Just got back on this thread and I am catching up.
Sounds to me like he already had an appointment with an attorney.
All the things he is doing are all things a family attorney would advice to do.
Like @Fury said I would check to see what the law in your state says regarding phone call recordings.
I’d be very careful with this. He certainly wants to make you look like a combative parent. When you notice this I’d definitely end the conversation instead of aiding him or loosing it while on recording even though he might have pushed you to that point.
The fact that he’s writing a list about you tells me he wants to have bullet points to hit and doesn’t want to forget them. This is something you submit in writing when you are seeking custody.
I’d keep things very cordial and if you are going to therapy I would bring up these phone call recordings in session. This may bring light into the picture as to why he does it and you will also be able to tell a lot by his body language. I’m sure you have a bad gut feeling about this and you may not be right. Be careful his intentions may not be in the right place. Co-parent best you can but protect your space, your inner peace, your sobriety and your daughters well being.
I was married and had a lot of “dirt” on my x-wife as we battled for custody. My X was being a trainwreck. She had been drinking and driving with the kids. I had proof of other illegal activities she was doing. E-mails and text messages. The proof I had got me nowhere. My X was doing a lot worse than smoking weed. My X was moving 1200 miles away with the kids and I was trying to stop it.
I never considered recording phone calls. Learning what I learned going through all of that. Phone calls never would have made it to the judge as evidence. All the judge cared about was their their mother had a safe environment for them to live at the time we went to court. She was able to prove to the courts that she did.
Your already not living together. You have a safe home. I don’t think you have anything to worry about as far as a court battle goes. I hope that helps your anxiety.
Keep your guard up, and keep your boundaries strong.
It’s basically the same as the opinions of others you asked for it is just way to toxic. Some can really put it in the right words. It’s part of your process. It is never gonna work between the two of you relationship wise. I don’t know how it was in the past being (and staying, wanna leave but always go back) in a toxic relationship is an addiction in itself. From what you write you might also get stuck between “hope and fear”. Maybe you hope that things will work-out at the end (so you stay) on the other hand there’s the fear that he might take away everything from you e.g. self-esteem, self worth………the bigger the gap between those two the more tension/stress, anxiety you will be experiencing. His manipulative controlling, downgrading behavior adds to this, your deserve much better than that.
Not that I’m an expert in relationships, I have been an asshole myself……
Thank you for checking in with me! I am doing fairly well. I took everyones advice, and created some space from communicating daily with him. I think we are creating a more enjoyable relationship day by day.
How are you holding up?
That’s good to hear, I was thinking of you and thought I hope your okay, its alot to take in then analyse for yourself but glad your doing well.
I’m doing okay, thank you for asking.
Just relaxing its so hot the last few days.
Booked myself into swim and do a leg bums and tums fitness class for early tomorrow morning as I havent been able to go for 2 weeks due to falling unwell. So I cant wait for that and then to get to a face to face meeting once or twice this week too.
As since being unwell it’s easy for me to slip back into not doing anything so trying to avoid that!
Were you able to attend your water class? If so, how was it? We finally had rain yesterday, which we needed badly! Has it cooled down your way? Hope you have a wonderful day!
The rain here was lovely too, last night it came don so heavy and out of no where. It was very nice the air is still a bit humid but getting better.
I had a slightly emotional morning but I knew it would be this morning. So I’m prepared to stay strong and not carry those feelings with me all day.
My son who is 20 is going to football match tonight with my brother so I’m going to pop to my mums for a few hours havent seen her for a month or 2. So that should be nice.
I missed my swim but I will fo Tomorrow.
Decided s in feeling abit low that I’d just take it easy today so the feeling doesnt run into tomorrow… hopefully
I am doing fairly well. I took everyones advice, and created some space from communicating daily with him. I think we are creating a more enjoyable relationship day by day.