Im Greg, soon to be 28. I had trouble childhood, my dad often beat the sh… out of me, while mother encoured him. And generally there was lack of any emotional support.
Ive joined neonazi gang at age of 14. The gang, lifestyle and being part of something filled the hole in my heart, as the gang was kind of a family that accepted and protected me.
As years go by I grow up to understand that im not a nazi nor racist, as well as most of hatefull ideology lack sense and are pathethic.
At age of 20 As i run off the gang, rejected all contacts and anything that was in common with this nonesense.
At some point i felt void. Something missing. It was the hate. Struct sense of rules and guidence. That thing was actually empowering me, giving sense of pride, confidence and the will to go further.
So i lost it for common sense. That was 8 years ago. And since that time i was doing whatever i can to fill the void inside me.
I started using drugs then. Loads of diffrent ones, over 350 diffrent psychoactive substances. Ive have become politoxycomaniac addict.
Ive learn with time that drugs have become substitute of close relationship with anyone (girlfriends,friends, family,life), as it is easier to escape reality through high, rather than face the reality.
Outside i seem fine, talky lad with no problems at all, yet inside im rottening with high functioning depression, anxiety, loneliness and drug addiction.
2 years ago i started thinking about some future, carrier-wise. And i actually made it to e-commerce, where im taking steps on a ladder of my carrier.
But im alienated, i dont have anyone to whom i could be true and tell who 'em I, one depressed and alienated junkie scared to get to close with anyone (thats why i ruined all potental relationships, its like if i open myself ill be able to get hurt, so i avoid even this).
I verdosed opioids couple of hours ago (surprisingly first time), and i realised i want to live.
So as being realist im not saying it is the day ive stoped doing drugs. It is a day when i started fighting the problem.