I’m struggling with staying off alcohol and cocaine, everytime I do it again I feel so guilty and end up thinking I’d be better off dead . Hopefully this group can help me make better choices
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Hey Billybruce, spend a good amount of time on here getting to know people and reading about how they’re staying sober. Ask a ton of questions. Just about everyone has good insight, some of it might really stick with you.
Checking in daily to maintain focus #53 Jump on here in check in from time to time
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I sure know that feeling too. It sucks and I am sorry you are in that place. For me, getting off the alcohol and drugs allowed my body and mind to heal (that loss of dopamine and seratonin really spirals you over and over)…and I rarely feel that way now. I hope you stick around and read a lot and take sobriety a day at a time. It gets WAY WAY WAY BETTER and so can your life. You do not have to keep feeling that way.
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Welcome @Billybruce55!
I remember that merry-go-round all too well. I was in your same situation 3.5 years ago. I couldn’t imagine life being any different and didn’t know how to change it. I finally surrendered and asked for help. I signed myself into an intensive outpatient program for about 2 months, then went onto AA. Putting in the hard work is definitely worth it and having the obsession lifted is life changing. Ask yourself, what lengths are you willing to go to get and stay sober? Then take the actions needed.
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Welcome to the community 
The cycle can be broken, taking it one day at a time works for me.
At the beginning the hardest part was me having to stop letting myself say “I’ll stop Tomo” or stopping for a few days then when I felt better keeping that cycle going by using.
Keep busy in these moments, plan other little things to take there place.
It’s great your here with us, take a good read around and keep posting this is such a great community full of support 