I’ve been on this forum since last April and I’ve seen my strengths and my weaknesses. But this is a new all time low for me. I took some alcohol from my roommate, he found out and my boyfriend and I broke up with me as a result. It was two nights ago so I’m back to day 1 again. My roommate said he values trust above everything else and I betrayed that trust.
I know I have to make it right but I’m not sure of how to proceed.
Also my boyfriend and I have broken up before because of my drinking. I know I hurt him. I know he cares but I just feel so alone right now. I went to two meetings yesterday, moved a ton of my stuff out and barely slept at all.
To complicate matters even more, I work for his parents. So I went to work and told them what happened. They said I could stay with them. I’m like a daughter to them and they said in no way would this affect my job. Being out of options at the moment I took them up on their offer. I’m so scared of being homeless. But now I’m in this terribly awkward situation.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Because I know I have to work on myself and my sobriety first rather than my relationship. I’m okay with that. But I also feel like I’m drowning.
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time.
I’ve been homeless before and, yes, it does suck, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. I’m just saying that upfront to address what sounds like your worst fear. Maybe you can research what sober houses you have in your area. They are almost always run by others in sobriety and will be understanding of your situation. Though some have clean time requirements.
It sounds to me like you at least still have your job. That’s huge. And no matter what happens between you and your boyfriend, his parents still believe in you. That’s huge as well. It also sounds like you may have some kind of sober network?
Perhaps a list of three things you are grateful for each morning will help you keep a fairly positive attitude? It works pretty well for me.
When things are going rough for me, ESPECIALLY after I relapse, I too find it really important to stay connected with the program. I don’t know if you have a sponsor, but I also run things by him cuz I’m not a natural optomist. Lol. Far from it and can quickly spiral out of control into depression, anger, and despair.
Prayer and meditation are also really important for me. Especially when I am in turmoil or in panic mode. Studies have shown that when we are under that kind of stress our decision making process is compromised. Again, highlighting the need to bounce any ideas off others.
If you can get through this, you will be stronger. I’ve relapsed many times, but often I have been able to put together some years of really strong sobriety afterwards.
It’s when I stop going to meetings that I get into trouble. Hence why I find myself with just 168 days now. Living in a sober house in a city I am not really familiar with after 7 months being homeless and not really sure how to get my life together.
But I am going to meetings. Volunteering at an organization that helps people get and stay sober. Working with a sponsor. And working the steps again.
You can do this.
Please let me know how it goes.
You know, despite your circumstances, it sounds like you are in a good space in knowing you need to work your sobriety first…that is a good thing. I am glad you have a place to stay despite it being awkward.
Are the meetings helping? Do you have other things you do to be busy and active? Sometimes distraction and building new habits and hobbies helps fill the time we used to spend partying.
I am sorry you are hurting. The best and only way we can make up for past behavior is with current behavior and staying sober. And believe me, it is really worth it. The boost in your self esteem and pride is really worth it. 
P.S. Just because we sometimes do bad things, that doesn’t make us bad people.
The meetings are helping. I’ve had a lot of support in just the last 24 hours. A man bought me my first AA book and when I spoke everyone saw me burst into tears. They wrote all of their names and phone numbers and told me to call them at anytime. I started to cry again. I don’t have a sponsor yet but I really want to get one. I’m reading the book and going to go back to a meeting tonight. I’ve never felt so welcomed as I do here and those meetings. Nobody here judges or wants to see me fail. They want to be there for me. And while I still love my ex boyfriend, I’m not sure if he ever understood the nature of my addiction. He just said “you can just quit” "why do you do this to yourself?"
I can’t make him understand. But I can find the reasons for myself. And find the resolve to quit.
You will get through this my friend. I wish i could help more.
You are helping. You’re all helping because you’re here for me! All of you! I’ve never had people around me who wanted me to overcome something so much. And its a great feeling. I’m still scared out of my mind. But I imagine that feeling will pass.
I’m so happy to hear you say that. Because I’ve never felt strong in my life. But bearing all pain rather than giving in to it seems like the better option for me. Thank you for your inspirational words they mean everything to me in my recovery.
I realized I had a problem last year, right around this time. And the same boyfriend that I had broke up with me before. I’ve relapsed about 4 times. I just want this to be the last time I ever write Day 1. That’s certainly a nice goal. But I know how hard the road can be. But I want to stay positive and keep my goals simple for now. So just for today, I’m not going to drink.
I LOVE STAR WARS OH MY GOD I’M OBSESSED… Oh no I kinda had a crush on Kylo Rem ooops lol
Anyhoo. Thanks for your advice. I really mean it. I definitely feel like this is one of those dark times in my life that I need the support the most. I’ve been writing a lot and I’ll keep going to meetings. But I know myself. I get depressed easily so I’ll try my very best and stay sober just for today. I can get through this. I know I can beat it!
We are not saints. I’m not perfect. I heard a lady at a meeting yesterday say "I have got to break the mindset that I know everything, that I’ve got a handle on this shit, cause when I start thinking like that is when I drink and face all these consequences. I wanted to be able to drink and not face any consequences, but that’s just not how I’m wired"
I’m the same way as her. I don’t know everything that’s impossible. Even Stephen Hawking didn’t know everything!!!
@Betterbee42. I saw this on Insta and it seemed relevant. Try not to let what’s gone keep you in the past. The fact your saying, your on day one, is positive. It shows that despite the stuff you are still going in the right direction. I’m sure there are a lot of people who have fucked up spectacularly. I know I have but that does not define who we really are. Who are you destined to be? What great things lie ahead for you? Wishing you peace, blessings and determination.
None of us are perfect or without a past…even folks that don’t have a drinking problem aren’t perfect…so try not to be hard on yourself. It is amazing and yes, strong, to be working so hard on yourself when you are young…so bravo to you. What a gift to yourself!
Do you get much physical activity? Walking? Running? Gym or fitness classes? For me, it is much more manageable keeping anxiety and depression at bay when I work my body. It really helps me feel good, no, better than good…great, refreshed, exhausted, accomplished, strong. Finding a physical outlet has been super helpful for me. 
I love that.
Oh my gosh this just made me smile so much!!! Thanks love!!!
That’s my man!!!
Yesterday actually I went on a walk. Then I got lost and ended up walking 5 miles to get back. Oops bit it felt good. I haven’t been sleeping well so tomorrow I’m going get up early and go for a run. I’ve been writing a lot too to keep myself busy. But also I’m hopeful that maybe I’ll find some of the answers that I’m looking for.
I’ve always put a lot of pressure on myself. Whether it was aiming to please everyone (which is impossible) or trying so hard to be perfect. Its exhausting. And I think it really impacted my anxiety and depression. I’ve been so sad for so long. I don’t even know where to start.
Empire strikes back man!!! Or return of the Jedi love them both…
I definitely stress about the future. And I really don’t think it’s helped me at all. I constantly worry about the outcomes of something that hasn’t even happened yet. So let me change that:
I’m grateful for today.
I’m grateful that I have kind people in my life that want to see me get better.
I’m grateful that they are letting me stay with them. That they are so understanding.
I’m grateful that I can tackle my problems with a clear sober head.
I’m grateful for the meetings and everyone on this forum. For listening, for giving advice and sharing. For making me not feel so alone anymore.
I live in Arizona!!! No daylights savings!!! Yay!!!