So i finally decided i would give AA a fair shot, even though i used to be against it… i went to a really good meeting tonight and picked up my white chip. They told me i need to get a sponsor as soon as possible. I have someone in mind but #1 im afraid of choosing the wrong one, maybe our personalities will clash or i won’t end up clicking with them once i get to know them etc and #2 im afraid of what happens after you get a sponsor… Will they pressure me into doing things that im not ready for or try to run my life etc… The lady i am considering seems very nice and she has 17 years of sobriety… But she’s not the type of person i would be drawn to normally… Does anyone have any advice? (I also have OCD and am a perfectionist and my brain tells me i must find the “perfect” person, i know it’s crazy and no one is perfect but it’s just another part of my effed up mind)
I can sympathize. I’m 30 days into AA and feel pressured by certain group members to select a sponsor. I’m not going to do that until I find the right person but some of the personalities in certain meetings can be pretty pushy (I know it comes from a good place). They keep saying “who cares if you pick someone and it doesn’t work out. Then fire them.” That would just cause me more anxiety, which is not something I am willing to subject myself to. Advice I have read online is to attend a lot of meetings and meet a lot of successful people in the program before making that decision. So, I’m going to follow that advice. I have to remember that this is my journey. Everyone is going to offer their opinions on the right way. It’s my responsibility to take the path that will keep me healthiest. I’m sure it’s very different for every person dealing with the struggle of addiction. I wish you the best with making the right decision for you.
hey @Lisa927 congratulations on your sobriety! i was pretty hesitant to get a sponsor initially. i had somewhat similar concerns. lots of people talked about the importance of a sponsor from the beginning and i knew i wanted one, but i wasn’t willing to just go along with anybody right off the bat. i’m not sure about the meetings where you’re at, but around where i’m at during the beginning of most meetings people are encouraged to raise their hand if they are willing to sponsor someone. which is really helpful. after a few weeks i went up to a guy i’d heard speak several times and asked if he’d sponsor me. he seemed relaxed and easy going (i too did not want someone pushy or overbearing) he agreed and we get along great. so maybe try that? just keep going and if you see someone who you like what they say/their general attitude or what not, and just approach them and ask. if they aren’t sponsoring people you could also ask if they might have a recommendation for you.
i know several people who got a sponsor and they didn’t click and all, and they just simply got a different sponsor. it wasn’t any sort of issue or big deal in the slightest. painless and simple.
i hope you keep finding meetings you enjoy and i hope you get a great fit as a sponsor! if not at first try again!
best to you! 
Thank you! I’m planning to hit some more meetings tomorrow and keep my eyes open for prospects. Glad you got a good sponsor, i hope i will too!
Good. I’m glad your nervous. This is a normal response. It can be nerve wracking, but take heart! Your first pick doesn’t have to be your last…there’s no reason you can’t keep shopping if it doesn’t work out. Sponsors are supposed to guide us on this path of recovery, so if they suck at it, it’s your job to look elsewhere. Above all, your sobriety is #1. Do not concern yourself with hurt feelings by switching sponsors (if it comes to that). Much love 
and good luck! 
Congrats om your commitment. It is great that you are ready for a sponsor but only do itnwhen youbare ready. I artemd atleast 3 meetings mostly 4 a week. You dont have to get sponsor because everyone is suggesting it, get it when you are ready.
Someome in my meeting tosay took a 2yr chip and pointed out he just finally got a sponsor 6 months ago.
Take your time if you are hesitant or unsure. I am 50 days sober I still dont have one. I have couple people in mind but I would like to be sure for my ‘perfect’ sponsor.
Like someone else said its okay to pick a bad one… you didnt marry the first person you kissed lol
Thank you 
Thank you…
I think one of my favorite birthday speeches was from a girl who got her one year, and she started it with saying “first off I’d like to thank my 9 sponsors…” everyone bursted out laughing bc we all know it’s true that it takes time.
If you want me to be honest, I selected 2-3 sponsors my first month and just gravitated towards the one that fits better for me. Eventually I just told the other sponsors that I had met someone that works better for my schedule and both of them congratulated me - no harm done.
I recently went through a bad relapse that left me resenting my sponsor but I know I’ll eventually find time to fix it and accept it through the steps and it’ll heal.
Best of luck!
I haven’t been to an AA meeting yet because I’m nervous about the people & quite frankly, letting people get too close. I’m an introvert, and don’t have any close friends (only people I’m friends with at work, but at work only). I’m at over 22 months sober, and have been fine doing it on my own (with help from family). Is it always necessary to go to AA? I like online recovery better because I feel more in control of whom I let into my life, and yet can still keep people at arm’s length…
No it’s not necessary. Please check out SMART Recovery (just Google it) AA is not the only way…SMART is custom made for people who feel just like you.
Finding a sponsor can be tough but I guess part of it is understanding what you need and not what you want. Sometimes the best sponsors are the ones who will share different views than you. Honesty is more important in friendship than compatibility sometimes. Find someone you know personally who understands your situation and can be direct with you. Typically the best sponsor is someone who has struggled with some form of addiction. It doesn’t have to be the same one your dealing with. As long as you know them and trust them and know that they understand where your coming from. It can even be someone in your family.
I don’t have any recent success stories, but I did have 5+ yrs in AA not too long ago and find great value in the program. When I would pick up my annual chips, I always would mention my 50 sponsors. Sure, I had one person who was my real sponsor, but even that relationship faded over time. I considered all of them my sponsor. Anyone you talk to about your sobriety, who has something of value to add (due to experience or battle scars) is pushing you forward. Good luck - we are all here in this together and all pulling for you!