yea I wouldn’t have the get up to start one personally, just wanted to offer a suggestion. here’s something that’s been shared on the forum before which could be helpful.
I’m not sure how many of the communities on this list meet in person. just thought I’d share it though still
Prepandemic I went to a lot of different local meetings. Did not see much difference in this regard.
And now, I there are fewer meetings…and I am not really looking forward to the idea of sitting in a small room with a bunch of strangers.
But that “applying it to our lives” has always been about how not to help people in the way the literature talks about. (I have over 20 years of the program, so I have seen most kinds of meetings that there are. This is something most have in common.)
also, recovery dharma’s not on that list and I know (at least around me) they have more in person meets than smart does. could be another option
I will look into lifering.
The internet forums…and I know I am on them, are too impersonal to get deep in my opinion.
An AA group I attended promoted Recovery Dharma which met in the same clubhouse–this was a few years back. It was less hypocritical and very good for internal exploration. But even less of a place to meet people than AA.
But it died out here. I think I just want to meet people I can trust.
well at least in the mean time while you try and find in person connections you could stick around a bit here. it’s better than not sticking around here hah. I’m not too close with anyone on here, but I’ve been on long enough to know that some people have made some seriously solid sober relationships and to me it’s clearly possible. I know that you’re saying you feel it’s too impersonal, but, you’ve given aa 20 years of effort, maybe give the forum a few months of regularly checking in and just see what happens? nothing to lose. and the whole time you could still be looking for something in person. I know you mentioned your schedule is hectic and this place is literally always open
I think the forums are great to ask questions. (Back when I started there were not internt forums and the program was VERY shrouded in mystery.)
But this is a bit impersonal. I gave someone my phone number and they put me on a list to text memes. I realized that the nature of this forum is distance–which is fine. But I am not expecting any personal relationships. Without the visual cues, etc. it is not really possible to go further than these postings.
You have a lot more sobriety and time in AA so correct me if I am wrong but step 12 of the program is “ try to carry the message to other alcoholics”. So if your not seeing that being shared in the meetings you attend then that’s a shame. But that’s one of the biggest points of the program, to share what you have been given freely and help another who is suffering.
I’ve been to meetings where everyone seems to be supportive except for someone new to that meeting no matter how long in recovery. Like trying to break into a good ole boys club. Never went back there. If they treat a visiting old timer that way god forbid finding out how a new comer is treated. Thing is, we are all people and even in recovery we have flaws. It can be difficult meeting shopping and uncomfortable but I always found one where it clicked for me.
Good evening, I’ve been sober 9 months and when I journey started I thought about going to meetings but after 1 or 2 I found it just wasn’t working for me. I started a online program called beyond sober and it honestly helped me 10 fold. To this day I still rewatch his speeches when times get tough.
Wish you well if meetings and the program arnt for you then maybe its best to leave , its worked for me over 35 years had opinions and if i didnt like a meeting i went to another . your choice but i wish you well
I have done the “try another meeting” many times over the years. I finally had to leave, find helpful support before I got clean.
I though coming back it might help maintain sobriety. But I guess I have more insight about why it was not able to help me stop in the first place.
I am not sure entirely what you mean. I know people try to find reasons why a relapse may happen or did happen, to prevent it happening, to that person or even to themselves. Certainly in big groups people may get unnoticed or group dynamics may come into play. There will always be popular people, even on this forum, there are people who get particular attention, that is natural. Maybe focus on what you personally get from the program and bring to the program? Any person’s shares are worthy and may contain a nugget that helps another person, even if you don’t know it. And does sharing help you at all? Do you feel release?
I was getting something from many shares, but this whole meeting was about how to feel good about not helping others. I have heard people wishing others strength or hoping they will find strength when asked for help. That is an individual cop out.
But to hear a whole meeting about it. And everyone congratulating themselves about it.was just sickening. I had heard it all before, but only one other time did I hear it all in one meeting. It really was awful.
I have never heard people in a meeting congratulating themselves about not helping others, that would be difficult to stomach. It goes directly against step 12. I wonder how they rationalised it.
This time it was about “helping them find their own stregnth.”
Earlier in this thread someone said some people should be let go untill they get “the gift of desperation.”
Elsewhere I heard you cannot help someone who wants to drink or use.
I also heard that you cannot let yourself be triggered and need to walk away from people struggling.
I am sure there are others, but I am trying to wipe them out of my consciousness.
I am surprised this is not something you have not seen. Or maybe like me, you just got used to it until something snaps
In a “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” way, I suppose in a way this is true. I don’t think that means you just forget about the horse. You keep gently reminding the horse where the river is.
I can imagine after a long time in the program some jadedness creeps in for some people, especially with chronic relapsers. I am not saying that is a good thing, of course. But if you leave the program, you will also be unable to help them, right?
Actually you need to reread what he said. He never said let them go until they have desperation. What he said was until they have it they will continue to find those excuses to drink. I doubt you will find anyone here with committed recovery that is willing to let someone suffering go their own way until they hit rock bottom. That’s not what our message is here. Personally I will give everything I have to help someone asking for help to get out of the pits of hell.
Thank you for clearing up the point I was making. You said it perfectly, I appreciate you 