Just Came From Hell

I am just now waking up to day 6, and I can’t believe how I feel compared to the previous 5 days.

Last Wednesday at this time, I was sitting in the same spot with empty beer cases and vodka bottles all around my house. I was staring at the clock waiting for it to be time for the stores to sell booze again. I drank all day and night again.

Thursday, same thing. Got my beer at 6am, started drinking (never really stopped). Around 11:30am my body wouldn’t let me any more. Every drink I took came right back out, and with force. No matter how small of a sip, or big of a chug, my body pushed back 10x harder. My “plan” was to stop Friday, but my body was letting me know it couldn’t make it one more day. This was two weeks straight of doing this.

Of course the rest of Thursday was that typical coming un-drunk shitty day, with throwing up all night. Friday was the first real hangover day. Swollen, sore, red eyes, greasy skin, and shuffling around the house, but mostly laying on the couch. I took a drink of water and started puking just as bad as if it were booze. It wouldn’t stop! about mid morning I tried another sip of water, but this time scared the shit out of me. I was on empty, so my body had nothing left but to push out but bile and blood. a lot of blood. I should’ve went to the hospital but I didn’t, I gave my body one more chance not to do that again. Luckily it didn’t, and it was all the same water and clear bile like before. That continued until about Saturday afternoon.

I didn’t sleep Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday night. I literally laid down and tossed and turned until the sun came up. I have never felt anything worse in my life than that third night of just wanting sleep so fucking bad, knowing I had to work. One hour would have been better than an orgasm. But, nope!

Yesterday morning about 5am I just shuffled in to my kitchen, shirtless with fucked up hair, just laughing as I went to get something to eat (first day I could eat too). Just a shitty, fuzzy/hazy brain. My body felt exactly the same as being drunk. Got through with my conference call, and knew I wasn’t going to do shit that first half of the day. I showered and got ready, just to move around in different positions on the couch.

around 11:30 something just clicked. all of a sudden I just felt like normal me again. Me when I’m completely sober and rested. The fogginess was gone, and my brain felt normal. It was the weirdest fucking feeling. I was just like “what the fuck are you doing dude?”. I still felt like an exhausted turd, but my brain was back. I went and got something to eat and told myself, “I’m gonna finish this sandwich, and fucking grind out the next 4 hours so I don’t lose my fucking job”. And I did exactly that! two hours in to it all the foggy and shitty came back, because I was on 4 days of no sleep, but had this weird little bit of hope pushing me. I had a feeling I would be able to sleep tonight, and just needed to get done with what needed to be done. I set a plan to finish work, go to the store and buy water, go get some ice cream (just sounded good all day), and watch tv until 10pm.

I barely finished work around 5:30, and just hobbled in to my bedroom and laid down. for the first time my bed, my pillows, and the blankets all felt so fucking good. Like they loved me, and wanted to just comfort me like little fuckin lovey clouds. And it was that perfect time of afternoon for one of those amazing little hour naps like I used to take after school when I was a kid. Right when afternoon meets evening. so I set my alarm for 6:00, in case I did fall asleep, because that wasn’t my intention. Of course I fell asleep, and hit snooze like 3 times. But when I got up I had a feeling tonight was finally it. I got up and went to the store and then went and got an Oreo mixer from Culvers, watched tv, and was ready. I was a little scared though, because I didn’t have the same feeling I did in the afternoon. So I got in bed and turned on that tv and said “one more episode”, hoping one more episode of my show in bed, would put me to sleep, or I’ll turn it off and toss and turn all night again and see if I even survive another day. I made it maybe 5 minutes and I was out.

Slept maybe 5 or 6 hours, and woke up feeling like nothing happened. So here I am writing this, and gonna plan my day, and be happy as fuck I’m still alive. And know that I never make it long sober. I’m trying all the time, but this is the scariest, and worst one yet. I have absolutely no desire today, but I don’t know about tomorrow. But fuck am I thankful.

I’m really sorry about how long this is. doubt anyone will read it after seeing how big it is haha. I was gonna post something short, but then I couldn’t stop.

Stay sober everyone, and have a good day.


The secret to sobriety is fellowship and staying sober for today… wake up tomorrow and repeat… come here and join discussions, post your thoughts and feelings. Glad you’re here.


Thank you!

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Chronic relapser too, get sober just long enough to feel well enough to drink. Then have to keep the binge going to keep the illusion of “being ok” going, until body and mind say no more, and shut me down. Hopefully this is your time to get well. Day 11.


Well let’s make it today at least! Love your profile pic btw

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Loved your story!! You can do it!!

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My memories of that kind of s*** keep me sober. I never stayed up for days though, I would just drink until I passed out for however long, then start again. I am currently on day 172.


That does sound like hell!! Welcome back!! :raised_hands:

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Wow!! That story brings back nightmares. When it involves throwing up and blood, the hospital is coming soon. Keep fighting the good fight and dont give in. The results could get worse. My experience was organ shutdown and life support; after much puking and blood. The good side wants you!


Thanks for sharing. I just wanted to let you know that I read every word and you should be proud that you powered through that horrendous first few days. Keep at it :+1:t2:


Thanks for sharing Df138 :pray:t2: I dont miss it one bit :tired_face: Keep it up, one day at the time. Do you attend any AA meetings? I found that what I couldnt do alone we could do togather. A lifesaver, literrally :heart:

I thought that was it for sure. I even unlocked my door so they wouldn’t have trouble getting in to find me. Pretty sad.


I started to right before all of this. I didn’t think they were still going. I only went to 3.

I read your entire story and thanks for sharing. You can’t do this alone. Take advantage of all the online meetings for now. I use intherooms.com and it’s helping. It’s not the same as in person meetings but it’s a good substitute.


I also read every word. Thanks for sharing your story and remember we only have today. Don’t worry about tomorrow and yesterday is gone. I relate to your story as well. My hell was about 5 years ago when I woke up in a hospital with my kidneys shutting down. Scary to think that now that might be the best part about the hospital considering covid 19 could get you there while your body is weak. Keep going strong!

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Thank you! My kidneys were throbbing the first few days, and just straight up hurt. I drove to the store one day and it felt like someone was sitting behind me pushing their feet in the back of my seat.

Thank you!

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I really related with the entire first half of your post. For me it took countless times puking and shitting blood.

The description of withdrawls brought back some nightmares. You’re a really good writer!

I had to do that so many times but for so many days. White knuckling it at work. Hiding the shakes. Diharrea every few minutes. I’ve also done the mini celebration when something is able to be eaten.

God I should save this post as a reminder. I never want to do that again.

Thanks again for making this post. Wishing you a good day.


Thanks for the kind words! It was actually a really good day, and I’m hoping for the same tomorrow. Hope you and everyone here have one too.

Thank you for sharing your story. As many have said just reading it is enough to be thankful for our sobriety. I do believe you have to hit rock bottom before you can come up.

I really relate with what you say about work. Getting through a conference call. Not engaging properly. Scared of losing your job. My job this year has been getting increasingly stressful and pressured and I have definitely been using alcohol to cope with stress on a daily basis. I can’t do it anymore. I have a young family. A senior role at work. There has to be some give. I need to be the best version of me to make these things all work.

Please just remember where you’ve come from. How horrendous it is.

I went to bed at 21:00 last night after putting my daughter to bed at 19:00 and watching a couple episodes of something to wind down with a camomile tea - ROCK ON! :sweat_smile: I slept for nearly 9hrs. Proper quality sleep. I feel fantastic waking up. When I’m drinking I’m often awake by 2am and cannot switch off and awake for hours at a time in the middle Of the night. The misconception is that alcohol helps you sleep. It really, really doesn’t.

I look forward to see how you get on with your journey :upside_down_face:

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