Congratulations! 
3 Likes
Congratulations Julia
2 Likes
Good evening everyone. About to end day 8. Good start into the week. Sober. Itās absolutely beautiful feeling. I need to remind myself if this when I get sad not to be able to drink. Went to my noon meeting. I love it. The people are so kind. I shared and felt good. Looking forward to a sober nights Sleep. This is one of the best things of being sober. To have this amazing sleep. I did not have this for a long time
4 Likes
Good afternoon. Itās a very uneventful day. Working from home. In between trying to get rid of old stuff in the house. Packing things for moving to the new house soon. So glad I can make this sober. On day 9. Havenāt been on day 9 in a very long time. Need to do some sports and a meeting today. I donāt know if I can make both. Meeting definitely more important
6 Likes
I was so frustrated watching others pass me by while I still struggled. I learned a lot though; I mean A LOT.
Looking back on the past several years, I really donāt believe I had any chance of staying sober 4-5 years ago until God used TS and other resources to expose my shame, the high amount of value that I was placing on my DOC, and a whole bunch of other things. This has been a long process for me. Iām sure you understand.
But it leads me to ask what have you learned about yourself so far on this journey of sobriety that youāve been on? Whatās helped you over the years to get better results? I just wanted to know what your path has been like so far. Thanks
3 Likes
Hi Kevin 
good to see you!
I think it is a lot that has helped me to learn over the yearsā¦ It started with TS and thanks to a lot of people (including you) I managed to stay sober for almost 7 months. This is a while ago and when I did start again I felt Ashamed to come here or even write on my WhatsApp group which consists of all the people Iāve gotten to know on TS. I did then try AA and thatās where I think I just deceived Myself. AA is really really working but only if you do put in the work. I just didnāt want to admit I needed the help. But Iāve found this English speaking AA group in my city which is amazing. Iāve gotten to know real people. But it took me more than a year to actually accept this help now o can get from them. I just didnāt want help. I just wanted to continue to destroy myself. Right now Iām so so so early in sobriety but I know for what I am fighting and I know I donāt want to start again because what I have now is so much better than seeing my life passing by me passively. Thatās how I felt the past years.
How is it that you managed to stay sober? Are you having any other support than TS? You are doing so well Kevin. You can be proud!!!
2 Likes
Good morning lovely people. I had bad cravings last night. I felt sad of not being able to drink anymore like all the other people around me. It makes me so so sad. Why is it that Iām missing it? My head wants to tell me that good weather, sun, summer vibes, all this makes me want to habe a drink.
I could dinner, looked at my kids and then I knew why I want to stay soberā¦ I ate and it passed. I just donāt want to go through this anymoreā¦ Is this now every night that I feel like this?
On day 10 today. Did my online early morning meeting. Felt good to see some familiar faces. I just hope I get through this dayā¦
7 Likes
I think that it is normal to miss drinking in early sober days. It was probably a coping mechanism and used as a reward for a long time. It was both for me.
I am now a little over a year sober and I donāt miss drinking anymore. I see it now for what it is, addictive poison that will eventually ruin my life. It takes a while to realize that drinking isnāt a reward for addicts, itās a false prison. One leads to two, two leads to five and then you are back to over consuming with all the negatives that brings.
Remember your reasons for quitting and try to make it through one more day sober. 10 days is great! Keep going.
2 Likes
Much of sobriety is retraining our minds. Try countering this thought with gratitude that you are able to stay sober and clearly see that you have not been able to "drink like all (really, all of them?) the people around me ". You will need to grieve the loss of your friend alcohol - but if it is dead to you, you must keep moving forward in sobriety.
Blessings on your house 
.
4 Likes
7 months was amazing, Julia. Iām sorry to hear that youāre experiencing cravings. You know that I craved a lot so I know what itās like. Itās really bad for me.
Anyways, have you read Allen Carrās The Easy Way to Control Alcohol?
I liked it way better than Annie Graceās This Naked Mind. Similar messages, but definitely a game changer for me.
2 Likes
Day 11. Itās being hard. Went for a 10km run today in the morning. Feeling good. Now with a headache. Feeling bored and still a bit sad. Thank you all for your messages. This means a lot
4 Likes
Yes I have both books 
1 Like
I have a Friday Simple Steps meeting I go to. It used to be Reformers Unanimous, but they changed it. Also, Iām still on Blazing Grace forums along with NoFap.
But you asked me how I managed to stay sober. Serves me right to explain since I asked you the question first. Well, the fact that I was placing an exorbitant amount of value on my DOC was one thing. I really thought I was making a sacrifice by choosing to quit porn. And Allen Carrās Easy Way showed me in how my mind was being deluded. Our DOCās have no value. Theyāre completely worthless. Resetting the high amount of value I was giving it to itās true value, which is zero, made it a lot easier to choose sobriety.
Then there is also the journey towards identifying and dealing with my toxic shame. This shame that believes Iām a worthless piece of garbage. And itās very subconscious. I wasnāt aware of it until I took a good look at my validation seeking behaviors. Always trying to be nice, avoiding conflict, not being vocal about what I wanted or believed in. Toxic shame is a nasty, nasty root. My addiction is rooted in my shame; desperately looking for direct sexual validation. If I didnāt address and deal with my shame, it was going to continue to undermine and sabotage my recovery from sex and porn addiction.
Thereās one other important change I wanted to address, but thatās going to take awhile to explain. Iāve got to go to work. And Iāll return to post a separate thread.
2 Likes
12 days today. Iām in a depressed mood. I feel lonely these days. Did a meeting today to see if it helpsā¦ Well letās see. At least every day sober is a win
5 Likes
Being that using my DOC always made me more stressed, more anxious, more fearful, more frustrated, well, I had to accept the high probability that much of my negative emotions (fear, anxiety, frustration, anger, depression) were caused or augmented by my acting out. Thinking that using would ease the pain, I wasnāt aware that my behavior was just making things worse.
Anyways, I promised I would share more.
I realized that, after so many relapses, I needed to focus less on my behaviors, and more on what was going on in my brain. I admit that despite all that I know consciously, my subconscious, my addict, my flesh, doesnāt accept any of that. In that sense, I am just as broken as ever. And there is no convincing or overpowering of this subconscious part of myself. My flesh is going to do what the flesh decides to do.
I accept that I cannot trust in my flesh. Itās demonstrated over the decades that it cannot be trusted. My only hope has been to completely accept Godās way for my life. And in order to accept His plan, I have to let go of my plan.
I admit that I thought I could manage this, but I cannot. In obedience to God, I donāt give myself permission to think a first thought of fantasy, or to take a first look at a woman. By saying āNoā to the first look or the first thought, my brainās toxicity level stays low, around 3-4. Whereas before, it was aroundā¦ 6-8. Constantly showing no restraint allowing my mind and eyes to roam wherever they pleased, it was like I was giving the enemy a free touchdown before the game even started. Having such a high toxicity level meant that I was craving a lot, trying so hard to keep myself from crossing level 10.
So I donāt give myself permission to let my subconscious, fleshly addict out of the bag. If I donāt allow myself to think about acting out, Iām not going to do it. If I donāt give myself permission to take a glance at all the women around me, then the look wonāt turn into lust.
And if I donāt lust, I wonāt crave.
And if I donāt crave, I wonāt cave
Game over. I win.
Do I do this perfectly? No. But Iām winning significantly more battles than Iām losing with lust and fantasy. And thus, I will win this war. If I keep losing battle after battle after battle with custody of my eyes and mind, then I will lose this war.
I just found it easier (with the help of God) to clean up my inside (lust and fantasy) so that my outside would also be clean, rather than to clean up my outside (porn and MB) hoping that some of that cleanliness might rub off on the inside.
3 Likes
This makes perfect sense 
1 Like
I would be at 14! Days today. No, no, no I didnāt make it. I drank yesterday. I know exactly why I failed. I didnāt do a meeting yesterday and I didnāt reach out to any of the people I could have gotten help from. I didnāt want help. I wanted to be alone because I wanted to drinkā¦
Day 0 for me
7 Likes
Well, Iām glad you came right back. That youāre still sticking to your decision to stop. Learn from the relapse, make the required adjustments to help achieve a better result this time around.
1 Like
Hi Julia,
come back on the sober horseā¦
We can do this together! 
Greetings from Germany,
Julia 
2 Likes
Laying my head on my pillow now. SOBER. good night
4 Likes