Hello there. I’m new here. Day one (again). I am a bit over 40, married, two kids and have been using weed and/or alcohol for the past years on and off to unwind and numb physical discomfort. I suffered a pelvic injury almost 8 years ago. Standing is uncomfortable, walking hurts after some time. I shy away from surgery, because numerous doctors don’t know if they can fix me, chances are that surgery would make me worse. This struggle turned me into a depressed and bitter person inside. But I’ve always tried to stay the funny and loving mom and wife my family deserves. It’s hard. If not almost impossible.
I think, it was 5 or 6 years ago, when a friend of my hubby came around with weed and tequila to party with us. Man, I had such a blast. I felt carefree, I laughed, I felt comfortable in my body for the first time in years. After that, I wanted to party as often as possible. And slowly progressed to nightly use. Also binge drinking (and karaoke singing) at home with hubby almost every weekend. Always functioning. Always a happy drunk. So happy and fun that our 11 year old daughter recently on a late saturday evening walked into our living room and said: “I can’t wait to be old enough to drink, this must be SO much fun!” It broke my heart. I’m definitely not the rolemodel I wanted to be. So here I am. Trying to learn how to be happy and fun while sober. Despite all my shitty physical symptoms on top of the normal daily struggles we all have. Sigh. This won’t be easy. But I have to do it for my kids!