Only failing if you don’t learn from it!
Plus, that’s a negativity. Fearing what other people think.
Does it matter? How do you know what they are thinking?
Mostly, people will say things about you because they are jealous of what you are doing. Don’t live in the shadow of other people!
You are you, so be the best you.
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Jbird- I was right there with you. When my father passed away 5 years ago, I too, turned to alcohol to take away the pain. During that 5 year span I did some pretty awful things, DUI included. It was a year ago on the 16th I decided enough was enough and I alone couldn’t save myself from alcohol, so I went into treatment. The single best thing I did for myself and my family! In those 2 months I was there, I learned why I drank and how to combat it. Today I am living my best life and every day am grateful to wake up not feeling like shit or wondering what crappy things I did the night before. Some don’t need treatment and can do it in their own. I couldn’t. Whatever your path, get a program—AA, this group, church, etc. But you gotta know you are not alone, and you’re not a bad person. Alcohol is a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease. I am humbled by your honesty and desire to change. If you need anything, reach out. You have a lot of alcoholic friends in this group, who are willing to walk this journey with you.
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I feel like a terrible person. I threw a bottle at my partner and kicked him. I’ve not been that angry or vile for years. I don’t understand where it came from. It’s so bad.
Reading your words gives me hope and I’ll definitely be attending something for this. I’m not strong enough to do it on my own.
I think I drink because I feel lonely or I’m board. I feel stupid even writing it. Because I’m not lonely. I have so much love around me but I sabotage it EVERY time. I hurt everyone.
I’m constantly feeling guilt. This is definitely the lowest I’ve ever been.
P.s I am sorry to hear about your dad. Losing a parent is horrific.
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Welcome. I am glad you are here. I was once standing at the same crossroad, where you now stand. I lost my Ma to pneumonia. I had medical power of attorney. She had been on a vent for 3 weeks and couldn’t breathe on her own. I made the decision to end life support. It was the right call, but I still handled the resulting grief in an unhealthy manner. I was a heavy drinker before this, but after I drank with a singular purpose…and almost lost everything good in my life in the process.
I decided to be better, and now almost three years later, I am better. Better begins with sober.
I realized it all comes down to one drink…the drink that matters…the first drink. If I say “no” to this drink, there can’t be a second or third or eighth.
And you can too.
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I am so so sorry you had to go through that. Sending a hug.
And THANK YOU for that advice. It is definitely the first drink that’s the dangerous. I’m luck I’m not at the stage of craving it. I just can’t stop when I start. It’s like I go on a mission just to get of my face. It’s been happening for years. There seems to be a pattern with me.
I feel so happy just knowing there are others out there who understand and are not judgmental. It means the world.
Well done on the 3 years. I’ll be so proud if I can do 3 weeks.
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Jbird… you need to change your mindset. You CAN do three weeks, you CAN do three years, you CAN do any length of time you want. I believe in you.
I was in the same boat as you. My mom committed suicide. I took it hard and turned to drinking to numb the pain. That drinking led to trying to put a bandage over the real problems. I finally decided to quit. There was AA, but due to my profession, I couldn’t attend. I threw all the bottles of booze away from inside my house. I went to counseling to finally deal with all the shit I had been stuffing for years. I’m less than a week away from hitting 500 days sober.
What are your hobbies? Maybe trade your alcohol addiction for something healthy? Hiking, running, fishing, shooting, cars,… the list is massive.
You got this!
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It’s literally never ending. There is a thread called the checking in daily to maintain focus #20 … Hope on there every day. It’s where all of us kinda hang out daily, so that would be a good start for you. 
Unfortunately we often change when we drink. I got myself banned from a bar. Sent angry texts full of swearwords. Sober I am so quiet. It is unbelievable how much alcohol can change us. I know the feeling of not being able to believe ur own actions. U never have to do that again. U can be free. Just don’t pick up the first drink.
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How has the past week gone for you?
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How are you doing?
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Thank you so much for checking in. I really appreciate that. The last few days I have kept myself as distracted as I possibly can. I’m 13 days sober today and it’s been hard. Really hard. I can feel myself get wound up easily and I keep crying at everything. Terrible dreams keep me waking up throughout the night and my heart hurts remembering all I’ve done wrong and for all the people I’ve upset.
But… I am doing it. Therapy seems to be helping and speaking out about it is also helping.
I’m dreading this lock down and it’s setting my anxiety through the roof. I’m just praying I countinue this journey sober throughout because I keep having these thoughts- that being drunk is easier to deal with life. I give no fucks when drunk and care to much when sober. I know that’s not a reason to pick the drink up. I just can’t shift that thought.
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Thank you so much for checking in with me. I really do appreciate you doing so.
I’m 13 days sober today. Whoop whoop. But I am struggling if honest. My heart seems to be in so much pain and the tears don’t stop. Kept myself extremely busy the last few days. Trying to distract myself from the devil on my shoulder shouting at me, encouraging me to pick up the drink.
When does it get easier? When does the mind stop playing games and taunting people who are addicts/ abusers? Because it seems to be getting harder.
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Hi love. You’re 13 days sober and you ought to be incredibly proud of yourself. That in itself is a success, so try and celebrate that if you can by doing something nice, to you.
Imagine when you get to your 2 week mark tomorrow.
Alcohol is the biggest bastard I know and all the horribles you’re feeling and experiencing is it’s allure to get back into your system again. It’s deception, but feeling it all is so necessary and it is inevitably followed by clarity, strength, esteem and self-respect and all the good stuff.
You could try writing down what you’re grateful for each morning and starting the day with that, or even taking a picture and seeing your skin brighten and eyes clear. The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace is defo worth having, and I’m reading The unexpected joy of beings sober. It’s cringeworthy and a bit light-hearted but also gritty and real.
Your system is processing the shit that’s built-up and how it is now is not how it will stay.
Sending 
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24 /7 marathon meetings on zoom. Sit and listen or talk for 5 minutes it’s entirely up to you but you are definitely not alone.
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I love this reply! Alcohol is a big nasty bastard, never a truer word spoken 
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You’ve been through a lot. Offer yourself some grace and forgiveness. If you can’t give it to yourself then let God give it to you, and take it. It must be hard for you. Some days all I can do is know is tell myself I just have to make it till midnight for his mercies are new everyday. Remember that each day is a new day, a new start. Getting up 5 times is a sign of strength because 5 times you refused to lay down and stay down. The devil wouldn’t be trying so knock you down so hard if there wasn’t something great inside of you. God will never leave you nor forsake you. He is faithful to finish the good work he started in you.
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Be stronger…nothing is so bad that a drink won’t make worse!
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Remember through this lockdown the things you can control.
Everything else is outside of your control. Remember the serenity prayer
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can’t change!”
Also remember that this community is here 24/7 if you need to chat any time.
And one last thing to remember.
“You are precisely where you are supposed to be”
Ride the waves of emotions you need to learn how.
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