TW.
Mention of suicide, eating disorder and self-harm
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I am at the end of my fight, I don’t have the energy to give fight, giving up seems like a good way to go right now.
I have reached a point right now where I am aaking myself what’s the bloody point, my suicidal thoughts are back and strong. My eating disorder is back and the urge to self-harm is so high.
Not one thing triggered me to this point but bottled up feeling came and exploded all at once, for context I’m a closeted trans male and no one knows, I ended a 14 year friendship with someone because he was willing to cheat on his wife with me and I being an idiot engaged in the sexual conversation not meaning anything by it, I was talking as a dude because that’s what I am a dude and it was innocent sexual talk nothing too disgusting or anything but he got the wrong idea and I ended up helping him cheat on his wife, I have become the red flag I warn people about. I have friends problems, family problems, work problems, I have to deal with my mental health that I can barely handle and I am also dealing with financial problems.
Nothing is working out in my favour not friends, not family, not work, not my mental health, not my sexuality, not money, nothing.
I can’t seem to handle my trauma like I used too, I feel weak, worn out and just burned out. I have this itch on my skin that wants to self-harm but I just hit being 1 year clean and today I it has been 5 months since my last attempt but I feel like a failure I feel like I want to hurt myself and just end everything.
My world is crashing around me and I have nothing but to reach out.
I don’t know what to do.
Can you go to a hospital?
No I can’t, we don’t have a good mental health facility
Maybe you already have some tools. Phone numbers, addresses, contacts. Maybe think about what could help in situations like this.
I don’t know, I can’t think of anything. I am just so lost and scared.
@Deanlover88 I am sorry. But you did check in here, maybe you could use this to check for real help, to talk to somebody. I guess, you know something. I wish you to come over these moments soon!
This is why I reached out.
I’m hoping someone can help me or something.
If you are in the USA you can call 988.
Glad you posted here.
Your life is worth so much. Even when you feel like so much is wrong know that thigs can and will get better. One tiny step at a time you can come back from the bottom. I am glad you have not hurt yourself.
I would like to send some love and hugs your way. Can i say that you are not a failure, you just need some help a we all do sometimes, you do need some professional help if thats available to you if you are feeling suicidal…please try and do that because you do matter, my love to you 
Many of us have times in our lives where we feel like we have messed up everything and can never get things back right…
It is good that you reached out for help. I hope you will not feel quite as alone and weary.
I am trying so hard to fight the urges, the guilt, the multiple problems I just can’t face everything I feel weak and I have zero
Please choose life. Your life. You matter to us here. We care.
We can only talk to you through a computer screen. I am glad you are here talking
So many people in this site have been close to where you are and have managed to pull themselves up from the deep depths.
Remember, you have value. Your life has value. It can get better.
You are not alone.
If you want help from your 3D world call 911. Or the 988 which is not for emergencies.
They will understand.
You do not have to face it all at one time. that is too big of a burden. That is overwhelming.
Right now concentrate on staying alive. That is what you have to do right now. Your focus.
I reached out because I can’t be alone because I’m scared of it. I messed up my “friendship” if you can even call it that, he alone saw me as a sexual object and that makes me feel disgusting, I’m a trans man and all he saw me was as a woman which is something gross to me. I am just overwhelmed with everything and that incident made me break
Because that one person saw you as a sexual object doesnt mean that you are and says much more about them than you
My brain is working 100 miles per hour with thoughts and reasons and everything, I am trying to focus, I am trying to fight, I have no fight left in me, no energy I am so overwhelmed feeling so worthless.
That happened and I can understand how it is upsetting and traumatizing. I am sorry that happened. Now that is in your past.
It has happened.
You are now in your present.
After everything I have done for him I’ve been there for him throght thick and thin and he just never saw me as a friend.
Ive felt like that about people before and its tough but again this says alot more about him…dont allow this person to dictate your worth, you did so much for him tells me you are a good person and are worth your time to get help and get better and you can. Nothing and nobody in this world is worth hurting yourself over
I know I am
But my brain and the voices keep telling about all the negative things. I know you guys are trying your best but I just feel like I’m repeating myself and I don’t want to take time out your schedules, I don’t want to be a burden