Randomly just threw my progress away drank and did coke on a work night, no idea why, it was like everything I’ve been promising myself just went out the window and there was literally no reason for it, it was like I decided then that was it, I think I need to come to some sort of realisation or something, how do I even prevent that happening again? It sounds ridiculous but i don’t know how else to articulate it, like there was no resistance from the sensible side of my brain, nothing there telling me to stop 
I put my job, my life, my house etc… at risk and obviously health as well, but I didn’t care at all last night… it’s like I’m two different people sometimes
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Mark! I can relate to the feeling of no impulse control as well as feeling like you’re two different people. Mindfulness meditation has helped me a lot with this. I’m learning to practice the art of the pause. Not easy, I can tell you that! My mind is always busy, I have to constantly remind myself to stop and think before I do anything. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about the lapse in judgment. Learn from it, and maybe try meditation?
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There’s never a reason. Only excuses. At least you don’t have those. The only reason is that we’re addicts. The addicted parts of our brains makes us do this sort of things. We need a plan to not let it happen again. You have to think up that plan. An example of part of a plan is to come here before you use and talk about your ugre. Or join meetings and have phone numbers to call when in need. Staying sober is work. A work of love but work nonetheless. We can do it but we need to do the work. Success.
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Need a good foundation and network round you and a new mind set otherwise it will happen again meetings new sober friends phone numbers will help stopping is easy staying stopped get harder so why not use the any means to give you help wish you well
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Youve gotta make your sobriety your absolute top priority not just something uve stopped doing, think about what its done to your life and remember that nothing in this world is worth drinking over…you can always find another way
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@Mark_88 … I totally get that! I feel the same at times where my brain has no reasoning. I took feel at times like 2 different people and it kinda scares me.
I appreciate your honesty in expressing the fall you took.
Best part about falling is that you can get back up 
Dust yourself off, remember it and move on from it to continue doing better.
It’s not a shame to fall … it’s a shame to not get back up💜
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I get it too…i felt like that when i was trying to get sober…i think we get to a point where weve lost faith in being able to control ourselves asthough something takes over us but honestly you absolutely can get that control back…yes its not easy but each time you manage to tell that addict voice no then your resolve gets stronger…if u cant do it by yourself then come on here before u pick up and we will talk you through it…thats part of why we as addicts need each other so we can support u at those times you feel weak 
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@Mark_88 You relapsed because you’re an alcoholic, it’s not natural for us NOT to drink. Research the nucleus accumben of the brain and addiction, it’s science! In early soberity I was driving home from work, I was in my head thinking and my car pulled in front of the liquor store I used to always visit. Nothing bad happened that day, I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t sad, but I was sitting in my car thinking how did I get here? I intended on driving to a meeting. What I started doing from then on out was making plans. I had to plan my drives, it was thoes intentions that kept me from accidentally driving to another liquor store. By the way, when I realized where my car drove me I immediately called my sponsor and told her what just happened. She met me at the meeting and after the meeting we had a meeting with her and our small group of 6 women and 2 men at a nearby café. By the time I was leaving the café I was exhausted and slept through the night. Which was rare in my 1st year, it was actually rare for 3 years to sleep through the night. As an old timer told me, when your ass falls off. Put it in a bag and take it to a meeting. And always tell on your disease, we are only as sick as our secrets.
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That’s what people do that have an addiction do! No consequence can prevent you from your addiction. That’s why it is so vital to find a program that works for you. I only know how AA works, so my experience is limited. If your tired of your life as it is… seek help!
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Ohhhhh girl … @Starlight14, those are some great words! Thank-you for them 
Today is day 7, it was a fast week, I am nervous for the next one.
I am still learning how to navigate this app and alllll the community “stuff”. So hope everyone can bare with me, lol.
This really is an amazing place to be. 
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Im glad your here with us, when i came here around 14 months ago i was rock bottom and absolutely desperate…ive been on here every day since and stayed sober - thats not a coincidence…this community is amazing, take your time, read around and if your not sure on anything just ask, 7 days is fantastic well done Charlie
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I can relate so much to this like there’s no sence to do it and we no we will regret it after but still we don’t care. Like destruction mode. That’s all part of recovery and getting better. U feel ashamed so that means u want to change and get better so try not to be hard on yourself. Keep going you can do this 
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Well the same thing happened again unfortunately, no excuses but I just didnt prioritise going to a smart meeting and the same thing as the other day happened on Saturday but more extreme, think it’s coz I put the recovery work off not realising I would go off the rails again given the chance. Dunno what else to say. Think I know.what I need to do anyway now, just need to put my heart into it fully. Feels like I’m getting worse at a faster rate the moment I’ve started trying to get sober, anyway. I’ll check back in soon.
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When you are ready and make the decision that only you can make…to get sober once and for all…we will be here 
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Do NOT beat yourself up Mark! That will only push you further down the rabbit hole.
When you are clear headed look at yourself in the mirror, ask yourself some hard questions ( don’t look away from yourself!) … and answer them. Take to heart what you hear yourself say. Do this as many times as it takes for you to be real with yourself and understand your answers.
Scree the past mistakes, that are already made and gone hun. Now and from now on is what matters.
I believe you can do this.
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exactly. you said you put off your “recovery work” & that’s why you easily relapsed. so now it’s time to put your heart fully into that daily work!
this is exactly true. we don’t just stop using and “okay that’s it”. we have to do work, we have to create new habits (coming on this app, going to meetings, maybe a new hobby etc); we have to be really present and careful, and look at things in the face that we are used to running away from. it’s work, and it can be emotional and psychologically difficult at times. but it’s SO WORTH IT because the alternative is ruining our life over and over again. you got this brother! we’re doing it together 
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It is true, getting and staying sober is hard but so is drinking/using…so its kinda pick your hard really…at least the former is healthy and positive
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UPDATE: I did my first Smart Meeting last night and have more meetings in my diary this week which I’m gonna make sure I go to. I’ve started a journal and I’ve been listening to loads of sobriety podcasts in work and at home, I feel like I’ve jolted myself into actively putting the effort in and being proactive now, so I’m starting to feel more motivated and determined but at the same time remaining vigilant to prevent any possible hiccups 
Thanks for all the words of encouragement to everyone on here, hope everyone has a wonderful week
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This is great to read Mark love it! Its only you that can do it, youve got be determined, have sobriety your top priority and go after at it! Sounds like your doing that now, great decision 
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