This morning is rough. Slept well and feel rested. No cotton mouth. Then I got ready for the day and washed my face and brushed my teeth—barely any blood. Face is not blotchy bright red. Woke up rested even though I took a prescribed vistarol (not a benzo, an anti-histamine) while I was laying in bed last night. And that’s okay with me. I’m using as prescribed and not using it to check out. I’m present.
It’s rough because I’m over being sober. I feel like I proved I can go without it; I’m on day 4–day 5 if they would count my first sober day but they don’t which I hate because I suffered through that sobriety all fucking day before I found this app.
I guess I need to take it 5 minutes at a time today. I’m feeling like I miss alcohol but I’m trying to remind myself and celebrate how I have more energy, more focus because I’m not thinking or planning my next drink. And I’m not taking in those empty calories and I’m looking better. My hands still tremble but I’m hoping for that to be done within 2 weeks like research says. It’s barely noticeable but I am aware of it. I can get my contacts in without shaking.
My stomach feels and looks huge. Am I not doing enough with my diet? I hate the way my body looks right now: big soft no waist creased back when I turn. I took before photos of body front and side and measure my weight. I MUST be changing already. One day at a time. It doesn’t change just because you made the decision to change. You have to put in the time and discipline.
Doing the linens and towels now so I could get through that 5 minutes and stay on track.
I’ll stay busy and keep reminding myself it’s one moment at a time and life is getting better without alcohol.
Soon enough I’ll have accomplished my first sober weekend. Everyday I feel like I hit a milestone when I confront a trigger in my alcoholic routine of the past.
It’s either you put the work in, as you say in your message, day by day, 5 minutes by 5 minutes some days, doing the right thing, learning what that is, then learning to do it, and thereby learning about who you are and who you want to be. And all the lessons hard and lovely on the way that you learn.
Or it’s: I’m over this and already that and this is different for me and expectations resentments ego and eventually you don’t learn but stay stuck in the same place.
Slow and steady is the way. Find the importance, small or big, of today and celebrate your milestones when they come. As they alone also don’t meant much or “prove” anything. Recovery is very much a The-Journey-Is-The-Point-Here-Type-Deal.
I think what ur doing with distraction and taking it 5 min at a time is great! That little voice that’s saying those things to u about alcohol is our addictive thinking which tries to lie to us all the time that we need alcohol, that we are good now, that we can’t cope without etc. It’s a lie and it’s important that we challenge that thinking. When I first got clean, I gave that voice a name and I would literally tell that voice to “shut up” when it would come up lol. I don’t hear it nearly as often anymore. It does get easier but it is truly important to remember why u quit during these times. Drinking again WILL get worse. Alcoholism and addiction NEVER gets better. So going back to drinking will end u up in the same place (if not worse) than when u started at day 1. Keep going! Keep doing what u have to do to stay sober. This too shall pass
Good for you Keira! Life is always one day, one moment at a time, whether you’re in recovery or not. We’re all learning.
Proved to who? Like, who’s testing you here and why does it matter?
Often in recovery that voice whispers to us: it’s ok, it’s time, you’re done, come back. You’ve earned it. Be careful with that addict voice it’s a liar.
Good for you on the laundry / linens. I always find house cleaning helpful. For me I like doing dusting and dishes - getting things spotless feels good, even if it is just for a day or two
Keep it up one moment at a time. Do you have some groups you can attend? Some places you can check in? It helps to stay connected - it helps build that community that defuses that internal addict voice; it helps you grow a new life and a new way of thinking
I agree with everything you are saying. The sentence just came from sitting still and being tempted. (Why not give up? This is hard. You’ll never make it all the way anyways.) Negative voices, negative self talk. Even the idea of “all the way” isn’t helpful at ALL.
It’s the insanity of our disease man we think we got this after 4 days or 4 years wanting to go do the same things expecting different results. Sometimes it is a second by second basis. You should definitely try a meeting or at least on zoom they are around the clock nonstop. Google 24/7 zoom A.A. meetings or N.A. You’re kicking as man you just stay the course all those thoughts are normal it gets easier I promise you. Just put one foot in front of the other it’ll be the best decision of you’re life all these thoughts and emotions are raw we don’t understand it at first but you just keep those big girl panties on and hold on k. We are here for you sis love you I’ve got 66 days today it’s possible we believe in you
You’re doing it. 5 minutes at a time is forward motion. In the past when I have gone back to comforts of alcohol it is always with deep regret. It will get better. I used Vistaril as well. It works. When I was finally able to fall asleep I knew it was getting better. Drink lots of water. If you can see an MD about the the other symptoms, do. It’s better to be safe. Hang in there. It’s gonna get better. We are glad you are here.
My brilliant counselor in inpatient taught me this and it’s helped tremendously on many levels: that inner addict voice is the toddler you trying desperately to get back into the driver seat. Toddlers don’t much like getting strapped into their car seat and they can and will pitch a fit. Gently, BUT firmly remove them from the driver seat and buckle them back into their child restraint. This was important for me because if I’m harsh to that voice guess what …I’m being harsh to myself and thats very much something I don’t want to do because learning to love and be kind to myself is a large part of my recovery. And my toddler self isn’t being bad she’s just being a toddler! But toddlers cannot and should not drive. So, don’t even think about loosening those buckles!
May you find peace and joy in your journey. So glad you are here.
Oh man, I remember that feeling! And the way you’ve worded it is a perfect example of how this sneaky thinking is so twisted. What we proved to ourselves at about day 4 is that we are tough enough to make it through early withdrawal. And somehow, I would equate that to not being alcoholic because "I didn’t need to drink every day ". Except I did, once I started.
Here’s even more suggestions for how to make your sobriety grow. Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.
Thanks everybody. I got over that hurdle and calmed down and quieted that Addict Voice—I like that. And now my house is cleaner lol. Thanks for the info and for being my cheerleaders—that’s exactly what I needed. Thank you so much!
Sweeet you made it to the other side of “that”. It gets soooo much better too as time goes in. Whatever thoughts you had about “why” you wanted to stay sober are thriving and not dead. For me I know I had to keep nurturing it, staying inspired of the good things I wanted to be a part of and experience and be and those positive thoughts carried me through some really tough times then getting in the work, a home group and around people doing the work kept me going and keeps me going. Here’s to all the misery that creates a strong desire to have a new experience. Glad your ok.
Just wanted to update you since you have such an inspiring sober life. I made it past that early hump white knuckling it and reached out here that I needed something more. I found an active recovery program and community that had daily Zoom Meetings and statements that I can totally get behind and embrace and work my recovery. It’s WFS (Women For Sobriety). I feel like I am participating in my New Life of recovery instead of just Not Drinking, which totally isn’t enough and isn’t sustainable (for me, at least). Practicing gratitude and mindfulness, too. Thanks for diving in on my earliest days with advice and wisdom.
Oh wow that’s so cool, thnaks for the update! I’m really glad for you you found a resource that gives you what you need and lets you practice on a daily basis. Now keep on going and don’t stop. Come here if you need anything or want to chat. This community is here for you.
I believe @SassyRocks participated in WFS. So crucial to find a sobriety support community. I do TLC and AA, and of course here. Congrats on 20 days of freedom!
Yes I do! Ugh. But at least I’m not making everything worse by procrastinating in a bottle and all that comes with drinking to excess every. Time. I’m taking responsibility, sitting in the feels (as long as is safe—I’m biting off as much as I can chew—not trying to solve my life in one sober day).
Re-found this from a couple of years ago when I was first treating my Mental Health diagnosis. A good reminder, and I’m adding it to my Trigger/Cravings Toolbox. Hope you can use it, too.
I’ve been here before but this time it’s for the long haul—not a cleanse or a break. I’m active in my recovery—meetings, forums, exercise, diet, meditation, self-care, examination of self, and activating belief statements. I have a support system online and one person in real life (my best friend) since Day 1 who supports me and cheerleads me. I also have my therapist, PCP, and my psychiatrist.
I’m not sure if this is PAWS or the end of my Sobriety Honeymoon? I’m not tempted to drink, although I haven’t been tested with my biggest triggers at full force: Family. Work. NYC. The last two days, I’m impatient, cranky, quick to get annoyed/agitated. I’m using my tools: breathing, unclenching, focusing on the absolute present, talking to myself about perspective. I’m not finding much joy or enthusiasm. I’m feeling lethargic. So I ate a lot and napped and binged movies. I’m not hiding out, I just took a day to take a break. A sober break, of course.
I’m not intimidated by Forever, I’m taking it ODAAT. I’m not bored, I’m keeping busy. I’m just blah. I think I might be lonely. I’m doing a lot of activities by myself and self improvement. I’m also participating in Groups. I think I want to go out and have fun. Sober fun of course. Maybe this Saturday will remedy that as I’m going to hike the Gorge at Watkins Glenn, NY with my best friend.
Like, who’s testing you here and why does it matter?
!!! THIS IS FABULOUS! Thanks for this update. I love seeing this!
