I have some time under my belt. I got sober outside of the program. I thought it would be good to try 12-steps again.
But today the whole meeting was about allowing people to “find their own strength.” I heard variations on that when close to relapse and hearing it said tonight like it was some ideal turned my stomach.
It feels like so much of the program feels like it is about finding reasons why some people deserve relapse.
I truly believe we can help each other stay clean and sober, but so much discussion is about finding reasons not to help each other.
That’s a bad idea in my opinion recovery is forever and we’ll ALWAYS need a support system…
If anything it may be time to shake things up and go to different meetings that you normally wouldn’t go to or something else along those lines
My opinion, it sounds like it may have been said incorrectly but I think the point they were trying to make is. “ a person needs the gift of desperation to enact real change.” A person who is not desperate enough will not surrender the fact that they are powerless over alcohol and that first drink, and they will always convince themselves that just having one is ok. Thus continuing the cycle of drinking and relapse. Someone who is desperate enough, has been for lack of a better term “ beaten into submission” and is open to any and all suggestions to get and maintain sobriety. I could be wrong in my assumption of what they were trying to say though. But based off of what you wrote, that’s how I took it. hope it helps my friend.
Each of us do need to find our own strength to find recovery. That is the truth. However I need the strength of fellow recovering people to help me build strong walls on the foundation I lay.
I tried smart recovery but it had the same issues as 12-step. People want to convince themselves that they are safe from relapse by putting down other perceived as less secure.
Well that is shitty, I’m sorry that is the experience you have had. All I can recommend is what was said above, maybe try some new meetings, or switch it up completely and try a new program of recovery. Whatever works for you!
I have been to a lot of different meetings over the years. The formats may be different, and I am sure there are some kind and generous people in them. But overall, the profile is the same. These are the same excuses I have heard since the first meetings I attended over 20 years ago.
heard that. yea I’d imagine that might happen in just about every program of recovery just cause people are people. I think it’s cool that you checked out smart. there are others though too, and if not in person in your area online for sure. also having been on the forum a while I know there’s a lot of people who are working their own recovery programs which they’ve crafted up themselves with great results. I hope you keep giving new things a try.
I realized a while back that I could not do it just depending on a higher power. I needed human beings in my corner, so I have a number of non-addict friends who were willing to help.
I thought addicts and alcoholics would be just-as-strong support. But clearly there are too many issues tied up for them to do much.
yea, it can be tough at times with a lot of the personalities and I try and remember we’re all sick, and maybe unable to offer everyone the help they want/need. I know I couldn’t do it without human beings in my corner either, and think there are definitely ways to have that human connection/support without being involved in a traditional program of recovery. again, I think a whole lot of people on this forum have successfully managed to do so and I hope you’re able to find/create something similar that works for you.
The literature asks that we help each other. People even refer to calling other members when wanting to drink or use.
But meetings are all about why we cannot do what the literature says. Maybe it is not an excuse, but it is hypocrisy. And I see good people tolerating the hypocrisy–which is what is really painful.
I agree. I just wish I knew other people in recovery in real life. I have a feeling that having friends in recovery who I could talk openly to–without all the limitations and restrictions the program puts on us–would be really good to have.
Must be going to some not so great meetings, all the different ones I have gone to are all about why we can and should do what the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says and how to do it and apply it to our everyday lives.
hope it helps my friend. 
