I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Christine - what a devastating loss. I can’t imagine the agony of your pain and grief, and your crushing heartbreak.
I’m glad you’re back. No matter what happens, good or bad, drinking or using will always make it worse. Doing the work to get grounded and get going in recovery - that is sure to help.
Personally I have found podcasts and groups very helpful in addition to Talking Sober. This thread has a list of good ones:
Welcome back!