No do not give up, I’m back to day one again myself, I keep trying, I’m walking round today in pj’s not feeling good at all, I have children so, they are I believe what keeps me going, I’m tierd too, but we must not give up stay strong and keep coming on here it really does help 
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Update guys: I didn’t get any sleep but I stayed off the oxy thanks to everyone who reached out I actually called lifeline last night and the lady I spoke to really helped me put shit in perspective I’m sorry if I worried any of you, much love guys
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You’re writing this because you have a desire to stop using. You had fifty days someone else never got that’s a miracle brush you’re shoulders off, and go forward. You’re gonna do what you want in the end finish the sheet don’t finish the sheet just keep coming back brother you’re worth it. Go to n.a. meetings, keep an open mind, take suggestions, get a sponsor. The misery will always be there waiting for you so why not try something different the worse that can happen is gaining freedom from active addiction one day at a time. I gotta get back to work but I hope you try again bro 
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Thank you brother
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Glad your feeling better, this helped me maybe can help you too heres some hugs 
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Thank you 
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Stay strong you have us here, we care about you. Stick with us
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I’d be lost without all of you guys 
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Thanks for checking in, I’m glad to see you Marly. Now it’s time to do some work on staying clean. Meetings can help. Treatment can help. This place can help. Going it alone doesn’t. So let’s do this. Wishing you all success friend. Take care.
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Thank you 
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Thank you
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I’m really glad you stuck around. Keep trying.
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I’m glad you’re ok Marly - I really am 
- and thanks for checking in here.
I know it’s hard. It is hard. I promise you it’s worth it. Stick with it one day at a time and call for help (those 24 hour lines are super helpful) as often as you want. It is worth it.
Keep checking in here brother. It’s nice to see everyone and to hear your voice too, when you want to share
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I am so glad to hear this and glad you called the Lifeline. Hope today has been better for you. Keep checking in and reading, it helps a lot.
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Don’t take anything. Read Matthew 11:28-30. Saved me from myself.
I’m so glad to see your post, Marly. You did the right thing.
Writing here was the first step in the right direction.
The second was the call to the lifeline.
Now, you’ll find a lot of support here from people who have gone through this and are going through this together. You’ll find resources to make a plan to make that sobriety stick and turn your life into something much brighter and better. You’ve done 50 days. You can build on that and make it a lifetime, one day at a time. Start with small, simple steps. An hour at a time. Reading here. Doing something nice for yourself. Rest. You’ll be surprised to see how small things add up.
Glad to have you here - time to put some work on your sobriety journey. It’s not easy, but it does get easier with time. And it is 1000% worth it.
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Hey Marly just know you’re not the only one out here struggling with the same exact issues I continuously try to stay sober from meth and can get a few weeks in it seems and I slip right back. Idk whats wrong with me im genuinely happier than I’ve been in almost 10 years have done tremendous amounts of healing and shadow work and I feel at absolute peace except for this issue. I’m not harboring or holding onto anything bad I just can’t put the shit down and im one of the strongest people I know with the littlest addictive personality ever. I just am at a loss at this point and don’t know where to go from here 
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Marly, I have been there where you are, I didn’t want to live either. But then jail enteviened I was in and out of the program for over A year. But the law caught up with me first before I could do anything.
They are right there are better days ahead. The program had given me soo much even in hard time the love compassion and understanding that is offered is salvation you will never be alone we are all loving brothers and sister focused on the unity of recovery. 30 years later I am still sober and the memories that I cherish are better than anything that I could have ever planned for myself. The grace of God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves. Love you brother keep the faith this shall pass.my friend
Please dont give up
Your here , that takes alot of courage…
Please keep fighting
I’m sending you love and light
First off I’m glad you’re still here and I have a lot of faith in you because you did the right thing. You’ve proven you’re stronger than these traps because you made the call even in your darkest moment. You’re stronger than you realize, we all are. I typed you some things I wanted to remind myself of today. Long but there’s some jems in here. 
Two things I found most helpful to slowly pull out of this type of situation in my own life.
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Keep at least a small regular pattern no matter my sobriety or whatever else is going on. CPR for my soul is something I’m able to do even when the lights are almost out. C is for church I just hit one every week no matter what. P is pray, if I get on my knees at least once a day no matter what condition I’m in and have an honest conversation with God, I don’t rip on myself I just I’m real with where I’m at. R is for read at least one meaning sentence out of the holy book. It usually takes me less than a minute a day at about 1 hour on Sunday. It really does seem like God loves consistency even if it’s just a little thing.
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I become a scientific student of everything involved with everything I’m doing. I stopped beating myself up and study myself like a lab rat. I learn everything I can even the psychology of the stuff I’m taking. Instead of being depressed I’m just looking at what the drugs and alcohol are doing to me scientifically. I also study my perceived benefit. Like is the alcohol actually helping me feel peace and escape. One of the best books I’ve ever listened to was Allenn Carr’s easy way to control alcohol. When I was done with it I just couldn’t see any benefit anymore and it was 90% less of a struggle to not do it.
By the way I do all my studying before I even tried to quit. I did try to do it in those little sober breaks in the morning or on my drive to get more drugs or alcohol. There’s plenty of good YouTube videos on the science of all this.
We don’t not do things because of the consequences. We do things because we still believe there is a benefit that it’s actually providing us.
When I work on truly dissecting to see if my perceived benefit is even real… this is the point where my cravings disappear. I really have to walk through the whole thing and allow myself to take the side of the drugs and alcohol. Really try to prove my case that there is a benefit somewhere.
For example when I get a craving to drink I just allow it and accept it like it’s a good thing. I walk through me drinking in my mind and the relief I get when the buzz kicks in, the trick is to keep walking through it. I then see myself taking another one to keep it up and to feel even more euphoric. I think of the whole process and four to five hours into it. I keep going with the patterns I know so well and see every bit of it. I see me 6 hours in whipping out my camera and taking a picture of my sorry looking inebriated face. I see getting to that point of not wanting to be here anymore. I see myself the next morning miserable.
Then I just look and really study if this is a benefit. Like is It ultimately doing what it promises me it will do? Then I just go eat a burrito and make sure it’s not just me being hungry or thirsty for water or something.
Maybe I just need somebody to tell me they love me and I’m okay and pull Me in to what’s really going on. This is why those 1-800 help lines can be very helpful.
Lean into the cravings is what I’m saying and really study them out. Forget wasting time beating ourselves up because thinking negatively about ourselves and everything really is just not useful for even doing the drugs and feeling good. It certainly not useful in creating motivation to do anything about it.
You could jump on here like you do and help someone else. I think being honest with even small things that are helping you can be a lifesaver for somebody else. That’s what I’m doing here with this post. As I’m writing it, it is actually helping me as well. It’s a great start to my day to review the things that I’ve got me through 18 days.
Honestly this approach doesn’t even seem hard to me only at times but not like just cold turkey.
I’m going to go watch a Sober Leon YouTube video now. Since alcohol is bigger for me than the opiates, his videos just seem to reinforce my studies and he’s so freaking positive. I know he has a program he’s selling but man the guy is a freaking angel for putting all those videos out with all the content that really is making this easier for me
You could make some videos as you come out of this. Or make some good posts of what got you through a real tough minute, hour or day. Teaching helps us solidify our beliefs 80% more.
You don’t have to be 100% sober to start getting your brain with healthy thoughts again. As a matter of fact I think if you focus on the healthy thoughts again more than sobriety, this will actually make sobriety a lot easier.
When you get in those low places and don’t want to be here anymore, turn all that energy into studying and maybe taking notes of exactly how the drugs are alcohol is making you feel at the moment. Write it down and be curious more than sad. I personally don’t try to come up with some weird tripped out thoughts like I’m some sort of special alien or something… I just focus on what it is actually doing to my body and brain versus normal sober thoughts and feelings.
At times I have to admit that my high is really good and making me feel really really good. Then I just commit to taking notes an hour later. Like is it possible to get this really nice feeling without feeling like death later.
Like if I knew I was going to get HIV from a prostitute and feel the effects of the worst case scenario, at 100%, the same day I was with her, would it be worth the money and the short good feeling I just had? Was The prostitute worth it if the consequences kicked in so fast?
Then I would study the phenomenon of why my brain runs into those situations? Has anyone else ever had this problem? What did they do? Is it all just have to be a struggle or is there an easy way?
Become an expert and a student of every aspect of what you’re going through. Do this instead of dwell that you’re caught in a maze. Study that maze. Mark where the dead ends are. Give feedback to other rats be hopeful with every little dead end you document study and track. Because once you understand there’s nothing to the right you will take a left each time and you will be that much closer to getting out of the maze.
I’m out of the maze right now. Took about 2 weeks to really start thinking like my old self. 18 days is even better and I’ve just started making a couple of goals outside of the maze here. They’re just little like trying to do 10 push-ups before I watch another YouTube video.
We’re going and changing the air filter in my furnace before I watch another YouTube video. Just doing little tasks and little improvements at this point. Even my lawn looks better than it has in a while.
I’m truly also tripping out on being 100% in reality and 100% awake. It’s its own trip with no crash.
Like I just woke up and told my wife she was a great human and then went and told all three of my teenagers they were doing really well in life. It wasn’t some drunk version of me it was me at 100% just looking at them and thinking about the good things they’ve done. They’re not perfect but it was sure fun to make them all smile and get their Day started right.
Then I came on here looking for a post that I related with. I knew I would probably make some long comment that is more of a journal entry for me. I also know that it is likely I am the only one that will write or read this far into a comment. But it’s very therapeutical.
I do this on my phone by the way so I just hit the microphone and start talking. I don’t think I could type this all out but voice to text is really cool.
Anyways if you do read this far I have a lot of Hope and Faith in you. Because even in your darkest hour you reached out. You’re still here. You made the call you got some really good input and now you’re a little stronger.
Keep putting solid input in no matter if you keep using or if you quit. Because our sober selves are actually the dumb ones. My sober self wants to use way more than my drunk self. It’s the one that’s most tricked that there’s actually a benefit. A benefit has to give more than it takes.
It’s like me sleeping with my wife’s ugliest most out of shape friend when my wife is super hot. It’s not going to give more than it takes. Even if I was tempted I just need to walk through the whole thing in my mind. Allow myself to mentally do it and then to mentally get caught and then to mentally be alone and to mentally be paying alimony and child support… And then to mentally be made fun of for my friends because I traded a 10 for a two… And then to mentally see my former hot wife with one of my rich friends happily married… It’s at this point her ugly friend is no longer a temptation and it’s not even hard to stay away from her.