I made it six years and a month from self harm and lately life has been so so so hard… I can’t get the thoughts of relapse out of my brain… I don’t know what to do anymore.. I thought it would have gotten better, I thought the urge would have went away.. I promised people I wouldn’t ever again but everything hurts I want the pain to stop..
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Oh, I am sorry to hear you are hurting right now. I am glad you came here. Hang in there, friend 
. The urges are temporary, they will pass, once you`ve acknowledged where they are coming from. You´ve made it so far already, you´ve proven that you can make it through difficult times staying sober/clean. Is there something else you can do to relax? Music, puzzles, sports?
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I’m trying so hard to hang in there, I really am.. I’ve been through a lot of stress lately and my family has just been making it so much worse for me.. I usually use music as a coping mechanism because I’m a vocalist and a song writer but my mind has been so cloudy and has been making it impossible for me to write, I just feel so numb and empty..
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It sounds tough and it sucks your family is not of help right now.
I don’t know where you live and whether that’s an option, but when I feel numb like this I turn to sports (swimming) or go for an extended walk. Nature always helps me reconnect with myself and sooth the sadness and rage within. They are both healthy outlets for me, so the emotions don’t get stuck for too long.
And talking things through with someone might also help. Often times it already helps, when we put our thoughts and emotions into words. Are you currently part of a program?
We are here for you 
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I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Sending hugs and love 
You have some impressive time under your belt. I am sure that was not easy to stack up. Grateful that you reached out and are using your tools to keep you from relapsing.
Has something happened recently that could have triggered the urges? Are you able to talk with someone in real life like a therapist or counselor? Self harm will not solve anything and will not make everything any less overwhelming to deal with.
We are here for you. You are not alone.
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I sometimes take walks and stuff like that as well, I live in the middle of nowhere lots of woods around. I have a counselor, I just haven’t made an appointment because I always freeze up when I have to call anyone. I hate talking on the phone because of anxiety
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I appreciate the hugs. It has been extremely hard to keep my composure and not harm myself. I’m just going through a lot mentally. Lots of stuff going on with my fiance and I, my dad and my younger brother keep putting their two sense in about it when I don’t ask for it. I came home yesterday from spending the day with my fiance and stepson and both my brother and father get into my business right when I get home on top of them being sh*t-faced drunk.. which I don’t like being around.. i have a counselor but I haven’t made the appointment because I have really bad anxiety with calling places via phone..
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all of that sounds super frustrating and I can relate to the anxiety of making the calls to set up appointments. I have been delaying that myself and I know that it will be easy and painless once I do it but the doing it is just a bit overwhelming.
I am sorry that your dad and brother are not being supportive. If you can, distance yourself for your own mental safety. Do make that call with your counselor. Hoping things get easier 
Do not let your mind convince you that self harm is in any way going to help you deal with this situation.
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I’ll try my best to reach out to my counselor tomorrow. I’ve been staying in my room most of the time and only coming out when it’s necessary. I appreciate you commenting on my post and talking to me.
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You are most welcome. I would also suggest posting on the Checking in daily to maintain focus #78 thread as it helps to connect with many more members.
I do find that posting and reading help me feel connected and less focused on what I may be experiencing.
Try to practice some self care tonight. 
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Struggling mentally is always hard. Sometimes when I’m struggling I try to meditate and think about nothing for two minutes. If I think about anything in that two minutes I restart. Baby steps! Your strong your worthy and you got this !
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I’m sorry your in rough waters right now. Hope the phonecall will work out. If not maybe you can ask your fiance to make the appointment? Ore someone else you trust?
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Thank you 
Thank you! I’ll probably end up calling myself, I gotta get into the habit of doing things by myself anyway..
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I am sorry that you’re struggling so hard. I am really glad that you decided to come here, post and get support and caring.
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I appreciate everyone who has commented thank you all
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Welcome to the site, @NotLikeTheOothers !