i feel like since i decided to go sober i think about drinking more than when i would just drink. thinking about it and denying myself is what’s hard. i just tell myself “no i don’t drink anymore” and today i found myself compromising like okay what about no more hard liquor and only wine. then i remind myself no , we’ve tried that before and it’s just a slippery slope back to hard liquor. it’s also hard when so many things have been associated with drinking. when i do to the movies i drink before going. today i’m going to the movies and i feel like im steady thinking about it. it’s also hard when things you watch on tv they’re drinking and it makes you want to drink too. then i feel sad like why can’t i be normal. like normal people who can just have a few drinks and be okay
Snap.
The same happened to me at my 1st AA meeting. All I could think of was drinking, and that’s exactly what I did. Directly after the meeting I headed for the off-licence and bought a bottle of vodka. I hated myself for it the next day because I was coming up for a 7 day sober streak. If anything, this has taught me that I have no control over my drinking and I’m powerless in the face of liquor.
I’m the same with the movie thing too but mine are ‘films noir’ which I watch at home. I enjoyed nothing more than getting drunk and watching those old black & white movies as I happily got more and more oiled. Now I’m sober and I still want to watch film noir movies but I haven’t the courage to do it just yet for fear of the obvious and for fear of slipping back into old habits. But this too shall pass.
You’re stronger than me. My sobriety journey is still early days but I’m determined to beat this “thing”.
Be well & stay safe
You are normal …your a normal alcoholic ,but you can be an alcoholic that doesn’t drink .the people you see on adverts are not alcoholic s they do not feel or think the way we do about alcohol .please don’t romanticise it .think about your last drunk and why you don’t want to drink the poison anymore (alcohol is toxic poison ) we’re not supposed to shove shit loads of it into ourselves “normal people” don’t do that and don’t want to do that . @Borderline_Billy If it’s worrying you atm going to movie s or watching them don’t do it yet…. do something new …ANYTHING….your in early sobriety treat yourself with love and kindness we’re all here for you on ts 
entry # 2
more discipline is required when there’s alcohol in the house because the person you live with is normal when it comes to drinking and doesn’t have to cut it out. and it’s embarrassing when you get the vibe like they have to walk on egg shells or change how they indulge because they know you can’t handle liquor. outta sight and outta mind makes things easier, but no one said this will be easy. so i just remind myself “i don’t drink anymore. i don’t want to drink anymore”
Your journal entries have been put into one thread in order to keep the forum tidy. Please continue to post your journal entries here @theone. And welcome to Talking Sober forum!!! 
@19801 Thank you for this. Today though is particularly bad with cravings but I’ve resisted until now. I know I need to stay sober if I’m to live. Cheers #odaat # IWNDWYT
I struggled with this in early sobriety and then realized that TV shows romanticize drinking: it is NOT normal to pour yourself multiple double whiskies/cognacs in the middle of the day like you see ‘powerful’ people do and it’s NOT normal to drink a bottle of wine every night to deal with your emotions of the day. It may work for TV characters but they are not real and don’t feel the backlash that follows on multiple fronts.
I always have to remind myself of this when I see movies or shows romanticizing alcohol, drugs and cigarettes.
I’m like ‘that’ssss not what it looks like in real life.’
Wow @Borderline_Billy you brought a memory back to me sooooo vivid just now. I had tried aa maybe five years ago. Just a couple to see if i had a problem. I cried thru the entire meeting and my addiction convinced oh im not as bad as “those” people and then proceeded to get shitfaced after. Addiction is insane. I hadnt lost enough to get humble enough and raise my hands up and seek a better way. It took a few more years and several more lows
@Cjp I hear you. I was deluded thinking that I could manage alcohol. I told myself that I wasn’t an alcoholic “they were”. If anything I was a party animal I told myself.
I’m a binge drinker unfortunately, with no let up until I fall over drunk. It happened to me in a restaurant just a few weeks ago. When my hubby told me what I’d done I was mortified because though I don’t remember much from a certain point in the evening I do remember falling down drunk and the restaurant owner rushing to my aid.
How embarrassing is that?
And it’s a local restaurant in our village to boot that I’m too embarrassed to go back to now.
The sh#t I got up to when I was drinking still gives me the shudders years, and years, and years later.
Eeek 
entry # 3
today is friday , im blessed to see it. it’s also the day i would drink the most. knowing i don’t have work tomorrow. a cheap vacation from the weeks work. so today is the day i will fight harder than i did during the week. i keep telling myself “i don’t drink anymore” and im going to change my vernacular to “i don’t want to drink anymore” because that’s really what is it. i don’t want to drink anymore so i don’t turn into that person im ashamed of, or feels those feelings at a more erratic and intense level. i don’t want to drink anymore because it interferes with who i want to be and the goals i want to achieve. we only get a little bit of time and i don’t want to drink anymore and waste my precious time. time that i forget about because i got too drunk. time i can recall because the memory is fuzzy. i don’t drink anymore because i don’t want to drink anymore. if i make it through today then tomorrow will be my 7 days sober. WHEN i make it through today, i will feel achieved and proud of me.
Welcome to the forum @theone
I moved your journal entry here so they’re all in one thread in order to keep the forum tidy. Please continue to post your journal entries here.
entry # 3
proud of myself for making it through both friday and saturday! it’s funny how i thought those days were going to be hard , until sunday hit where now it’s “football sunday” when literally the thing to do is drink and watch football. such a wonderful pass time i used to enjoy. today i have to remain even stronger. i just don’t know how it’ll be when everyone around me is drinking or if they ask why im not drinking. more than anything i hope im still able to find some enjoyment with the game soberly. i feel like im punishing myself. which is probably deserved. but it’s times like this where i wish i could just be like everyone else, being able to drink in moderation. this is going to be a long football season. i’m thinking about drinking some energy drinks. just to have more energy and possible enjoy the time a bit more. and not be a buzz kill to everyone around me. figuring out different ways to enjoy this sober living.
How’s your day going I’ve only just read your thread 
holding on strong ! someone just ordered shots for the table and i willingly decline after mild pressure lol. proud
Well done mate that’s what we call on here using our sober muscles 
I’m proud of you too 
If it gets too much today put a plan in place so you can get out. Have a great sober day my friend and if it gets too much put up new post and someone will talk to you on here . As for me it’s almost midnight here so I’m gonna close my sober one day at a time eyes ps I hope your team win 
entry # 4
today has been an adrenaline filled, emotionally stressed day. from work, relationships, to internal anguish. i feel like my mind is running in a thousand directions and my emotions are in a frenzy. i do not feel at ease. these are the days i would drink. just to take my mind away from it all. get that warm tingling sensation. that cheap vacation where everything seems better. i guess these feelings, thoughts and emotions are what i’ve been running away from and looking to the bottle for comfort. i do miss the bottle and the feeling it brings. but i know it’s not in my best interest. what’s in my best interest is to face these feelings head on. stay strong and try to realign myself. even if it takes time. even if i have to cry for reason not so clear just to let something out. i wish i could go to the highest mountain and just scream. i just wish i felt at ease. but i know i have to be strong. this is just the beginning and with time i’ll find ways to handles these days better. moving forward only, only looking back to reflect but never going backwards.
You won’t feel at ease yet it’s early sobriety ,just have a good rest , put your head on the pillow sober ,don’t pick up and you’ve already made it a better day than if you were drunk .tomorrow you will be one more day sober you’ve got this .and it does get easier I promise 
entry # 5
wow ! it’s been two weeks. very proud of my myself. i must admit , this weekend was easier than last weekend. im glad to see it’s true when people say its gets easier with time. i’m excited to see what life can be without alcohol. something i never thought completely possible or wanted before. i still wish i could have the will power to drink in moderation or on occasions i could at least drink responsibly. but rn that’s not even an option. i’m actually on the other side, i’m very cautious and timid to even drink because i know the power it has over me. i like and enjoy having my power and control. im focusing on my goals and how i want to live my life , and i think im doing pretty well. i finally feel an ounce of motivation and drive coming back. i want that feeling to grow with time and im afraid if i drink it’ll push me back and take that spark away. just one day at a time because i just can’t fathom a life with absolutely never ever drinking again like not even at a celebration or function ? it’s weird to think about but maybe ? idk so just one day at a time. and as of rn i don’t want to drink.