for what seams like the hundreth time. My drinking is getting heavier with each day like always. I have been handling myself well up until recently. Work has been unusually stressfull and it results in me taking my frustrations out on my family, or so I’m told the next morning, every morning. “Do you not remember being a total A-hole to me last night” is the response I get from my wife when I wake up and ask her whats wrong. Of course I dont remember. But apparently I’ve been very hurtful lately when I go into blackout mode. Alchohol is damaging my relationship and if this goes on it will inevitably ruin my life, and my family. So, here I am, for support.
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Great first step! For me, it was only a step. Good luck on your journey, we are all here to help!
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What are you willing to do to get sober? What services are you going to access ? Meetings? This forum is a great source of support but it will not get you sober on its own
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Hey there cSaW
Great to hear you are trying again 
There is an amazing amount of insight and support to be had here, however I think RedDragon asks some important questions.
Wishing you all the very best 
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Do you know how many times I had to apologize for things I didn’t remember? Too many! Those moments are the worst, they make you feel 6 inches tall. I had enough; time to stop looking at the bottom of the bottle for something that was in front of me this whole time. Time to take back my life. Time to be the man my wife fell in love with. Time to quit drinking and reinvent myself!
Wanting to quit is step one, deciding to quit is step two. Having a plan is the most important step of all!
Recovery is within reach, just got to grab it.
Welcome, and good luck!
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Your right. Forums are all Ive ever used and I fail every time. I plan on doing something different this time, not sure what. I was thinking maybe therapy, counceling, hypnosis even. Not AA, not for me.
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I did CBT first then smart recovery give anything a try at least once, everyone is different in their recovery but there are plenty of paths to recovery
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Hi, just out of interest,why do you say that AA is not for you?
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I dont like groups, or speaking, or speaking in groups.
I understand I may have to be uncomfortable at times in order to achieve sobriety, but still i consider AA to be an absolute last resort.
Ok.
All I’m going to say to you is, so far what you have been doing has obviously not been working!
If you really want to stop you have to be prepared to do absolutely anything. Even if that means stepping out of your comfort zone. I obviously don’t know what you have been trying but you were here last year and made a start.
Have you ever been to a meeting. Sometimes we have to work hard at something for it to work.
Like learning an instrument.
Practice makes perfect.
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I would say ESPECIALLY stepping out of your comfort zone.
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Me neither. That’s why I go to speaker meetings so I just listen and I mostly avoid conversation. LOL. But I know I need to start participating soon. I’m just working at my pace.
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Maybe i should have mentioned I have a social phobia. Situations like AA dont just make me uncomfortable, they give me full-on panic attacks. Panic attacks make me want to drink. Thats why I have avoided meetings all these years. Perhaps I should bite the bullet and give it a try anyway.
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Do you think perhaps you have someone you can trust who could go to a meeting with you? They could come to an “open” meeting.
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I want to go to a meeting, i have even driven there and chickened out and didnt go in, i dont know why. Any advice from those of you that go to meetings?
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AA isnt for everyone, hence why there are other programs. Maybe an online one…unfortunately i am not knowledgeable of many. I am sure a little reearch on here will yield a few.
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I chickened out 5 times…finally a good friend texted me all morning the day I went…kinda kept my mind “right”…it worked and i got my butt in a chair.
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Oh gosh. My first meeting I drive around the neighbourhood 3 times and then sat in the parking lot for several minutes before going in. I’m not sure exactly why I went in. Probably because I watched a nice older couple go in first. How scary could it be if they were there too?
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You don’t have to speak in the meetings. I go a lot to listen to others, and often times I get advice on something I am going through. I will say this. Go in with an open mind. Most people you meet there are just like us. They had their first meeting as well. “Keep coming back!” That’s what I was told, and it works. I’m still one that is quite and shy, but they respect that. If I hear something I want more advice on, I have been known to pull the individual aside who shared. AA and its members are here for you and me. I encourage you to go to aa.org Here you will find not only the Big Book, but the twelve and twelve. Read The Doctors Opinion in the big book and also the twelve steps and traditions. Tradition 5 is one to take special note to. I really hope this helps you CSaw.
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