to give them the housewarming gift–with no alcohol involved. You don’t have to try to “prove” anything, you just have to stay sober, no matter what it takes.
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Thinking of you - how are you doing?
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@SpainGuy good morning from PNW. Hope the BBQ went well and you had fun. And you were successful in going to bed sober yesterday. And that we are successful again today. You got this!
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I have the same attitude as you. I relapsed after 80 good sober days. During those days, I had good work, health, and emotions, but I relapsed after meeting an old friend. He never told me to drink, but my cravings were very strong at that time. He came from abroad on vacation, and every time he visits, he brings a bottle of scotch. My addicted brain tricked me, and the cravings became intense. I ended up drinking, which turned into 30 days of heavy drinking—losing all my hard-earned money, damaging my health, creating family problems, and even causing a car accident again.
What I’ve learned is that I must avoid people, places, and events that can lead me to take that first drink. Today is my Day 2, and this time I will put in more effort.
ODAAT, you can do it 
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You cannot just stop drinking and then go about your life exactly as you did before….sobriety in the early days is hard and sacrifices have to be made to make it your top priority until the work has been done and the time is spent to secure it, I personally did 3 months completely away from drinking when I first got sober…what’s a few months out of your life on the big scale of things? Why make it harder by being around drinking? It served me well im almost 3 years sober
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