Great job friend!!! They serve no real gppd purpose in anyones life. Glad ur teying again! 
I know I haven’t posted in a while. I had a brief hospitalization, merely a mental health oil change really. Should have been longer; but, our lives are valued on our insurance — and I’m abysmally underinsured.
I have been struggling with smoking, PMO, and SI. It’s been really bad lately.
So, I intend to continue fighting to keep my head above the water. I will continue to scratch out a safe routine amidst such dramatic changes.
But, while I am not so reliable at posting, keep me in your prayers. I need all the ones I can get.
3 Likes
Praying for u friend 
I hear ur struggling. Im sorry that u werent able to get the length of time u needed at that hospital for ur mental health. I hate that everything is about money these days. Where are u at with smoking and PMO? Is this ur day 1? We are here for u. Check in as often as u can 
4 Likes
Hey. I hope you’re as safe and sober as you can atm. I’m sorry things are tough. May there be heavenly oil for this oil exchange. You’re not forgotten, not forsaken and not hopeless.
2 Likes
I’m back…again.
I don’t feel ashamed, and I’m not coming back with my tail-tucked.
I’m coming back with my chin up and acknowledging that I am an addict.
I’m currently writing this from the urgent care room, waiting for the doctor. It is undoubtedly bronchitis. The area I live is experiencing a peculiar upper respiratory infection. It probably started as such, but as I continued to smoke, this is undoubtedly bronchitis.
I look forward to not getting this again.
When I quit for the 3-, and 1.5-years, I didn’t get bronchitis once.
I’m back.
Back to healing, to feeling, and doing what I can to repair the damage I let the cigarettes do.
3 Likes
Yes!!! On coming back with new determination and hope for a better future! Im sorry ur not physically well tho. Grateful ull be seen by a Dr.
1 Like
Welcome back! Stay with us and find the strength you need.
1 Like
3 days PMO-free
1 day Smoke/Nicotine-free
My lungs hate me. I’m still sick with some upper respiratory infection. The steroids, antibiotics, and nebulizer treatments aren’t helping. 
I’ll write more later. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. I’m too dizzy to say much right now.
Y’all stay blessed!
2 Likes
Feel better! 
1 Like
6.7 days PMO-free
4.73 days smoke-& nicotine-free
I’m still sick, but Lord willing at the tail end of it. 
2 weeks of this…ugh…it’s exhausting!
Today is my 12th wedding anniversary.
We are going to the Ohio Renaissance Festival and I’m so excited!!! I have never been to one before. All I want is to eat a giant turkey leg and watch grown men battle over some trivial matter—like, land rights or shampoo. I’m not actually sure what people fought over during the Renaissance. I’m just excited to be so unserious!
I learned something revolutionary the other day in regards to quitting forever… and it comes down to reframing and clarifying language. Being pedantic, I immediately responded well.
Instead of saying, I want a cigarette — I say I want connection
Or
I want to breathe
Etc.
And it’s really helped.
I got very VERY triggered yesterday.
I learned some of my abusers live very close to me.
My first reaction was to grab a cigarette.
And I had to stop mid-thought and reframe it:
I need a—feeling of safety, and I am safe.
I know I’m still on the pink cloud, but I want to lay a foundation that I didn’t last time. I fantasized about smoking too much. I don’t want to fall into that trap again.
I hope y’all stay blessed today!
1 Like
6 days smoke-& nicotine-free
Reset PMO timer
I realized that I am out of control with my emotional eating. This past month has been terrible.
But, I’m back to cooking at home which will help A LOT!
I also need to cut back on the sweets.
Now that I’m back to not smoking, I need to start sucking on sugar free mints again.
It hasn’t been a week yet; so I’m just going to focus on this right now—finish today without a cigarette.
Looking at pictures of myself at the Ren Fest has me very, very sad.
I’ll lose weight again, I’m back on track. One step at a time, one thing at a time.
3 Likes
7.75 days smoke- and nicotine-free
1.3 days PMO-free
I just got gas at this tiny station. When I opened the door, and I mean it was tiny (if I walked any faster I would have gone out the other door!), I was immediately smacked in the face by the cashier’s smoker smell. It was very pungent. I was immediately horrified that I used to walk around smelling like that, but then began to feel comforted by the smell.
So many feelings.
I got out as fast as I could before I made a mistake.
Then I realized while I was pumping gas, I’ve lived longer as a smoker than a non-smoker. I’ll have to sit down and do the math to see if this is true.
If it isn’t true: myth busted, moving on.
If it is true: then my knowable identity has been a smoker. With DID, discovering and maintaining True Self has been a lot! I identify as a non-smoker. I want to be a non-smoker… but I have parts that smoke.
Time for parts work again, I suppose.
3 Likes
Even if this turns out to be true, it doesnt have to be the end result of ur story. Uv already got a week under ur belt (HUGE congratulations by the way) and if u continue on this path, eventually u will have more time as a non smoker than a smoker Im extremely proud of u for handling that gas station situation so well. Youre doing amazing friend!
1 Like
2.3 days PMO-free
8.7 days smoke-& nicotine-free
My anxiety is through the roof. I ended up eating a quarter of a weed gummy to get some sleep. My stomach is in knots because I ate SO MUCH yesterday. I ate like I had two faces. I kept thinking, stop eating, you’re not hungry.
My SI is back and I can’t afford the time or money to go back into the hospital. I don’t know what to do.
I think I’ll eat a half a gummy today and see if that helps.
2 Likes
I’m currently being admitted into the hospital for a suicide attempt. Keep me in your prayers.
4 Likes
Wow. That is intense. Thank you for letting us know. Whatever it is that pushed you over the edge… you are still valuable. Your life is still worth living. You have people whom you’re important to. Maybe you don’t believe or feel that right now, and we get it. Your existence on this planet is precious. I’m glad you’re safe and looked after. Praying you’d get the help you need.
3 Likes
Hey friend, we are here for you Im sorry to hear that ur going thru soo much. Im grateful ur alive and grateful that ur seeking help. Please keep us updated so we know ur okay. I hope the hospital can help
2 Likes
How are you doing friend?
1 Like
I just got out today. I’ll post more later. 
4 Likes