Looking back I think I went on the opposite journey than you. I was so enthusiastic about 12-step recovery when I started. I thought everyone would have so much to say that I could learn from.
In the end, I understood that just being addicts is not enough in common to actually get each other.It just got too lonely there to stay.
Oh… well I 100% get the chem sex thing so besides “just being addicts” we have that in common.
Have you considered finding a therapist who specializes in addiction who is also recovering drug addict?
At that point you would be able to express your thoughts and feelings to someone who understands without any of the AA restraints you are concerned about.
My therapist was indeed an addiction specialist who is in recovery.
A few months ago, we agreed that it was time for me to end therapy. We now meet once every six weeks.
I have made good use of therapy, but do not want to be dependent on my therapist to deal with life.
I would recommend seeing a good clinical psychologist for anyone serious about recovery.
From the string I have read you still have strong urges to use crack or strong urges to have pleasurable sex which would require crack? I am not sure which is correct.
So since you and the therapist have agreed to slow down on the amount of meetings is that because you feel he cannot help with the strong urges you are having or because what you have requested his help for has been corrected?
When we ended therapy I had no strong urges. Had not had any for many years.
We did have one session since and we both felt sharing what is happening is the best thing. We both felt that I did not need therapy at this point anymore.
He also thinks it would be a good idea for me to have sex. And I do agree that if I could it might help break the association of sex with drugs. But having sex is hard for me to imagine, after all this time.
They say it is like riding a bicycle, but I never was good at bike-riding either.
Chemsex = using chemicals to facilitate and enhance sex.
I am trying to ask you what your cravings are for basically… Crack for the high? Crack to have a sexual experience? Or is it actually not about the crack and more about wanting some intimacy?
You also mention feelings of anger, depression and other emotions you felt unable to discuss in meetings. What emotions are you experiencing now, or what comes up when you are experiencing cravings? You are absolutely OK to talk about that here, if you choose to 
I can understand the idea of people wanting to put a positive spin on recovery to be encouraging to people earlier along on their path, but feelings are part of life. It is perfectly possible, IMO, to be able to appreciate and promote the benefits of being sober but still go through periods of difficulty. Emotions happen, it’s how we respond to them that matters!
Since you ask, I think it is the intimacy.
I do not know if the cravings bring up any particular emotions. I think maybe there is a forboding because I am scared I might use.
And yes, I do agree that feelings of all sorts are a part of life. It was why I cannot be part of 12-step recovery or any program that demands a “good face”.