I cannot find anywhere in the AA Big Book that says you have to choose a “sponsor”. And this book was written by the founder, the head guru. So where did this sponsorship thing come from? I don’t have a problem with an accountability partner but i don’t want someone telling me what to do on a daily basis… I’m afraid if i got a sponsor and that person was pressuring me to do things that i wasn’t able to do that i would just get angry and quit the whole program. I’m just being honest because i know myself. I work two jobs and am going to school so i cannot go to a meeting every single day. And i feel like they would be insisting that i did… I’m just going on what I’ve heard from friends of mine who are in AA… One friend in particular i remember her telling me that any issue she had that her sponsor’s answer was always “go to a meeting”… Well i can come up with that all by myself. . At one point she told me she felt this person was trying to run her life… And that’s another thing, i can’t find anywhere in that Big Book that says you need to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. My guess is that back in the early days they didn’t even have meetings available on a daily basis. I am willing to do this program as laid out in the big book. Is that enough?
I don’t follow that book, but I do go to AA meetings. I don’t have a sponsor, and I don’t know what I would do with one if I did. But my two cents is that if you feel you don’t want one and that it would impact your recovery negatively, then don’t have one. It also comes down to personality. Maybe your friends have controlling people as their sponsors. Perhaps you could sit down with potential sponsors and discuss these worries and fears with them and maybe one will work with your needs? I suggest at least trying it. Good luck!
I’m digging up the pamphlet on sponsorship now that explains it better than I can. Nothing in AA is required, in Chapter 5 it states “these are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery”. A sponsor is there to take you through the steps since we wouldn’t know if we were doing them right if we did them by ourselves.
I tried the AA buffet before and I relapsed. I thought I could do AA my way and it would work. I had 30 days sober, so of course I knew everything. Why would I need someone with 10 years sober to teach me anything? By 60 days I was drinking again.
Do you need a sponsor? No
Is it going to make life a lot easier to have one? Yes.
I’m at 38 days without AA or a sponsor. You can do it. It might be harder, but it’s doable. There have been a handful of times I wish I had someone at my disposal to call, but I managed. I’m still open to attending a meeting here and there and finding a sponsor. I’m not too bullheaded that I can’t admit that my own willpower might only take me so far. You do what you need to do.
My sponsor has primarily been the person who helped me understand the steps; I’m glad to have her, because my interpretations of a couple have been way off. I called her every day at 4:00pm for the first 90 days - she suggested this at first, and it felt good to me to know this check-in was coming. Many days I got her voicemail, but it still felt good to tell someone I was sober and doing well - and I’ve had only three individual face to face meetings in 118 days. Each sponsor is different; I bet you could find a good fit if you decide you want one.
I can only speak from my own personal experiences. I’ve been in and out of AA for 10 years. I’ve had a bit of time before, over a year, but always relapsed because I was trying to do everything my way. This time I was blessed with the gift of desperation and became totally willing and teachable. I have 323 days now, I know that’s not a ton, but I could not have done this without my sponsor. She’s become my friend and family. She loved me until I could love myself. She’s brought me into a circle of sober women that are now my tribe. At any moment I have 20 plus close sober friends I can call if I’m in trouble. I was recently in an accident that landed me in the hospital for three weeks, these women brought meetings to me and came to sit with me daily. Loneliness and isolation is a thing of the past. I meet my sponsor once a week to do step work and talk to her daily and I look forward to it. She would never ask me to do anything she isn’t willing to do herself. She has 21 years and has taught me how to have fun in sobriety. I love my life today 
If I didn’t have a sponsor and go to meetings everyday I honestly believe I’d be dead and NEVER would have 331 days clean and sober. I know that I could not do this by myself and if I would have done everything that I wanted to do I’d be dead right now … but that’s my experience
i sponsor and have done for a few years and i to had a sponsor to guide me through the program which he had done dont think i would be here today if i hadnt had somebody to show me the way , dont know how long your friends been sober and most sponsors will talk to their sponsores rather than tell them to go to a meeting ,youl prob find most people with long soberiety have used a sponsor ,but not everyone is the same wish you well
As you probably know, everything is a suggestion. BUT in my opinion and experience being a part of a 12 step program and not availing yourself of the doing 12 steps with a sponsor when that valuable tool is available to you seems unwise (among other things).
The sponsorship thing is one of the things that I find most confusing about the program. What the hell a sponsor is supposed to do? Unlike most of our other experiences in the program, it is not shared in the IME sort of vein. IME – people often talk about it from a rule based authoritarian place much of the time.
IME - on a macro level, some said a sponsor’s purpose solely to guide you through the steps like a mentor/teacher. Others said that a sponsor was someone that you had to form a genuine partnership with and check in with them each day and call them with every problem. For me, the latter seemed way too much reliance on another single human, but it seemed as if it had to be something more than the first. Some require you to go through the Big Book with them, others just say go to big book meetings.
As someone who was worried about not getting it or doing it right, these logical inconsistencies really got to me on a visceral level at times. BUT someone at my HG said – it will happen when it happens. Just make sure you don’t drink and that your ass in the chair. So I didn’t drink, reached out to others in the programs, went to at least a meeting a day and kept doing that until the sponsor thing happened.
What I learned in my journey is that the sponsorship thing can be whatever you NEED it to be— note I said NEED not WANT. If we are left to what we want to do, we would be at a couple meetings a year and wondering why our sponsor didn’t tweet us back yet.
For some, I get how they need the daily accountability and check-ins to keep them moving forward, esp if making a meeting a day is out of the question. For others, I understand why they need the close relationship. For others, like me, an all encompassing sponsor may have had the effect of limiting what I needed, which was to stop walling myself off from other people and to become part of a group. If I wanted to live life and deal with this disease, I could no longer live life “alone.” Not having a sponsor – forced me to use the other tools provided to me, meetings, speaking with other alcoholics about my problems, fellowship, and making a meeting every day no matter what. When I finally found my current sponsor, he didn’t say that in order for him to sponsor me I needed to do XY and Z. We talked, he joked that I wasn’t still road kill and we got to work. (i don’t think he realized what he got himself into…LOL). But that is what I needed.
All I can say is to try and find someone who has what you want and then talk to them about it all. They may not be a good fit for you but can point you in the correct direction. Just try to keep you mind open to what you can try to do.
Hi there! I am currently 5 months sober and am starting my AA journey. Tonight will be my third meeting, I go once a week. The thing with a sponsor is they may help you look at the program differently and be able to speak to you in a way the book can’t. Plus, I find the way we interpret things isn’t where the ah-ha moment comes in, when I get really useful info it comes from others speaking vs the book at this point. What I think at first on the material is rarely what others speak of. It gives different perspectives. I feel like a sponsor is one on one time to really work through the steps with someone who has had long-term success in sobriety. That being said, I’m not honestly looking for a sponsor right now personally so it’s not for everyone. I’m actually working several recovery platforms until I figure out which path works best for me! The beautiful thing is we all get to do this our own way and if it doesn’t work for you, change it up! 
Good luck!
I didn’t have a sponsor for nearly a year then started going nuts. I asked for help of a guy who has helped me go through the book and get a better understanding of it. I had read it a few times myself and gone to big book meetings and 12 step meetings and just wasn’t happening for me. I find it good having someone to ring when my heads crazy and can feel myself heading towards a drink again or even if just someone to bounce stuff off before going and tackling something i haven’t done before.