I understand your feelings, but you are not a terrible person! It’s the alcohol, not you. But it’s deffinitely time to let the alcohol go and be the real Nicole again. So I’m glad you find us 
Welcome here Nicole. More then 7 years I found this place too and I’m still here because this place changed my life. I’m sober since. What has helped me was being here a lot to read and listen. Trying all the tips I’ve got from others. Some worked, some not, but they left me with my own sober “toolbox”, a plan. Here is mine: 2 years sober and what helped me to get there: I descibed what has helped me when I reached my 2 years. Make your own plan and add everything in it what works for you ore what you want to try (like AA for example). Make yourself a back up for when cravings occur. Be prepared, that’s my main advice 
Sorry for the ramble, stick around! You are at a good place! 