I’ve never tried a community to help get sober, so this is a first. I don’t know what to write, so I’ll start with what I can and hopefully someone will read it. I have lost my way, in every sense of the phrase. I don’t enjoy life anymore. I don’t know how to function beyond surviving. I have a wonderful family, an excellent support system, safety and security.
None of it matters. I hate waking up. My drinking is completely out of control. A bottle of whiskey and change nearly every day. My wife is either oblivious or actively ignoring it. I think my daughter is picking up on it. I’ve gained nearly seventy pounds. I quit an active, healthy lifestyle for drunkenness.
Last November my brother had a mental breakdown. I had to be the one to put him in a facility. It destroyed something in me. He is doing great now, but I’m not. It seems I’ve traded his life for mine, and I don’t want this any more. I don’t know where to turn, so here I am. I have no one to talk to, and despite being surrounded by a loving family I feel utterly alone in my addiction.
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Oh my goodness! I’m so glad you’ve come here.
Welcome!!!
We understand in our own ways what it’s like to feel isolated among a group of people. It seems counterintuitive to drown in loneliness when there is a loving support right there with you.
I’ve felt this, and I know others have to.
You’re not alone!
Help is available; hope is here.
I recommend starting here:What’s YOUR plan?
Ask questions, listen, learn, and heal.
I’m glad you’re trying this out… it works if you want it to.
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Welcome Home CLJ
You found a great supportive community here.
I woke up January 2 after my usual Holidays Bender. My Holiday benders start at Halloween and end on Superbowl Sunday. But on 01/02/2020 I realized I cannot do this anymore. I’m 60 years old fat drunk and hungover every day. It’s no way to go through my bronze years.
I was on the toilet that morning sick as a dog and thought. There’s got to be an app for this. And that is when I found this magical place. One day at a time, I haven’t had a drink since.
There’s lots of good threads to read and learn about this cunning and baffling disease of alcoholism or addiction.
Have a good read around. Keep an open mind. And don’t pick up today. I won’t pick up today either. Just for today.
If you have questions about anything. Just ask. There’s always someone around willing to help.
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How do I accept something while actively trying to change it? It just doesn’t click in my head.
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That’s such a great question! Radical acceptance is difficult to grasp…honestly I’m still trying to figure it out. Nevertheless, acceptance isn’t approval. It’s a type of acknowledgement.
It’s acknowledging that although you’re uncomfortable and not where you want to be; you’ve taken the first step… and that’s enough for a sober today.
The Serenity Prayer helps…
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I’ve learned through Al-Anon I’m powerless over people, places and things. I’m especially powerless over what happens after I pick up that first drink. The most important drink for me not to have.
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Welcome to theTS Family! So glad you found us.
Congrats for your wish to live a healthy life again! That wish is where you start and you can do it.
Quitting alcohol has severe withdrawal symptoms and can be dangerous. I highly suggest you get medical help when you go through it.
If you like AA, there are a lot of online groups. There is also Dharma Recovery or SMART Recovery, alternative recovery programs that work without the 12 steps or the idea of a higher power. Look around what suits you modt if you want to follow a program.
We are all here to support you. You are not alone 
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I am really struggling with the fact that I know I am powerless over others intellectually, but everyone close to me is always looks to me to solve their problems. My wife isn’t a “can do’er” and my parents have leaned heavily on me to help them through the issues with my brother. And of course my kids are at the age where they want something all the time.
I have always been the one to suffer in silence so others aren’t troubled by my issues. It doesn’t make it any easier.
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Omg 
Thats me! All of it! Or was me. And that’s one reason I continued on going to Al-Anon. I haven’t been for a while. It’s exhausting isn’t it. And drinking for an escape or because you deserve it feels good. Until it’s a way of life. And a poor coping mechanism. I thankfully found out that was no way to live anymore. I burned myself up and out until 60.
Now I got boundaries. Now I take care of myself. It’s still hard. Because I always wanted to fix everyone and everything and I figured it was up to me. Unlearning these behaviors takes time. A great way to start is by not picking up and being active here or with some other recovery program or programs.
That’s why I invited you to the gratitude thread. I read and wrote gratitude EVERYDAY for the first 3 years of my sobriety and I retrained my brain. It’s so powerful.
Since I’m the one that gets things done I think my wife has me right where she wants me. Taking care of this or that. Cooking cleaning up. I mean she has her chores too. But if I don’t cook dinner. She doesn’t starve. Or even care. I care more about it than she does. And that’s on me.
Sorry I’m rambling I guess I needed you to help me get some of this off my chest.
That’s how it works around here.
I hope you can find what you’re looking for here. You are not alone.
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That was really good for me to hear. Thanks. It’s just so exhausting to try to manage others. I have a good marriage in most ways, but my wife said to me the other week that if she doesn’t want to do something she won’t. It sounds nice, but I feel I don’t have that luxury.
This last year has been brutal for me personally. The current economic situation has made our modest lifestyle unsustainable. We started homeschooling, just to give our very smart kids 10M & 14F more opportunities to pursue their passions. Our income became subject to government dysfunction. (She’s a federal employee). We had manageable expenses until now, but suddenly one income isn’t enough.
I supported my family for 15 years but now we can’t catch up. The one thing that takes the pressure off and keeps my heart from racing 24/7 is alcohol. It is the easy solution to everything except alcoholism.
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Remember not to move so fast on this
Withdrawal really is hard and messes with emotions like anger so definitely remember anger is a no for yourself
Dont move so fast on trying to learn everything in 1 day. The 12 steps may take years for someone to complete but with the 12 steps also we need to do it with another sober sponcer alcoholic i believe, someone we learn from.
Dont move super quick
Day 1.
The phrase i would use would be the phrase, easy does it
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This is where im stuck, at the moment for myself
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Can you elaborate on what you said about taking it slowly? My dysfunctional brain needs help understanding how to do that. Any practical advice is appreciated.
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I know you didn’t ask me. But I’m here anyway 
When I went to my first meeting, Al-Anon in this instance. I was living in complete chaos with a fall down in public drunk wife who I love. I had to detox from the chaos. I heard stuff like you are getting now.
12 steps.
Acceptance
Get a sponsor
The traditions
Slogans ODAAT (one day at a time)
Acronyms WAIT Why Am I Talking.
Detox
Let go let God
Etc…. Etc… etc…
HOLY SHIT!!! Where do I begin?
I picked one thing after my first meeting. WAIT. Why am I talking?” to my drunk wife during an argument. I don’t have to be in an argument with my drunk wife. And it’s pointless.
@Noshame gave you a good one. Easy Does It. Great little slogan. Today. Find one little thing that will keep you from picking up.
Great first gratitude list. If you get depressed. Do another one. Gratitude is the air of recovery 
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I appreciate it. The idea that someone would take the time to help me is so foreign to me. I came here for help. I have tried journaling in the past, but all I ever seem to get down on paper has been questions. How? Why? I don’t have any answers, and it feels like I still don’t. I hope you can understand how much this is helping already.
I feel like I’m wasting everyones time, but I don’t have anywhere else to turn right now. Thank you again
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Feelings aren’t facts.
Wasting our time implies you’re not worthy of it; and you so are!!!
As for journaling. There are a bunch of different ways to journal. You don’t necessarily have to just stick with the stream of consciousness style…
Dear Journal,
Today sucked because…
One way of journaling that I’ve found most helpful, especially when my head is spinning and I don’t want to think about anything is “splatter journal”
If you’re unfamiliar, write a single word in the middle of the page. From there, write words or phrases associated with it. Then write words or phrases that are associated with each one. Connect them with lines to help you see how they (inter)connect together.
I’ve found often times, I consciously think I’m sad about how horrible we are to our planet but only because it’s safer to feel than how other people have treated my body.
You can also utilize the “headline” version of journaling. Literally just write a headline of your day or how you’re feeling. Most of us stop reading at the headline anyway. 
It’ll also help you try to figure out how to summarize it the best… maybe you can get good enough to click bait yourself! 
I know I’ve said it before. But I’m so glad you’re here.
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My (soon to be ex-) wife just said this to me.
I was shocked.
As an adult, I have to do shit even if I don’t want to. I don’t want to constantly pick up after her, but I do because if I leave it, it’ll pile up.
I don’t want to pay bills. But, I also want water and power…so…
I realized that she’s actually an incredibly immature and toxic person.
If you want to feel better about your marriage and read the slow breakdown of mine, my “journal” is ICanAndWill’s Touchstone
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You’re not wasting anyone’s time.
You helped me out today too. I wouldn’t have done a gratitude list today if it hadn’t been for you. And I needed it.
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