Hey girl. I am sorry you are hurting and struggling. we all have tough times. they pass. you’ll feel different again. even if it hurts now, it’s not forever. It’s great you made an appointment with your Dr. hope they can give you some advice.
have you thought about therapy? it is necessary to know oneself and what hurts and what needs to change, in order to change what hurts us.
it’s also necessary to be sober if you’re drinking at your wounds and your situation. I did for a long time. drinking will forever keep you in that dark place and make shit worse. is today day one then?
adding some links I find helpful.
Resources for our recovery
Mental health memes and discussion (Part 1)
you’re not alone. and you don’t need to go down that road any more.
a better life is waiting for you. 
