Please don’t read if you are not in a good place/mood. (I’m french speaking)
I’m not ok. I booked an appointement with my doctor for friday because I feel like I’m going down that road again. Feeling agitated, my feelings all upside down…reaching for help because I can’t find peace as my brain won’t stop. Deep down I want to feel better I’ve been Sober for 46 days , felt Amazing I learned a lot but throwing it all away once, two weeks ago and went where all my wounds were, confirmed them, reopenned them… and It’s (alcohol) stronger than me. Feeling like a fraud but also knowing how this disease is working…I’m scared and telling myself It’s not that Bad I’ll manage to be fine later… but It’s dangerous. It’s all mixed. I know.
I’m sorry if that trigger you.
I’m ashamed.
But I’m really trying.
I need to work on my mental health. Take antidépresseurs…I need changes, I’ve Always done my best…I’m tired, but I’ll keep on fighting. Even if I just don’t want to be strong.
I Hope y’all are ok
PS : I’ve been in therapy during 2 years with a psy in a center dedicated in addictions and she ghosted me.
Hey girl. I am sorry you are hurting and struggling. we all have tough times. they pass. you’ll feel different again. even if it hurts now, it’s not forever. It’s great you made an appointment with your Dr. hope they can give you some advice.
have you thought about therapy? it is necessary to know oneself and what hurts and what needs to change, in order to change what hurts us.
it’s also necessary to be sober if you’re drinking at your wounds and your situation. I did for a long time. drinking will forever keep you in that dark place and make shit worse. is today day one then?
Oh lady. You sound very courageous. So glad you are seeing your doctor. I went to rehab. Helped me tremendously. You sound very committed and I’m confident you can do this.
Heres a hug
Im sorry your feeling like this, i too have similar and understand how difficult this is.
You are doing the right thing by speaking with your doctor and being here for support.
I have to remind myself when things are getting dark for me inside that the feelings are temporary and they will pass, this time will pass.
I know everyone says ‘one day at a time’ but for me one day it made sense so much sense that i use this for all parts of my life especially mental health, ‘Just for today’ and 'one day at a time’i only have to get through today.
I wish you well and am thinking of you
I can def relate to this, but also KNOW one thing, drinking never made me stronger through those feelings and struggles. Like @Faugxh said, it only takes you to a dark place and leaves you there.
You’re doing the right thing reaching out here for support. Glad your here, and your courage is inspiring
