I spent most of the day in bed, but I applied to some jobs online. Went to a meeting that made me feel so much better and then stopped at the store to get stuff to make cookies tomorrow for my home group.
On my way home I saw someone from my meetings who I really like just chillin on the sidewalk with his shirt off with a can in his hand. He looked fucked up and put the can down and I asked if he was okay and he said yeah so I just walked away but then felt such guilt in my stomach like should I do something? I asked my homegroup (group chat) and everyone told me that it wasn’t safe to be alone with them and that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves and I needed to hear that. But I still felt sad… I called him but his phone was dead and just got me to thinking about how my friend overdosed and how I wanted so badly to help him in that moment and wishing I could have intervened. I was like if something happens to him I’m going to be really mad.
So I prayed for him.
Then I went to a meeting that his sponsor normally goes to, to find him, and told him he needed to check on him. The guy ends up showing up thank god and they were able to talk.
Afterwards I talked to him and gave him a hug and he was just so depressed. He’s usually always super smiley and the jokester and able to lighten up the mood it broke my heart to see him like that. But I talked with him and we made plans to go job hunting together on Monday and ride bikes.
I’m so fucking grateful this story had a happy ending. I’m so grateful that when I gave him a huge hug he told me how much he needed that. I’m so grateful I could be there and talk with him… that’s what this shit is all about. Being there for others. And I did all the right things by contacting my homegroup and going to a meeting and talking to his sponsor.
Even the happiest go lucky people can be struggling so hard and I thank God I could do even the smallest part in making someone feel better. I was so depressed last night but then I realized: HALT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Posted on here, then realized I’d barely ate food that day and ate a bunch of food and went to sleep and felt so much better!
To go from suicidal one night to feeling ultimate gratitude the next shows how fucking wonked out my brain is. I am in no position to save anyone but I can offer support and in turn help myself by doing so.
Thank you to everyone who has and continues to respond to me when I need it. Life is not the best, but gratitude is pulling me through.
What an emotional rollercoaster!
Amazing that you were able to be there for someone at their time of need. But do remember that there is only so much you can do, you aren’t and can’t be responsible for anyone else’s sobriety. Just as I’m sure you wouldn’t expect anyone else to be responsible for yours. I say this with absolute kindness, no criticism or judgement, I have felt guilty about not helping people etc. But all we can do is our best. Holding space for people and being there for them when they need us is absolutely good enough.
Side note, it’s interesting how the phrase good enough often implies the opposite. Like we should always be doing more than enough. Why do we try and hold ourselves up to stupidly high standards? It’s like we want reasons to feel awful about ourselves!
What a good feeling that must give you after all. You definitely did the right thing. It’s a win/win situation. You helped him and by doing that you are helping yourself too.
Great job at self care and giving of yourself. Taking life one day at a time and really tuning in to where we are at. Be gentle with yourself.
You’re so fucking awesome, you really are🤗
I think u r truly amazing… we need more people like u in the world x
I want to say something but I can’t think of what to say. Literally.
You talk of your own feelings of sadness and suicide. And how up and down the emotional ladder you can be at any given time of day!
And yet you had the fortitude and time for someone else in pain!
You, my girl, are one hell of a person! Really!
Sorry @siand, I ment this to be in reply to @Fj007
Not that you aren’t a wonderful person as well 