After years clean, it started with a small desire to use.
Then it got greater.
It keeps getting bigger.
Nothing seems to get rid of it.
I think if I knew where to get my DOC, I would. I worry that eventually, I will use.
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You will find a lot of support here. Hang in there and keep telling yourself how not worth it it is to go back to not you again. Call a help line if needed. They can get you in touch with more help. Please don’t give up. Praying for you.
What is support supposed to do?
People tell you to pray. People say you can hang on. But honestly, that does not help much.
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I do not mean to be difficult, but for 20 years I have been hearing about “support.” I really do not get how it is supposed to help.
It is nice to hear encouraging words from people who do not know me, but that does not lessen the urge to use.
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Have you been able to think more about root cause on why you want to use or had any luck reaching out like we talked in the last thread?
It’s not all encouraging words. Stick with the ones who tell you the truth.
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I think you are the one who suggested reaching out to support groups for sex addicts, but as I said they only offer support for sex addicts.They do not have open meetings like 12 NA or AA. As someone who does not enjoy sex without narcotics, my problem is really the opposite of them.
And even so, I am not really clear how encouragement from strangers would help anyway.
I am not sure what you mean by a root cause. Like most addicts, I began self-medicating for depression. I felt hopeless and trapped. But I do not feel that way twenty some years later.
I ended therapy a few months ago (with my shrink’s blessing).
He told the truth. Are you saying I need to stay in therapy for the rest of my life?
I guess I am trying to understand what good “reaching out” is. Does it help anyone? How?
Ultimately, we all are alone in this, aren’t we?
I’m the guy yes.
If you can tell which drug you use, maybe someone on the forum will have experience fighting it and share some knowledge on it?
I do not know anyone well who is also an addict, so maybe knowing someone like that would be good. But I do not need to hear horror stories. To be honest, they seem to make drug use more attractive anyway.
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I was a crack user. Never liked alcohol, pot or any of that stuff.
I have been clean for five years. And for a decade before that I was an infrequent user (one to four times a year).
Twenty years ago, I was a regular user. Been celibate for over 15 years.
Did something happen recently in your life that is causing these strong urges??
If I can be really stupid, someone gave me a way to contact them directly.
I do not know what that means. Does that mean call them when I am desperate? Or what? Or is that the time to not call?
I have had sponsors, but I was never allowed to talk about this stuff and mostly did check ins with them.
I am on a medication that increased my libido. Sexual feelings are a trigger (which is why I stayed celibate).
Also, last week an acquaintance who knew I was in recovery called to tell me they were thinking of using. They wanted my help in stopping but I was thinking, could I get high with him or at least get his dealers number.
I did not let him know those thoughts, but knowing that he is an addict had made me think alot of using.
It also makes me wonder if talking to an addict is a good idea. I used to have similar thoughts in 12-step meetings too.
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The word therapy was not anywhere in my post, so no.
That is my experience of someone who tells the truth.
I have friends who tell the truth, I guess. But I do think they only really understand addiction intellectually. It is hard for people to grasp.
Not everyone in recovery do I think has all the answers all the time. I talk to guys pretty often, nothing crazy just time killer calls or texts.
It just keeps me grounded. Like you said your friends don’t really understand and neither does your therapist.
We do.
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Does that really help?
I went to meetings for many many many years, but being around the people there just made me get more specific in my fantasies of using.
It feels like being around addicts would bring me closer to using—even if they are in recovery
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And at a time like this, I do not feel like I could be honest without endangering their recovery