Hi i was on a 12 hr shift yesterday so that took up most of my day off today but ive got plans for a meal with my sister and a film after ,im feeling more positive still only getting about 5 hrs of sleep at night broken but i can deal with that what im worried about is when i start to feel better and that wee thought creeps back in again ,i just hope im strong ,but i actually think my thinking has changed this time ,i know im a alcoholic now ,im not kidding myself i can control it ,of course i dont want to be one but ive accepted i am ,i look back and see over my life i think i have abit of a addictive personality when i start on something (normally bad for me )it takes over my life ,i need to learn to recognise when that is happening and nip it in the bud before it starts ,never seems to happen with the gym that was a chore but anything that buzzed that brain and im off lol ,anyway how was your day ,hows things over in Canada
Hi Maggie, you’re on to something here! Us alkies (saying this endearingly, I know you’ve only just started to accept, forgive my bluntness haha) went for the short term buzz and artificially induced happiness, while things that support, nourish, strengthen and relax us properly could not compete and so fell away. You’ll find that in recovery you can attune yourself again to the natural feelings of joy and gladness and happiness that your body and mind produce, without altering them artificially, short-circuiting the system. Invest in yourself, time, energy and resources, and sooner than you think you might find that the right things start to have a strong pull for you as well. Be that exercise, healthy eating, reading, healthy friendships…
I wish it may be so for you, certainly has for me!
Where in Scotland you based, dear? I have family connections there and I adore Scotland, been many many times. 
Lots of love and have a nice day with your film and meal date! 
Nice insight ,its true tho the morevi look at myself the more i see ive never been really content with myself ,abusing substances has always been a kind of relief for me ,i find it hard to find contentment always bored never at ease ,but im learning alot about myself well im trying its early days ,but i think im learning i need to go to the root of the problem and deal with that ,im from Hamilton its a town id say 8 mile from Glasgow, its ok bit dreary at the moment, hopefully have a nice summer get my dogs out keep myself busy get motivated put my plans in action
Well Maggie that sounds like you’re on the right path now. I would recommend starting a diary for these musings. It’ll help to make connection with yourself, make memories, hold on to such important insights as will come up a lot for you now, it’s a time of truth we all enter when we become sober.
Aye Glasgow, that’s nice so you have the chance to pop up for a bit of culture and such! Love Glasgow. I’m an avid Highland walker, sadly covid has put us on a long break with that but hopefully getting back to it this year! Boots are itching. Got two doggies myself and they are the best best. Have you joined us on the pets thread yet? Post photos of your pets #4
You’re not alone! 
I have i did have a note pad went back to it now and again to update most of it was oh poor me did it again lol your rights i feel ive had since july my first aa meeting which did help ,just im a slow learner or maybe stubborn i think its that stubborn i like to do things my way ,thats why its took me so long to get a handle on it ,i think i had to go through my epic failures to get where i am now im ready to face who ive became now and accept it and make the changes, i love walking to we normally go to the big country parks round here most days during the summer its great.
Oh gosh, mine too! Haha! I’m glad I stuck with it though or rather picked it up proberly, now instead of poor mes I have a real chronicle of my life in a way.
Think of your stubbornness as resistance: part of you is resistant to loose alc cos it fulfilled a function for you. Badly and at a high cost, but it did. You didn’t drink for the taste right? Me neither. We “needed” it for something. If you observe yourself and find out what you needed/used it for, you can start providing for these needs yourself. Thereby creating a life in which alcohol has no place, is not needed anymore.
Loved Victoria Park when my bf lived in Gla.
That’s an experience everyone here on Talking Sober understands: when that “addict voice” creeps in and starts whispering “it’s ok, it’s fine, just do it”. It’s a sneaky sneaky voice.
What I do is come on here and share about it on the Checking In thread. Getting it out and sharing about my day, my ups and downs, helps get me out of my own head, and helps keep me safe:
Checking in daily to maintain focus #39
It was a good day! I guess all days are good days because I’m alive and I’m learning - but yesterday was a day where I moved forward on a big project, and that feels good. I am looking at buying a business in my city, and there’s a lot of things to take care of to do that (especially loans and negotiations about price and payment), and yesterday I moved forward on a big step: the current owner is interested in the payment schedule that I proposed, which means the deal is more likely to go forward successfully.
When I write it out here it all seems rather dull 
I got excited about it though! 
It felt like a big achievement.
God youve probably walked in my path ,Victoria park was one of my old haunts from say 17 yrs ago i lived up there for 5 yrs had a shar pei meisha at the time use to go there all the time ,small world eh ,im loving it on here ,something has changed compared to july when i went on read did a bit of moaning about my life but i never really communicated took part in the forum ,what you say is true i didn’t drink for the taste it was for effect i did most of it on my own ,all i needed was my medicine, now i dont want it ,i know its going to be ups and downs just because if feeling positive today doesnt mean im not going to have a dip tommorow but ive got you guys on here and that feels good ,aa is good but on here people really open up ,i will go back to aa but for now i will use this as its defo really helping me
Not dull it means as you say your moving on with your life a life that alcohol wont be messing up ,today i had a job offer to,but i think im going to stay were i am at the moment, but even last week i probably wouldn’t have taken the call just blanked it ,you all are probably sick of hearing me say this but i actually feel happy ,i think im happy to have accepted im a alcoholic, no more kidding myself on, i know it will be hard but in this moment in time im just glad its not on the menu ive took it off and to me that feels great
We will never, ever be sick of hearing people say that. When people say that, it means they are choosing healthy self-awareness. It means they are choosing to live a life where they are healthy and present. (It is very similar to a person with Type 1 [juvenile] diabetes saying, “I am an insulin-dependent diabetic. I need insulin to live.” If the diabetic person lives their healthy life, which includes insulin, they will be healthy and present. When a person battling alcoholism says “I need to cut alcohol out of my life, to live” it means exactly the same thing: being healthy and present.)
Good for you! Now you get to explore your sober life with eyes open. Who are you? What are your interests? Hiking? Cooking? Building? Music?
There’s so much to explore
I’ve been sober for nearly eight months now. I came into AA completely willing to do whatever someone suggested so I could stop drinking. One of the things that helped me was joining the app Everything AA. I listened to the ‘Joe and Charlie’ tapes on the Big Book. They explained the disease and what happened to my body and mind when I took the first drink. I give myself understanding now and I do not take the first drink.
AA didn’t work for me either the first time. My alcoholic mind made excuses and told me that the meetings made me want to drink because all they did was talk about alcohol. Yeah, that’s the point. So seven years (!) later, I tried it again. With complete willingness, it is working this time. I didn’t listen to my mind’s excuses. I did what I was told to do by my sponsor and, with my Higher Power’s help, it is working this time.
I believe in you.
Welcome Sherri! 
Sounds pretty much like me back in july , i was just glad to be around people who sort of understood me first week or two i was glad to be there they unterstood then i started wanting a drink everytime i left id race to the shops all this talk about drinking lol then i started not wanting to open up as i knew i was lying to these people ,i started feeling ashamed of myself, then i even started feeling pissed of that they were all so happy (terrible)in the end i started missing nights then leaving after the table because i was to ashamed to talk anymore because i knew i was lying to them and me ,ive not been since November but im going to go back once i get abit of time sober on my own ,they have really helped me though it gave me a greater understanding of what im going through, i just didnt want to accept it ,wee things make sense now as in the lady i was first put in touch with she was always going on about acceptance and surrendering, i guess i just wasn’t ready, but feel i am now
LOL. I hated it when people talked about how happy they were too. Now, I am that happy. I’ve made a promise to myself that I won’t ever say that in a meeting in deference to all the newcomers. 
If you are ready now, perhaps finding a sponsor is the first thing you might consider. I consider a sponsor to be kind of ‘a tour guide in a foreign country.’ I couldn’t get it without the help of my sponsor. I feel very fortunate.
Good luck! You can do this.
Please don’t stop trying! I do BRC alumni groups and the occasional AA or even NA meetings (I’m a drinker).
My sister passed away 1/27/22 from an alcohol withdrawal seizure. Alcohol is the only substance you can die from when you quit cold turkey. Maybe consider going to ER if you have withdrawals. I’ve been doing that for about 8 years. Finally on 1/13/22 I went to ER and eventually from there to the psych unit. I have not drank since then.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’m glad you reached out here.
Welcome to TS, Sherri!
Hi
I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a rough time. I understand. Currently my boyfriend or ex? I’m not even sure can’t stand me because of all of my broken promises. I was put in psych this past weekend and now I’m trying so hard to get better not just for myself but for my daughter. Just trying to pick up the broken pieces. Starting aa on Tuesday. I hope the best for you.
I’m thrilled to be here and sober!
Thanks, Matt! I’m really happy to be here and sober!
I’m glad you are here. Your story is very similar to many here. Hopefully you will find some who can help you. We can listen, when nothing else seems to help.
AA works for me, but everyone has to find what works best for you. Have you tried getting a sponsor? For me, I went to AA for a while before I actually decided to work the program. But since going through the steps, my life is completely different. I still have some really hard days, but I don’t make them worse by drinking.
Welcome to the group!