Self-esteem isn’t what you should strive for. Go for self-confidence. Confidence comes from the Latin words “con” and “fides”. Together: “con fide” - “with faith”. Whereas working on self-esteem can be based off ego boosting, confidence is acting with faith in your abilities. Often with addiction we break that faith we have in ourselves, and we need to work on building that back up, and that can take time, but self-confidence won’t lead us to places we shouldn’t be, because it’s based on reality. Whereas self-esteem’s goal is to make us feel good about ourselves, confidence gives us faith is ourselves helping us to do the hard things and stay true to what is good. As we work on ourselves, our confidence builds, and as our confidence builds, you will find you feel good about yourself. We can’t shortcut our way to it though. We need to take it slow so it’s done right.
I can’t rn. I can’t afford to be confident. Id rather lack self confidence than be dead. And if I keep getting crushed cause I think I deserve to be a real person and talk to real people, I will end up dead. I can’t affortd that. I don’t want that.
Why don’t you think you deserve that?
I don’t. It’s just how it is.
If you accept it, it’s not that bad.
I get the rejection thing. I do.
There are people at my school who see me and than make sure to look at anything around them but me. They get that look - that “Why the hell is he looking at me?” face.
That really hurts. I feel like it’s not worth it all the time.
That moment though, when someone actually smiles back, means the world to me. I know I’m not alone. Take this forum as that smile for you. We care about you. Honestly. I was really worried reading your first posts. Are you religious?
Sounds like a load of BS. You do deserve to be normal and have confidence. Confidence is not the reason you’re endangering yourself.
Idk. I’m not anymore. I used to kind of be. But then the shit happened and like all my beliefs got thrown out the window. Cause I didn’t do anything to deserve that. And I believe that like you get what you give you know, like karma. We’ll, I used to.
No. Confidence makes me actually think we’ll of myself and then people hurt me and it hurts so much more than if I hadn’t spent all that time on confidence. It’s easier this way. I can’t take pain like that rn. There’s too much already.
I think our definitions of confidence are different. Confidence should make you resistant to other people being able to affect you. You become a force for yourself, not being pushed around by others. You aren’t influenced by what goes on around you, YOU influence what’s going on around you.
Confidence is faith in yourself. It means not worrying what others think when their opinions don’t matter. Will others still hurt us? Oh yeah. That’s life. There are some awful people out there. Confidence helps you stay the course and stand strong during times like that though, because you’ve worked through what you should stand for and you have faith in what you’re doing, so it doesn’t matter what others say.
I don’t find the karma thing to make sense personally. That would be to imply people deserve abuse and murder. Sometimes though, as crazy as it sounds, we need the bad things in life to prove what we’re made of. It’s easy to do the good when it’s sunshine and rainbows. It’s a lot harder when times get tough.
Idk how to do that. I don’t think I can. Plus people are everything. I had a friend and he was the only reason I’m alive today and we don’t even talk anymore. It sucks. I just feel crappy. Plus family sucks sand idk. I’m sorry.
What about when good people hurt you? People who said they’d never hurt you ever? I’ve had too much bad. I’m 17 and I’ve been abused/assaulted twice, have depression anxiety and PTSD, have parents who don’t listen to my needs and my friends are the only thing that make me happy and I only really have one now.
Sorry I’m being such a downer. I’m just really sad and this is a thing for me to vent when I’m sad.
Feel free to vent. The thing is that people are fallible. Good people and bad people all mess up. I’m sure you’ve hurt people intentionally/unintentionally yourself. You didn’t necessarily want them to be sad. Not everyone is trying to hurt you. Sometimes it just happens.
@TheTwilightRunner, DJ asked if you were religious. I think you should seek help from a higher power. God will never fail you.
I know. But intentional or not they subconsciously have something going on that says hey, ur not worth my time get out of my way. I don’t really do good. I believe in like a life force and karma type thing. We’ll I did. Idk. Maybe after I figure out the assualt. Cause it’s caused me so much pain and I can’t believe in those if that happens to good people. So we’ll see. Anyways, I’m gonna sleep. There’s no point in staying up.
Btw, thank you both. Ur really nice and this has helped wveen if it’s hard to follow your advice, lol
No one should have to go through assault. It’s evil. That’s on the people who commit it. It says something about them. It has nothing to do with you. How we handle the evil others do, even something so terrible, that is on us. You can’t look at everything bad that happens as a punishment. People make their choices, and sometimes we have to suffer through their choices and go through these trials, not because we are bad, but to prove we are good and to inspire others and bring good to others.
We can talk more tomorrow, okay? You’re a good person and deserve happiness. Honestly. You have so much potential in your life for goodness. I know it’s difficult to harness that ability and power, but you can do it. We’re here for you.
I know it seems that people fail you, but maybe your brain is just interpreting it that way. Do they know that they’re failing you? You cannot blame them for not being able to respond to every need you have. You must learn to be more forgiving of people as well.
Alright, go ahead and rest. We will talk more later!
I guess. Idk. I know it’s not on me, but that’s why idk if the whole do good and it’ll come back to you thing is real anymore.
I guess. Thank you. Yeah, they do. That’s my issue. I forgive people way too much to the point where it hurts me and let’s them do whatever they want.