Hello everyone. I’m Madeleine – I’m 31, am married to my lovely husband with whom I have two children, and I am presently finishing my master’s program. My addiction is alcohol, and at this point I am testing how serious it really is. I have fallen into the habit of having at least two drinks a day. My drug of choice is red wine. Sometimes I would have two or three glasses full clear to the brim – far more than standard five oz servings. I usually have boxed wine, but times that I have had bottles, I have found myself nearly clearing a bottle occasionally, and rarely, going through the whole bottle. The habit I have been in for the past month or so is having one canned Moscow mule drink and one five oz serving of red wine in a day (I measure it). My main issue at this point is less the amount, and more the fact that it is daily and I look forward to it so much.
I have been “sober” for just over two days now and it has had to be a quite conscious choice. Part of my strategy has been offering myself the option of tea instead of alcohol.
Reasons that having at least two to three glasses of wine a day was working for me include how it somehow actually nearly always made me happier, in a good mood and far more talkative than I usually am. I would feel all of my tension dissipate, and I always tend to have tension. Everything would seem to become more salient.
I’ve been focusing lately on more healthily eating and losing some weight, as well as making it to my weight goal – so for that I’ve been using a calorie tracking app called LifeSum and it has helped me realize how much space, calorically, drinking takes out of my daily 1400 cal. I have had to be more particular scout what I eat and make sure it’s not just “empty” calories.
Anyway, so I’m on day 3 of seeing how this is all going. I have not decided to permanently quit but do recognize that it is an issue for me to believe that I need a drink every day as my “relaxing” thing.
Hi Madeleine, welcome to the forum and thanks for telling your story so open and honest. I’d say this is a good place for you to discover more about problematic drinking, alcoholism and other addictions. Explore the forum, read stories, interact with other folks here and learn.
I recognize your drinking pattern in how mine was when I started drinking at home (away from home I was quite a binge drinker too). Just a few glasses of wine after work at night to unwind, to relax, to come loose. It took some years but ever so slowly the amounts increased. When I reached two bottles of wine a day I decided it was time to stop and was lucky I could. At that point drinking didn’t do anything positive for me. I didn’t think it did something good for me too, but it had became a very bad habit and an addiction, making me hungover in the morning, functioning badly in my work and in my private, becoming evermore depressed until I had some serious suicidal ideations. I also have a lot of tension which years ago was released by drinking, but that effect has passed a long time ago.
Anyway, I see you are realizing some stuff about yourself and your drinking and how these patterns you seem to develop are not good or healthy. I agree. I hope this place can help you with making a good informed decision about how you your relationship with alcohol should be. I wish you all success in your journey.
One more thing: this site is called talking sober for a reason. Controlled drinking is not something people are in favour of here, nor have I ever seen someone here who could do so successfully.
I think we all wish we had your problems. This is a place for people that have no control over alcohol and/or narcotics meaning one beer turns into fifty, magnums and doubles consumed till you pass out, that oz score turns into an ether filled weekend. Personally, I’m not here to make friends, I’m here for something that became a tidal wave in my life and nearly destroyed all that I know. My best friend got sober, I had no other option than to reform.
Hi Madeleine, welcome to the forum! Good for you for being so aware of your behaviours around alcohol and making a conscious choice to do something about it
I know for me sobriety has been a big learning curve, working out how to live life on life’s terms. I have come to realise the things that I thought I needed alcohol for were actually already inside me. It has taken some work to tap into them and it is easier at some times than others. But it is a good feeling knowing that I don’t have to be chemically enhanced to cut loose. I now honestly can’t see the point in drinking.
I have found this forum an incredible place for advice, support and community. This thread might be helpful to you to get started >>
Read around, keep checking in and reach out whenever you need to.
