I do think there is compassion fatigue. But I do not know anyone in the program well enough to say.
I am not in the inner circle, so I have not been much help to people in the program, but most of my service to addicts has been through work or social contacts. People know I am a recovering addict so they ask for help
I am sorry, I did not think this was your thought so I misworded.
But I have heard similar things said as a reason to move on. My second sponsor said that I should never talk to him if I am craving because the desperation would help me find god.
In actuality, it helped me find dealers.
I do not think anyone needs to help someone be “desperate.”
I disagree. If someone is on the brink of using and asks for help, you should take them at their word that they want to not drink or use.
Talking to them may not help, but it might.
Hanging up almost insures that they will use.
I know most of the times I relapsed, I was feeling very alone. I cannot say that talking to someone would have helped every time. But it would’ve at least helped at least. some of the time
I think you can help in small ways. Certainly in my (online) home group I am a recent member, and everyone else is male, so I feel a little on the outskirts. But I try to send messages if I know someone is struggling. It is not much, but I hope it shows that someone cares.
I do hear what ur saying but I will say at the same time that it didn’t work for me. I got 3 years of clean time bcuz of the 12 steps. As soon as I thought that I may not need it anymore, I did crash. It wasn’t instant (not like I relapsed as soon as I left but I did and others I know had the same experience). The 12 steps not only talk about recovering from a hopeless state of mind and body but they also talk about giving it away (as in helping others). This is what the 12 steos are about. In my opinion there is something huge in recovery about helping others and how it impacts my recovery. I can’t continue to be selfish by holding on to what was so freely given to me. I was selfish in the problem and then for me to continue that by not sharing my experience, strength, and hope helping, was actually very detrimental to my recovery. The rooms allow me to be of service to others. By teaching and sharing with others, I remind myself also of what I have learned 
they do say 90 mtgs n 90 days so if ur within those 3 months j would highly recommend not leaving. If ur past that and feel stronger in ur recovery, maybe attending every 2nd day or whatnot. But I wouldn’t leave completely in my opinion if the rooms do help u there are always other ways to help others that don’t involve the rooms tho. I think being of service in any way related to recovery can be useful tho.
We are asked not to use the chat function during meetings. But you are right that I should have done it anyway
And to add, from what I have seen, people who are struggling have had calls, invitations to attend the in-person meeting together, coffee dates, etc from other members.
I did not finally get clean till I left the program. I thought with six year under my belt it would be different. But it is just upsetting. I can be kind to people but the culture of the program asks us to be more harsh. I cannot fight it anymorr
In the meetings I have attended either chat is always on, or there is a time at the end when you can message each other, send phone numbers, etc. My home group has a LINE (like Whatsapp) group so I message via that.
I have not seen that in 20 years. But how does anyone even know who is struggling and who is not? Body language says something, I guess. But i do not know.
Maybe if we could be more open that would be a good thing
Where did I state anything about not talking to them or hanging up on them? I stated I will do anything to help someone.
Don’t they say in their shares?
I think he means he got hung up on once.
Edit - by someone in the group he attended
In my experience that is not what a sponsor is there for. They are there to help take you through the steps AND to help be a line of defense from the first drink. My sponsor told me when I first started with him, if you ever find yourself walking into a liquor store, or entering a bar to call him and he will answer. He’s my safety net when all else I have learned fails. I’m really sorry you haven’t had a great AA experience, that really sucks, I feel for you. I hope sobriety is still treating you well and you find some other ways to maintain contented sobriety, that’s all that matters. If you have over 20 years, it sounds like you have been doing the next right thing for a very long time. Excellent job on your part! Keep on killing it! 
I did not say you said that you said it. But when people talk about “the gift of desperation” or someone “not being desperate enough” that is usually the context. As I said, I had a sponsor who was big on desperation, so I have heard it a lot.
I do not have twenty years. I have six years. I started in 12-step recovery 20 years ago, but periodically relapsed until I left in 2015.
My current sponsor says that I can call at times like you describe, but the half a dozen before him said the opposite.
I realized that I did need to call people at times like that, so I left the program. I got honest with my friends about where I was and I could call them anytime.
Coming back and talking to my last sponsor from before I left would have been okay with me calling, but I did not know at the time. So when I came back, I asked if he would be my sponsor again.
No. Meetings are to share experience strength and hope.
I see online people talk about people sharing that they are struggling, but even in online meetings, I cannot remember ever seeing that.
You did not say that. You quoted the “gift of desperation” people, and yes–they do hang up if they think you are craving.
This has not happened to you ever?
Sounds like right now you have a solid sponsor. And six years is no small task either. That’s fantastic. You got a good head on your shoulders that got you this far. Keep up the good work my friend!
I am probably too much of a rule follower. I guess I could chat, but since they say not to, I do not…
We do not have anything like you describe, but back when we were f2f, it was always so stilted and awkward. We have to be so conscious of what we cannot say to other people in the program, that it never feels like communication.
I know people say they become friends with people in the program, but I do not know how with so many obstacles.