The OP was very clear what he wanted with this thread, both in the title and with the first post. IMO this is a typcial case of taking what yours and leaving the rest.
7 Likes
They often donāt go so well 
I think itās phrases like this
@StephenUys I am also an atheist but calling out people who pray as childish or likening them to having an imaginary friend is nonsense and just plain rude.
Please be respectful of friends on this forum of all faiths and none. If you want to focus on building community with non 12 steppers, there are plenty of us here. It is possible to do that without talking down about other programs and beliefs.
Also, as @Mno says, the thread is clearly about the OP wanting to connect with people who donāt do 12 step recovery. Letās be respectful of that, there are plenty of threads where people in AA can connect too.
7 Likes
Maybe you should focus on your own recovery and not worry about what other people do to
Stay sober everyone is different what works for me may not work for you 
2 Likes
Thatās interesting, I never thought of that as an AA thing. I think counting days, breaking time up to manageable chunks and celebrating milestones is just a habit tracking thing. Or maybe even just a human thing (I.e. calendars!).
I agree though that in some ways the time is arbitrary and itās what you do with it that matters. There is something about a year that seems to be ingrained into people as a point of celebration, reflection etc. Whether itās new year, Christmas, birthdays or other anniversaries. Thatās what your friend picked as a challenge too. Maybe itās something innate about doing a full circuit around the sun that clicks with us.
What does a healthy life look like for you? I know you mentioned finding the socialising side of things a bit of an adjustment. When you say you want to go outā¦ Go out and do what? I think I said already sobriety for me has been a bit of a discovery of new ways of spending time. More low key most of the time but usually more fulfilling too!
8 Likes
This is very interesting. One of the things Iāve always found powerful about time is that itās an equalizer. Whether youāre wealthy or living paycheque to paycheque, you have 24 hours in a day, and you have a limit to the number of years here. We all live life until we die, and no one gets to buy their way out of death.
Personally when I think of the sober time counter, what makes it significant is that it represents what Iāve chosen to do with my days on this earth. You could do the same thing with a āgym days counterā or a ātending my farmā counter: all activities which have meaning and produce results, one day at a time.
One day at a time. 
7 Likes
I got sober after having my daughter. Tried AA for a few months, went to meetings every couple days, and just found that I wanted to, and did, drink more on the days that I went to the meetings than when I didnāt. Finally sought one on one therapy and havenāt looked back. I ended up tying my drinking to my worth as a father and that has been the only motivator I have found that has kept me sober.
2 Likes
Yes time is something that no one can technically buy. Although whether that makes it an equalizer Iām not entirely sure. But thatās a whole different conversation!
It is interesting how much of AA makes its way into wider recovery stuff - e.g. one day at a time. Although I prefer to think of it that a lot of principles that at are important to recovery, or maybe even just life, made their way into AA. Presence, acceptance, gratitude, equanimityā¦ Thankfully these are universal values that we can all tap into with a little practice 
3 Likes
Iām not an AA goer, mainly cause it wasnāt for me.
A lot of rehabs detox centers and sober living communities, push AA
Donāt get me wrong AA has helped millions of people, and has been beneficial for millions, but I wasnāt one of them.
Sobriety is personal, what works for me might not work for you, or for others, my theory is what works for you. Stick with that,
8 Likes
I donāt work AA but Iām not opposed to it either. All the times i tried to quit with a closed mind I failed. Iām open to doing whatever the fuck i have to in order to stay sober. The day may come when I do hit up the rooms. Do whatever works for you today, understand it may not work tomorrow, be willing to adapt and grow. Best wishes to you
14 Likes
I am an Atheist and cannot do the traditional 12 step AA meetings either. But I did find an AA group called Beyond Belief that does not focus on the religious aspect. They follow the book: beyond belief: agnostic musings for 12 step life.
9 Likes
Yes the Beyond Belief programs sounds like a great fusion of step work and atheism. There is a good program called SMART Recovery that is also big on the rational work, and is available at free meetings; there are in person meetings and online:
Welcome Melinda! 
5 Likes
I never said it is twelve step based at all. I was merely referring to the counting of time and celebrating of milestones, something which grew out of, and is very important to 12 steppers. I personally donāt care, but find the financial calculator and the time counter kinda fun. I Gueesed a date as I never made note of when I actually last used a mind or mood altering substance that was not given to me by a doctor. I know f or a fact that I havenāt as much as smoked a cigarette since the day I was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery months ago, so I looked up my admission date and put that in. Prior to that I hadnāt been using regularly for a while but I couldnāt tell you the actual date, just the season.
Stephen.
That is why I started to consciously practice abstinence. After being an addict on and off forever, I had slowed down to the point of somewhat regularly, but rarely daily, or even weekly using. I read a handout from SMART recovery, it was like 20 pages long and it said: we suggest a period of sustained abstinence in order that one may honestly question the benefits. I have not used, let alone smoked a cigarette, since reading that. It was a few weeks before Christmas.
Stephen.
Healthy is low key, or seems to be. It is the winter, so I donāt like being out on cold nights anyway. I, however, have enjoyed live music, turned up to 11, thousands of evenings. Most of my friends who play in more established bands are sober, but I like finding new bands in clubs. If I was in LA, Iād know tons of people to go out with, but I am in Boston and awaiting crossing that bridge. I have not been a drinker in many years, but I do associate bands and dinner with drinks, but have decided to give abstinence a shot and wonder who Iāll explore these things with. I am also finding delight in work. I always loved it, but now look forward to it. It is weird. Everything is a bit cock eyed and Iām not sure what to do with my time, or how to do it.
2 Likes
Why did almost everyone reply with some sort of story involving them and the 12 steps. I specifically asked to speak to people who couldnāt care less about them, who have zero interest in them?
That is a great way of describing early sobriety 
I stopped drinking in May and was lucky that the weather was decent, UK decent anyway! I did a lot of Sunday morning walks which made early Saturday nights feel less weird. Plus things like yoga, meditation etc that generally help keep some balance. I tried a couple of gigs on my own and sober. Glad I did them but it wasnāt the same going on my own. Overall I switched my focus to being a day time person and exploring museums, driving to restaurants, all the shit I never bothered to do while my whole āsocialā life centered around getting shitfaced. It was a real readjustment.
I havenāt made many sober friends. Had some mental health stuff though and obviously the pandemicā¦! I tried Recovery Dharma as I like Buddhist philosophy but my local group wasnāt too active. Nice connections but I already had that here on the forum. Still in touch with (mainly drinking) school friends from my home town which is nice and made a couple of friends from jobs and hobbies. Moving soon so will see what that brings up!
Was nice to get back to some music/ club/ venue vibes last year. Now Iām comfortable in my sobriety itās OK for me to be in those situations as long as itās good music and good company.
2 Likes
Have moved them to the derailment thread. Some people may continue to discuss it there. Of course they might not! But if they do, hopefully it goes without saying that you donāt have to participate in the conversation if you donāt want to Learning to let things go has definitely been helpful for my sanity here 
Itās a nice thing about the forum that there is such a mix of people, recovering from all addictions and using a whole range of methods. Most threads here you will see that diversity and itās usually a brilliant thing IMO.
People can get defensive if they feel their way is under attack, understandably I think. Overall though everyone is here because they want to get help and give it back when they can. Lots of support, advice and community here for anyone who wants it.
3 Likes
Im glad that you have been doing good since you have been out of the hospital, what ever works to keep us sober is a good thing, if we count the days or not. I dont really fixate on keeping track or count my days, its just making it through today, like Einstein proved everything is relavent so the rate at which time passes depends on your frame of reference. time is an illusion in reality its ultimately timeless
1 Like
I donāt go to meetings. Iām not saying itās off the table as I like to think I have always got tools to reach for should I need them or my mind changes in the future.
However, my reason is quite personal to me as an individual. I have noticed I can be empathic but to a point it might not be good for me. My mind can get stuck on topics whether itās my own thoughts or someone elseās or their sobriety stories. This isnāt always positive when in a vulnerable stage of sobriety in the event I struggle to get off a topic or worse it affects my journey.
For that reason solely, I tiptoe through sobriety. This forum helps hugely as I can peek at threads and stop reading if I feel it negatively affecting my thought train. I couldnāt do that in a meeting Iād have to stay and listen. I feel like the stronger part of me is holding hands with the more vulnerable sideā¦ guiding me carefully through whats safe and whatās not for me personally.
We are all unique. Meetings will be a life line for some. Respecting everyoneās individual path is whatās key.
Well done on your journey so far
6 Likes