I’ve been sober 16 days after a 5 year everyday binge drinking fest. I only used to live for the next drink. Lost interest in many of the things I used to love during that time Reading, Talking with Friends, Coding, Video Games etc… I am trying to get back in to them but it’s so hard to concentrate. It’s like there are two voices in my head, the stronger one is saying taking a drink will make everything easy, the weaker one is saying “you will never get better if you go back”. I’ve isolated a lot of friends who tried to help to the point they don’t even contact me anymore and I am afraid & ashamed to contact them to let them know about my recovery. How the fuck do you deal with it alone?
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Why do you have to do it alone?
Not to be discouraging - I truly am saying this to help, not to create an obstacle: you can’t do it alone. No one can.
That’s not a bad thing. Everyone who interacts with you already knows you have a problem. Sometimes we think we’ve been hiding it, but anyone who is invested with you (either in a professional or personal way) knows there is a problem. They may not know the details, but they know.
Where there’s a problem, there’s a solution. Getting out of addiction means connecting with people who can listen and guide you on your path. Addiction is a choice that creates habits, and living healthy and grounded (meaning: sober) is also a choice that involves choosing behaviours, habits.
To learn about new choices, healthy choices, we reach out for help (like you did here). That’s a step 
Have a read around here on Talking Sober. TS has so many helpful threads - for example these are some ones I use:
Checking in daily to maintain focus #41
(Checking in is very helpful for keeping connected. In addiction, we isolated - we all isolated ourselves - and to get sober means reaching out of that hole to connect and communicate with other people. Staying connected is important for being healthy and grounded.)
Take care and don’t give up. Take action, keep an open mind, communicate and listen, and take it one day at a time, and you will find your path.
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Welcome to the community get to a meeting, either face to face or online.
24hr AA zoom meeting
Code: 292 371 2604
Just sit and listen until your comfortable, audio and camera can be off. Give it a try it really helps and is always on 24 hrs 7 days a week
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This is so very accurate. Thank you for putting it to words.
Choice-> places recovery in our hands.
Habits-> Those habits are hard to suss out and can be hard to break. But it is do-able.
@Reinhart34 Let us know how you are. Also, what platform do you game on, if it’s ok to ask. I’m PS4, switch, my phone… lol
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Welcome!
I can’t and I don’t. I built a network of people by coming here daily and attending in person AA meetings. This support network is vital to my sobriety.
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Yup I felt the same- for me I was like Fuk this sitting around waiting-I needed some inspiration. I went Kayaking, Found the people at meetings that were laughing (about healthy things or themselves) I began to put my dreams on paper
- Kayaking/Hiking/Go Karting/Swimming/admiring nature/Loving on animals at the rescue by walking feeding washing and playing w them.
- Hug more often
- Get A sponsor
- And in other terms was all this-Work the fucking steps Scot and stop playing around with all the black and white this or that thinking and just “do”.
For me my dude, I got better, safer, healthier, loving, kinder, started a family, career on and on- it all started with saying”I fucking hate this back and forth-fuk it let’s do it right.” Also as you know already, all the time spent drinking etc raises the neurological “bar of pleasure” to ridiculously above “level” making shit either not enjoyable (until it is) frustrating AF, to the point of giving up (until it isnt) etc etc. I wish you all that you need to have both comforting and uncomfortable so long as it pushes into solution and fuck all the face plants for me anyway- because solutions work, the other shit to me and what I experienced, was just mental gymnastics. All love and safety to you my dude.
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Welcome! Glad you’re here. It’s a new life now for you, it just is.
New people, places and things, embrace the new feelings and emotions and hobbies.
It certainly is NOT easy, otherwise everybody would do it. You have to do the work, tough love, there’s no easy way or other way around it, you have to walk through the fire.
Hope you stick around, you can do this!
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Some really great support on this thread. I understand those 2 voices you described. I’ve been a daily drinker for about 10 yrs besides a few single clean days early this yr. I’m working on day 2 right now and the support here is awesome. Stay strong and know you are not alone. Not sure where I read this but can’t forget it:
addiction = giving up everything for 1 thing
sobriety = giving up 1 thing for everything
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I didn’t realize I wanted to vent this for so long but did not know how or where. I am doing okay and taking one day at a time. There are multiple times a day, when my mind says to go out, have a beer especially on weekends and then the next hour or two there is a constant struggle in brain should I or should I not, I try to distract myself with games or reading unsuccessfully. I recently started to do pushups and situps whenever the thoughts come up till I get tired. It’s working for now and i haven’t given up.
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Thank you for checking in and I am doing okay. I play on PC.
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That happens to me too. It happens to all of us and it happens even after months or years of sobriety. It’s part of life - sometimes the mind wants to run away, avoid fears or struggles. In addiction, we run to the numbness of our addiction: we bury ourselves. When we learn to be healthy and grounded (sober), we learn how to ride the wave of these feelings, and let them flow past us.
For me I come on here and write it out, write what I’m thinking; it doesn’t have to be super clear I just have to get it out. I find putting it in words helps me get it out of my head, and once it’s out of my head I realize it’s not a part of me, so I don’t have to do it. It passes
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Whenever I am in the middle of something where I used to drink, that little addiction voice comes up and says “Cider!” or “Macallan!” and I had to practice a lot with telling it to stfu, I knew it was a habit and, playing it forward, NOTHING good will come from me drinking. There is nothing. But, I had to have literal focused conversations with myself to recognize habit and actively tell it no.
I love push-ups, pull ups, and sit ups. One of my kids is military < 3 and my goal is to beat his scores. I think anything you can do, @Matt says “eat a cake for dinner! anything so that you don’t drink” to wait out the habit is awesome!
Keep posting and coming here. This week is apparently tough for me and I’ve already been on at least 3x today! lol.
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keep connecting to like minded people if your up for suggestions. so glad your here my friend.
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I’m on all the time too. (I’ve probably been here 3 times at least so far today; I will probably be on a few more times by this evening)
I come because I like coming here and I feel understood and seen and recognized. I feel like I’m walking on a path together with everyone who’s here and that the walk is what matters, and that feels natural and encouraging, and it feels like I’m on a team that looks out for each other. (As opposed to work, which matters of course but which is often a complex situation of working through a mix of contradictory expectations. Work life can be a mess. 
)
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