9th day sober, while also being 9 days single. Wife left me after 6 years not due to alcoholism but it was a main factor. For nearly a year we’ve been living at her moms with our 3 kids because we lost where we were living due to poor management. 10 days ago I forced that final push towards my wife and she finally broke. Im still living there, but on the couch, and it’s been an emotional roller coaster. Some days she wants me to leave already, but other days she wants me to clear my head before doing so. Our oldest 9th birthday is on the 26th of this month. At first she wanted me to just go, but then she wanted me to stay til after her birthday. Recently she wanted me out 2 days ago but then said to make it Thursday. She made me talk to my mom about moving there. I set up a time for Thursday, but now she wants me to stay and she’ll move instead. She’s been talking to this guy whose she’s been friends with for years. He lives an hour away and she wants to move in with him. I really dont have a say with anything anymore. Do I let her make this move? Do I still move as well. Do I stay st her mom’s cause the kids are already rooted here with rooms and what not? Ugh, im thinking I should drink on this… but my drunken thoughts is what got me into this mess. Idk. 
Drinking wouldn’t make things any better for me. It sounds like some major communication is in order, especially if kids are involved.
Drinking should be the last thing on your mind. It appears she’s got her plans and is all over the place with her feelings concerning you. Let things happen as they will; meaning it’s gonna go down either way so just do your best to stay in the moment and put the kids first and foremost! Their emotional health during this time is number one concern. You’ll figure it out, you’re doing great, stick with it bud!
If drinking solved problems, I’d world’s best problem solver. Spoiler, I’m not.
I can’t tell you what you should do other than that drinking won’t help and you know that already.
However, what I can say is, like me, you aren’t able to control the world around you; no one can. What you can do is control how you react to the situation. In times like these, I remind myself that the person responsible for all my problems is myself, therefore the person responsible to make it better is also myself.
Take some time to figure out what you need to do to make YOUR situation better. If your situation is better, it will be better for those around you.
Wish you luck.
Hey SirOptimistic,
Your situation is a tough one, but it will be most constructive if you focus exclusively on maintaining your sobriety through this. Your words " not the cause but a main factor" are very familiar to me, and your thinking may still need another couple weeks to clear up, like mine did. Your work needs to be deliberate and patient and sharply focused on not drinking today- get into the double digits. That’s a victory that will give you confidence, and the soberer you get, you will start to see just how drunkerer you used to be…
Your post reads like I could have written it, the maudlin and confused state of indecision and guilt. Get another day under your belt and both those awful alcohol based effects will continue to diminish.
You have children who you likely love. Give them the gift of another day of your sobriety.
In the words of a respected fellow here, " try a meeting it might help wish you well".
Very hard situation. But I agree with everyone that alcohol will not be the solution. Do what is best for your kids, quite frankly given the situation I would stay with her mom and the kids. You need to be sober to face the emotional and financial challenge, this will only make you stronger and should strengthen your relationship with your kids.
Although my wife has not left me, she said that she was starting to not have a romantic connection with me anymore when I was using. I almost lost my job too. Her parents live with us too. So our situation is the same-different. Being sober is the only thing that is helping!
@RetainKing Don’t be so hard on yourself cause im listening and i am understanding what’s being said.
Ive recently come to the conclusion that I do have to take care of myself before I can take care of others. If my wife wants to be with another, then who am I to stop her from being happy.
In the end it comes done to the kids. As long as we can both take care of the kids and give them a great life, then together or not, we are doing the right thing.
Me and my wife might have been together for 6 years, but we’ve known each other for like 9. Before we got together, we were both in a really bad place and it took 6 years for us to finally get to where we are.
Maybe we can try again down the road, but for now I believe we came together to make beautiful children and to pull ourselves out from where we were. Now that we’ve done that, maybe it is time we pull away and become who we were ment to be.
Really thoughtful post. We are all just people, doing our best (which may suck at times).
Hi Danny, it sounds like you’re in a really rough spot brother - I’m sorry to hear it, and I really feel for you. That isn’t easy, any way you look at it.
You’ve done a really good job focusing in on the important thing: staying sober.
That is the only thing you need to be doing. Honestly. You can’t care for your kids, or anyone else for that matter, until you’re sober.
What steps can you take to stay sober and safe? Do you have a sober friend you can move in with? A dry community you can be in (rehab?) - anywhere you can be safe a sober for a bit.
If you’re staying where you are now, can you do it sober? Can you get through a day without picking up the drink that matters - the first drink?
This thread has taken a turn and gotten away from the original posters heartfelt question. Let’s stay on topic please.
**Off topic posts moved to Derailment Void.
Taking a moment to clean this up.
**Off topic posts moved to Derailment Void
Hi Danny @SirOptimistic I’m sorry; we got way off track there from your original post. Sorry brother.
But as several people have said above, communication is important here, and honesty - fearless honesty - is so, so important.
In my experience, sobriety involves self-awareness (knowing there’s a problem), then self-care (establishing yourself sobriety - this is a time you’re starting out, and really need to focus just on yourself, not kids or anyone else), then trustworthiness (after you’re sober, you become able to do things & you begin to behave reliably), then trust.
That foundation of self care and trustworthiness has to be built first. I would say joining AA would really help you out, or some other program (there are many). Check out some of the links here:
Online meeting resources
Most important: never, ever give up on yourself. You are a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. Start that journey by building your sobriety one day at a time. Take it slow and steady - and never give up. Keep checking in here brother - we’re here for you 
Thanks for the support everyone. My plan is to stay sober. 1 day away from double digits. Im going to move to my brothers where it is safe and full of good spirits and motivation. I’ve decided to just let life take its course. Im going to try to see it not as falling apart but on pause for a moment. 
Thanks to the mods/ admin for sorting things out.
A meeting may seem spooky but I recommend you go to one, just one, and you may be very surprised how many people are around to provide insight and help.
Keep your expectations low and make a good list of triggers- every day sober is a gift to your kids as well as yourself.
for the time being this place has really been a big help and a good outlet to just get everything out there. One of the best things, aside from drinking, is I let go of social media years ago. No Facebook or Instagram, those places are just bad news for me. I only have 2 friends now that I’ve known for many years and right now that is all I need.
I like that plan!! Way to take care of yourself!!