I am a male from Nepal. Since i was 17 i started going to rehabs(forcefully for the first 8-9 times) now i am 30 and i can say that in a way i grew up in rehabs. Third world rehabs with no human rights-lots and LOTS of physical and mental abuses… and this is how my character’s set up. NA meetings doesn’t really work for me since i am not much of a talker nor do I empathize / sympathize with anyone. I am desperate for sobriety! I only get truly motivated to recover when I’m high. The high is gone-my motivation gone! Help! Help! Anyone out there with anything to say that might help me? Please bless me with your experience
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Keep Pushing My Love! If you ever need a friend, youve always got a friend in me.
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my brother - the fact that you were forced to go to rehab 8-9 times is so intense!!’ you have been thru so much. i’m sending you a big hug from New York.
it sounds like you find motivation when using, but once you’re sober for long enough you lose that powerful energy, and so you relapse and the cycle continues. to me it sounds like you need some more motivators!! to carry you through early sobriety and beyond!! reading about your story made me think of one that that may help:
be motivated by the fact that you are creating a new life in which you reclaim your AUTONOMY. you were forced against your will and endured torture. now YOU are the one saying “enough! this madness ends with me, by my own free will!” you are standing up for yourself, protecting yourself, honoring what you know to be true, honoring the fighter in you that’s demanding a better life for you. start empowering yourself with this mindset. your OWN self-authority, which was previously stripped from you by others, is what you’re now reclaiming. focus on that to shift yourself away from the cycle and develop a new motivator system that does not involve substances. i believe in you!!
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Thank you dear person 
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you’re welcome bro, how are you feeling today?
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I’m feeling Great! Thanks. I got this inner instinct kinda feeling yesterday night like all that madness and suffering is actually finally over. Feeling really good, and your reading your reply felt really good too. how about you? How are you? Hope to hear from you every now and then. 
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this is so great to hear! trust that inner instinct - it’s not wrong!! you are ready 
just remember that if & when this positive energy fades and you start to feel anxious or unmotivated to continue, that’s the time to really practice with your new tools, your new motivators. i suggest that you start preparing for the inevitable moments when you want to use again! the more prepared you are to face those times, the easier you’ll be able to move thru the energy without relapsing. the more you face and move thru your triggers without using, the stronger you’ll become in your sobriety!! it’s amazing!!
me, i’m doing great today thanks for asking! enjoying my 277th hangover-free morning 
i plan to go down to the river and throw rocks with my son! hope you have a wonderful day and really internalize the power of your resolve to make this incredible change in your life. i’m proud of you!
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thank you thank you thank you once again. And congratulations on your 277 day! I can only imagine how hard it must have been. In a way it must’ve been such a big thing that seemed almost impossible, but also in another way it must have been not that hard ; must’ve been easy and pleasant. Harder days were 277 back hope you have a wonderful time with your son. It’s such a beautiful world, and it’s amazing to be alive.
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i love to hear you say this bro i feel the same way i truly resonate with this. i believe in your success.
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Hi! Im almost 3 days clean now. I don’t have any serious physical sickness or withdrawals cause i was using on and off for about a month this time. But damn these mental cravings i get are really intense and makes me totally obsessed and totally blind. I never think of fighting those urges, instead i start making plans and start to think of ideas or any possible ways to get and use again. The only reason i didn’t use today was cause i got distracted from that obsession and had to be busy with other stuffs. Now I’m about to sleep and was wondering about the tools you were talking about. What are they? I cant think of any tool… I didn’t fight to stay clean! I just had to do other stuffs and was completely focused in it and the day went by.
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congratulations on 3 days! i appreciate you being honest about how it’s going. you asked me about tools to help stay clean and here are some you can use to redirect your attention when it gets fixated on using.
mindfulness/meditation/breathing exercises - these practices ground you in your body in the present moment. you learn to tune in and feel your feelings. you learn to allow feelings to pass without attaching to them or identifying with them. when you feel an urge come on, drop everything and sit with the feelings - where are they in your body? what do they feel like? a tightening in the gut? a heat in the chest? stay with the feeling and watch it move in the light of your awareness, without judging it or jumping to conclusions. it may be brutal but stay with it and stay with the breath. you will find that they eventually transform. you will find that feelings, thoughts, sensations - they just appear and disappear, they are not solid or substantial - they certainly are not who YOU are. practicing this awareness, especially in times of inner conflict and triggers, will enlighten you to the fact that the essential you is irrelevant to your passing thoughts & feelings & urges … in sobriety we learn to tune out of mental obsessions (a false self-projection), and back into that essential you-ness that exists deeply in the present. you learn who you REALLY are, what you’re truly made or. mindfulness practices of so many kinds can help with this.
connection: connecting here on the app with fellow sober-minded folks in recovery, connecting in real life with friends or family who you love and trust - connection is the way out of isolation and the spiraling that often comes with it. when you’re feeling and urge call a friend or pop in here and read other people’s stories, or comment your own - it is extremely encouraging and informative!
education: especially in the early days i often listened to podcasts or youtube videos about trauma, addiction, sobriety, mindfulness, mental shifts and transformations … this can also feel very encouraging and comforting when you’re in distress, and give you even more tools for working with your triggers.
exercise - many of us use exercise to empower ourselves when we are shifting our mindset. exercise helps us tune into the present moment, out of our heads and into our bodies, strengthens our bodies and minds, improves our self-esteem and engages us in the joy of health. it’s a great way to combat/transform/replace the mental obsessions of compulsive drug use. the purpose is to get the energy going in a productive direction - and exercise is certainly a great and easy tool for that!
hobbies/interests - what do you enjoy doing? and/or is there something you used to really be into that got lost in the noise along the way? pursuing our interests and curiosities can totally transform and replace the mental obsessions involved when using and in early recovery. it can shift the mood entirely, when we allow ourselves to enjoy something rather than feeling miserable. this can be music, dance, cinema, literature, building, crafting, sports, catching butterflies literally anything! for me, in early recovery i spent a lot of time in nature (still do!) it has been like a safe space where i can go and tune into when i’m feeling overwhelmed and need to sense the spaciousness of the peace of the natural world. the essence of this “natural”, uninfluenced world, is in direct resonance with our own true nature - so connecting with can bring us closer to our hearts of who we are, thus liberating us from the madness of the modern world which has thrown us all into dysfunction, suffering and addiction.
these are just a few ideas and there’s many more! keep going, brother! i believe in you!
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Thank you!!! Appreciate it!
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I am soo sorry to say that I relapsed! Starting from 0 again! Im sorry i let you down, and let down all of your wonderful messages and efforts. But here again i will try once more!!! I’ve read your last message for like 20 times already now. And thank you soo much.
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no worries brother i appreciate your honesty and getting right back up after u fell! it’s a great thing to learn from. i will never stop believing in you and rooting for you! now let’s think - how can you be better prepared so this can be avoided? what happened this last time that you can navigate differently moving forward? think about it like a project! i’m with you and we’re all in it together
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You got this. I believe in you 
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I really love this Julia. I’m going to be 11 months sober in 2 days but these ideas are putting more power in my pockets. Thank you for sharing this
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Hey there friend. You’ve had it rough, I am really sorry you had to go through so much. By the sounds of it, you want to be sober. And truly, that’s a great thing to go for. But in my experience you have to find your “why” and “what for”, so you can follow through with your wish to stay sober. Is there anything that comes to mind?
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Tomorrow’s my birthday, and my inner sick demon justified me to use till my birthday so that my sober birthday and biological birthday could be the same. But i know it’s just an addict’s excuse to use. Thank you all for your support. It really helps a lot. A LOT!! Thank you all 
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wow congrats on 11 months @Meka that’s amazing and i’m so happy that my words resonate w u and u feel more empowered sending you a big warm hug Queen to Queen!
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@NisON excellent of you to recognize the addict wiring in your brain - remember that it’s just that - wiring - and your responsibility now is to REWIRE your brain - by using the practices i described and many more from other folks on this forum and elsewhere! happy birthday! so glad to know that this is all so helpful for you!
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