She will absolutely do it again. She doesn’t respect you.
I’ve read a lot of posts on this thread. A lot of people who have been on the receiving end of the extra marital affair or cheated on. A lot also saying she can’t be trusted etc.
I am a cheater, I was with my fiancée for 20 years and last year I cheated on her. There is a saying that once a cheater, always a cheater….it’s true. I will forever be a cheater, however a cheater doesn’t always cheat. By this I mean I cheated on my fiancée last year, we have worked this out, there are still times when I know she is concerned about my actions but I expect this.
I will be honest and open about my affair, I don’t regret it, don’t get me wrong I’m not proud of it either. I learnt so much about myself, about how I really needed to cope with my feelings, my depression, my alcoholism and I learned to see my true value and rediscover my true love for my fiancée.
I was looking for perfection, the perfect life etc. it doesn’t exist, love is not about perfection but about seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I had taken my fiancée for granted for years, not noticed the little things she did daily, not taken notice of small changes and the way she was the glue that held our family together. It was never her fault, although I tried to blame her for my actions.
A cheater will only recover once they accept the blame for their actions relies on them. Thankfully for me I accept my blame and my fiancée stuck by me. I don’t look to blame anyone else, the betrayed partner is never to blame, there are a million reasons someone may look elsewhere but not one that is justifiable to actually go ahead and do it! I can’t justify it but I can’t regret it either.
I don’t regret it simply because my fiancée and I are still together, learning some truths about me, my feelings, my mental health, my addiction and my lack of personal responsibility for my actions galvanised our relationship. My affair wasn’t through lack of sexual activity, emotional instability or anything other than the fact that I had taken so much for granted that I felt I needed to look elsewhere for what I THOUGHT I was missing. The grass is always greener where you water it and I had watered everywhere but home! Learning about myself has helped me become a better partner, a better father and a better person. I now see and appreciate the little things my partner does and I let her know that, I tell her that daily. I used to think buying lavish gifts made her happy, now I see it’s the small things, the kisses at the end of messages (which I put on others messages but not hers), the making her a banana split ice cream and taking it to her in bed when I come in from a shift at 2am just so we can cuddle and talk the small things that make us bond together better than ever.
Leopards don’t tend to change their spots but some of us grow as a person!
All is not lost, I’m not saying anyone who was cheated on should forgive the person who betrayed them, all I am saying is it’s not always bleak, sometimes a ray of sun comes out of the dark clouds.
I hope anyone who has been cheated on heals from the pain they have suffered. I can never apologise enough for the pain I caused but I can make each day better than the days before and show how much I love my partner!
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This was so well put. Wow. Actually it was beautiful
Kids feel a lot, in short: they deserve and want a dad who is happy and doesn’t have to live together with them in a toxic environment.
Another option is that you work it out, but then to the bottom if it. Her infidelity has nothing to do with you, it’s filling up something she might miss. Most likely a void. If you’re both willing to work on it with some help it might not be lost.
Hey @Nolan hope this message finds you well and thriving. Would be great to get an update on things turned out for you and how you are now! All the best!