Ok, take a breath. You are here among people who can share your feelings and experiences. I also did terribly out of character things drunk. The thing to focus on is sobriety and recovery. The past is unchangable, what you do right now to build your future is important.
There is some great advice here
What’s YOUR plan?
And information here
Resources for our recovery
The good news is you can be a totally different person, one that follows your values, from right now. You just need to put the work in and we are here to support you. And you do deserve it.
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