There is no black and white answer to this question, which is good, because it gives us space to think it over and talk it out and listen and learn and for me that’s one the best things about being sober.
I’m opening this thread because I couldn’t find one with this topic. The question “is this my fate?” “am I doomed to be an addict forever?” comes up pretty regularly here but there’s no thread where we can dig into it and share learning and experience. That’s what this thread is for: for people to share learning and experience about getting free from the addiction, especially related to situations where addiction has been present across generations of a family.
I’ll kick it off with something I found today from a recent study of genetic markers of people struggling with addiction. Note - important - the title says there are “shared genetic markers”, but that does not mean “it’s genetic and I’m screwed / the game is stacked against me and I can’t win”. “shared genetic markers” is a pattern that occurs, and it deserves more study, to understand why it occurs. (Red and green might be Christmas colours in many places, for example, but just because you see red and green together in a room doesn’t mean it’s Christmas. It’s a pattern that can occur in many places.)
Very interesting thread @Matt! Made me think as i often have wondered if addiction is genetic or hereditary.
See im the only person in my family who is an addict/alcoholic. And the only person in my family who ever had an addiction to nicotine. Im basically the black sheep lol. BUT… i know for a fact that mental health at a young age played a HUGE roll in my addiction. And mental health issues IS hereditary in my family. I may have used drugs and alcohol to cope, but my mother (for example) used others things outside of substances to cope with her mental health. She was addicted to other things.
I think too that a persons environment plays a big roll as well. It makes it harder to follow a different path when ur surrounded by alcohol/drugs or are struggling to have a safe place to live.
I do agree tho that even tho mental health or addictions can be present in our circimstances, that doesnt mean that we are “doomed” to live this way. We are all responsible for our own lives. We may have been dealt a rough hand, but that doesnt mean that it needs to stay that way as we grow older
I think nature and nurture, accessibility and normalization of the addiction and trauma all play parts.
I have addiction on one side of my family and strong anxiety/OCD tendencies on the other. I would say I was predisposed.
I was told early about my genetic predisposition and in the other hand I was told that I absolutely should not drink or abuse substances for that reason. The first hint of family trauma sent me running for it.
I think I will always have addictive tendencies so now it’s up to me to uncover and avoid those situations that make me crave.
The more we know the stronger we are. Good topic.
Interesting read. My dad was a functioning alcoholic, so I proceeded through life with caution. I also saw my sister almost destroy her family using cocaine. Eventually, I fell into the same patterns as dad and sis, but much later in my life. Drinking and doing cocaine daily. I had a decent life so I don’t know why I ended up where I did. Sure, I had a lot of life challenges that we all face, but no trauma or mental health issues to lead me down the addiction road. The only answer for me is genetics. Not that I need an answer.
Oh that’s a very interesting topic.
In my family addictions run strong on both sides.
My childhood was awful, with a drinking mom and a father who looked away and let it all happen. Or was he even the cause? I don’t know.
I think that there is a genetic connection but I strongly believe that we are still those who are in control in the end.
I could have become a mirror of my mom, but I didn’t because I fight that part of me.
I could have become an emotional mess, like my dad, but I’m not.
I could be angry at the world and would want everyone I meet go through the same I went through, but I don’t.
I decided that.
And so can you.
For me addiction is a totally logical consequence of the way I grew up as a kid, with emotional neglect as a toddler and sexual abuse in elementary school. Finding hash and marijuana, and getting addicted to substances as a 13 year old the perfect follow up to that. I guess maybe my mom could be classified as an alcoholic, she certainly drank a lot, my dad also drank daily but back then it wasn’t considered outrageous. None of my grandparents drank. Nor has my sis any problems with substances.
I work in a detox, which is the most bio-medical orientated place in drugs and substance abuse treatment possible. And as an experience worker (and a bit as a nurse) there I represent the other side, the social side, the societal side, the sociological side, the humane side of addiction. And I feel in the end that part is more important than studying genes. But I’m not a doctor or a scientist. I do have some knowledge though.
This is a great thread and I have pondered those same questions too. My grandpa had a serious problem with alcohol and he also had mental health issuess. My parents don’t have a drinking problem, but they both have mental health problems. My childhood was shitty and I found substances when I was around 14 years old. And I have serious mental health problems, but I don’t know much of those are genetic. But I do know that I can change the course, I can live a happy and balanced life, it just takes time to get back on track. Never give up.
This is the kind of dialog and interactions I enjoy. I’ve gone back and forth with this topic, in my head, many times during my life.
I think you can draw attributes from addiction being somewhat genetically predisposed, in a sense, and also the nature vs nurture aspect, as @TrustyBird mentioned.
I, for one, think my father suffers from the same affliction that I do. My exposure to my DOC took shape at an early age. Prior to that, I was disassociated and not knowledgeable about anything related to that. It wasnt until I came into contact with my Father’s “contraband” that I began to become enticed by it, to the point of obsession.
Then, after that, it became my unhealthy way to self-sooth and cope, as I didn’t know any different. Isolation and burying feelings and emotions and not needing or wanting to address them became my norm. That, along with seeing behaviors over the years, I started to adopt those mannerisms and such as my own.
Now, to say that he is to blame for my actions isn’t a fair assessment. I know who I am, the things I’ve done and said, and I take accountability for that.
This topic reminds me of a poem that I wrote nearly a year ago when I was starting to come to some realizations and acceptance… here it is>>>
A Father’s figure
When I peer deeply into the mirror, the figure in front of me is nearly unrecognizable. The more I stare, the less of myself I see. My father dwells within me.
I can feel the weight of his silhouette tarrying like an unsuspecting overcast. Shall this, too, pass?
The things I disdain yet remain, and I can’t seem to shake it. So I guess instead embrace it, mold it, and shape it. Transform myself into something more palatable so I can stomach the taste of it.
I continue my journey as my own man to whereabouts unknown, and still, along the way, I find that we’re aligned on paths that his footsteps once called home.
If it’s genetic in my case it has skipped a generation. Both Grandfathers had problems with alcohol and one was a heavy smoker. The drink didn’t cause the family any issues as both Grandmothers kept their men on a very tight reign, very strong women who took no messing.
So here I am almost 21 years AF but still a smoker even though I’ve COPD and I still have addictive tendencies, but luckily I’ve never been interested in drugs, tried some dope as a kid and it didn’t do anything for me, same with mushrooms all my mates were tripping but not me.
I’ve a very high tolerance level for prescription meds which in itself causes problems as a normal dose of say Nephopan doesn’t do the job, however this is on my medical records so, now I get prescribed a dose that works for me.
My addictive tendencies show up in other ways, if I’m reading an author I will read all their books end to end, over the last 2 weeks I’ve read 19 books by Kerry Wilkinson and still have 4 to go. Chocolate is so another one and I can’t just have 2 or 3 biscuits I have to eat the whole bloody packet, the only way around it is not to buy any in the first place, but that doesn’t always work.
It also manifests itself in activities, like the gym, Karate, Krav Magar, the list goes on and on, but it keeps me fitish.
So really, I don’t know where it came from, but if you cut me in half I’d have ‘addict’ written right through me like a stick of seaside rock.
I’ve just got to take it ODAAT and be on the lookout for anything that’s getting out of hand and so far I’ve been realitively successful, it helps to have a loving wife who knows me better than I know myself and isn’t shy in bringing addictive behaviour to my attention, but I have to do the leg work. &
My parents aren’t drinkers, my grandparents weren’t either. My Dad’s side is all teetotalers. My Mom’s sister, my Aunt, was ‘manic depressive’ as the term was used back then and an alcoholic/pill abuser and died of an overdose in her early 40s. My Mom’s two other siblings, like my Mom, rarely drink, if at all.
Anxiety tho, it runs rampant on my Mom’s side and with me and my siblings. Of my sibs, two others have addiction issues, the 3rd never drinks or drugs, but is ‘addicted’ to running. Interestingly, my Mom nurtured a disordered body image thing for me, and both my SILs had disordered eating, as did/do their daughters, as well as alcohol /drug issues for one of my nieces. All entwined.
For me, I think it is partially genetic from my Mom’s side with the anxiety + trauma induced from sexual trauma as a youth + never having learned emotional regulation or healthy coping skills. We were a ‘normal’ US family of the 60s/70s with the usual don’t talk about feelings, undiscussed sexual repression/trauma and all that. I hung out with hippies as a teen and did a lot of drugs and stayed in that lifestyle for decades…bonding with others over drugs and/or alcohol. Not healthy commections.
Of course that is only my personal experience as a lower middle class and yet very privileged person growing up in the US. I think environment is very impactful and people growing up with no nurture or negative nurture, no healthy emotional connection or bonding have that much more of a hurdle, or surrounded by alcohol and drug culture or mental health crises. Add to that genetic markers and it is a very rough place to start. Plus cultural, societal mores + options available to you.
It is complicated for sure and I am just grateful to be sober and generally okay. The world’s suffering is so much, this little bit of healing we can do, it helps.
Love this topic @Matt. Genetics and alcohol is something I mull over all the time. I have a long line of alcholics on both my maternal and paternal side. I am trying to reserach the varying arguments as to whether alcholism is a learned behaviour, or if neurologically, we are somehow more likely to be predisposed to addictive patterns and how alcohol reacts with our bodies and minds. Will let you know if I find any interesting theories and thanks for posting this!
I love this topic. I’ve always heard that there’s a genetic component to addiction, but i do realize that genetics are not simply direct heritability, as evidenced by there being no addicts that i know of in my family (aside from moi). Certainly, though, mental illness runs in my family, and scientists have a better understanding of the heritability of things like depression and even bpd. I wonder how much the connection has been explored from the genetics standpoint. Thanks for posting this.
Very good point! And it also means we don’t have to be at the table. We got a losing hand in the alcohol game (or other substance or behaviour game), so we choose to leave and do activities where we grow and learn. That “losing hand” is actually a dream come true
There’s nothing wrong with you at all. In fact, you dodged a bullet! See “losing” hand, above.
I get this. Looking back over my decades in addiction I think I was primed for it. I’m curious to see how I’m making different choices now. It feels like I’m learning to walk again.
Me too!
That’s an excellent question - really makes for some good thinking (and research). It’s an open question that deserves study.
This. Absolutely. It has taken me a long time to get over my over-analysis and just choose to be mindful like this. I’m still learning.
This is gold, Ray. Not something we can dig into on Talking Sober - we’re not a medical research organization! - but the identical twin thing is fascinating. Same genetics, different paths. I hope that cases like yours can be found and studied in the years to come.
Absolutely. Genetics are far from fate. There’s interesting patterns but we still choose how we choose to live with them and respond to them (and find spaces where we thrive and grow, too). It’s like being someone who lives with coeliac disease. Sure, there are genetic factors at play, but what really matters is the choices you make, and there’s an endless supply of dietary choices at hand, to live and thrive without eating any gluten at all. It’s about choices.
This is a really good point. There’s a lot of variables that are very much present in our lives, interacting with us (social, family, humane, all the others you mention). It’s a rich tapestry of factors and I think you raise a good point that focusing on these factors - which are at least factors where we have choices about how we engage and respond - is a constructive and even an empowering place to start.
Absolutely. My dad’s side of the family is riddled with some pretty significant psychiatric challenges going back at least to my paternal grandfather. It’s a shame that my paternal grandfather (and to a lesser extent my father) lived in a time and place where acknowledging and responding to these challenges in healthy ways was so rare (often unheard of).
I get this completely. It’s like I drifted along and then ZAP! - I came in contact with my addiction, and it grew from there.
This is so true. My wife is a big part of why I am making my progress today. I’m doing it for me, but she is a huge support, emotionally and financially and physically, as I work through this.
Definitely. It’s a multi-factor thing. In some ways it’s like growing vegetables. Different soils are better for different vegetables, so the environment dictates the farming and the growing. (And also, some soils are just toxic and nothing grows, and those are soils to recognize and avoid. Also to understand, in safe ways.)
Thank you! Your findings will be gratefully reviewed. I love the research aspect of this.
Me too! The mental dysfunction pattern is so recognizable looking back over the men on my dad’s side of the family that I have asked myself the same question. In what ways are conditions like BPD, depression, ADHD, and schizophrenia (among other conditions too) heritable, and how does that happen? How can this experience be navigated in a construe way? There have to be ways. I believe it’s a matter of searching and sharing and connecting with other people working on their own health and sobriety.
What a fantastic topic and thread! I have reflected on what I have seen in my family history and what I’ve learned about how people develop.
What I have learned makes me lean to the ambiguous”nature/nurture” response that we know for many behaviors. But in this case I’m going to throw in the topic of trauma.
My family has generational trauma that we (both sides of the family) self-medicated with alcohol (in an alcohol-soaked culture). Because we were all pretty high-functioning, we did not address our alcoholism or our trauma until the generation of my siblings and I. So we wonder if the trauma had been removed, would we have all become alcoholics? (All 3 sober and recovering!)
Multiple violent deaths, losses, long-running child sexual and physical abuse set us up for chronic depression, anxiety, and more significant mental health issues. An alcohol soaked culture let us feel relief in booze and fed us into the cycle of addiction. Would we have wound up there if we had had a safe and stable and loving childhood? Maybe…
Were our parents so impaired in their own trauma that they could not see what was happening to their children? They self-medicated with the alcohol that we all grew up and grew into. And then we modeled that for our growing children, most of whom are now adults who use too much too.
In our family, my siblings and I say that it ends with us. We have not been perfect parents, but due to good education and exposure to healthier families through our early marriages (of escape), we all managed to raise our children without abuse and with much more stability than we saw. We have all accessed mental health support and we have taught our children to do the same. As adults now, several of them have taken steps to address their mental health. 2 of the 4 young adults have also determined they do not want to drink anymore either.
In 2001 our father committed suicide as the culminating act of a tortured and dangerous life in which he also harmed his 3 children in terrible ways. 24 years later the 3 of us are now sober and in active recovery. We have changed the narrative of our family and have committed that it ends with us. We can’t prevent all bad things from happening in our family, but we can support each other and bring trauma-informed practices to the hard times that enter our lives. Genetically we all did inherit intelligence and emotional power to do better and be better. And with good care of ourselves and our children we are addressing the problems of our lives. And we are finding joy. One day at a time. Thank you for starting this thread. I wish you all peace!
This is sobering and empowering, how you and your siblings chose to face your past and come to terms with it sober. Thank you for sharing
I’m familiar with the nature/nurture question but I’d never considered how it would relate to trauma. Trauma could be (?) classed under the “nurture” side, but there really isn’t anything nurturing about trauma. It’s almost like effluent being poured into a river, making the water undrinkable downstream. It takes years to clean the river up enough for the water to be drinkable. (It takes some outside help too.)
and for me that’s one the best things about being sober.
🩷
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This. Absolutely. It has taken me a long time to get over my over-analysis and just choose to be mindful like this. I’m still learning.