Well my 60days has gone and passed and honestly thought id feel alot better than what i do. Im still in a toxic situation even though my ex isnt currently using at the moment. She still thinks ive done all these crazy things she accused while she was high and out of her mind. Just feeling down on myself… i know if i had better boundaries id be happier. Im maintaining my sobriety but im not happy long stort short. I know i just need to take control over every element of my life including my happiness. For 10 years my happiness has revolved around someone else’s happiness and ive forgotten how to put my self first. Ive also forgotten what about what actually makes me happy. Im in such a hole from my time in addiction that im basically working 2 jobs and 6-7 days a week so i barely have time to do anything in the first place. I have a game plan and here in the next 3-4 months after ive gotten out of this finacial hole and back on track im going to take a personal trip. Maybe ill include a friend but definitely something for me. Life feels so different now and empty… i know alot of these feelings can be just caulked up to a " bad day" and tomorrow will be a new day but ive felt like this for the past 2 weeks basically. Going through a break up and still living with your ex is extremely hard and i dont recommend trying it unless you both are the same page and can really do it. Im finding out that my ex just wont let certain things go no matter if we’re together or not. Seeing her wake up angry or just get angry out of the blue, attitudes are contagious. Im hoping for a better week and i know that starts with me and me being in complete control with how i react to certain people and situations. Sorry for the long rant, guess i just needed to get it out!
It helps, it all helps to keep us focused and growing. Thanks for sharing with us man.
I feel you Billy, it is definitely hard climbing out of that hole. We go in blind from our addiction, then when we get sober we open up our eyes and it is pretty rough the things we see.
Keep checking in, keep in touch with your sober recovery community. You’re gonna make it by staying connected and staying real.
Hey Billy - First of all congrats on surpassing 60 days! I totally understand wanting to feel better at this stage -I honestly thought that by now I’d be a whole lot better and i don’t know - majority of the ailments linked to my drinking would magically disappear. Hah- was i wrong. Its going to take time for the body to heal after all that it’s been put through. I’ve come to accept this and am just grateful for completing each day sober. Not stumbling to bed and not waking up with a hungover is a brilliant sensation.
I’m sorry that you are still dealing with your ex and that you are having to live with the toxic environment. Do try to get time for yourself away from her. Now that the weather is breaking - take a walk outdoors or go somewhere to relax. I myself have buried myself in work to keep myself busy but do find time to treat myself to an hour of outdoor walking or relaxing and reading when weather is bad for my motivation to keep on this path.
Its great that you are planning a trip - what a great way to celebrate your continued sobriety. Also something for you to look forward to 
Are you able to leave home before your ex wakes up - maybe a way to avoid starting the day with negativity? Is there any way to limit the time you are at home at the same time?
Always good to vent and get your thoughts on paper so to speak so that they don’t hold power over you. Sending you good positive vibes!
Do you have anyway to leave your ex completely? I would not let her get to you and she really deserves to be sent the same place as you sent alcohol/drugs.
Your definitely in a tough situation! But just think of how much better things are being sober and not being stuck in that head space of constantly looking over your shoulder or even having the paranoia that comes with using. I know this sounds so cliche but take it a day at a time and just know that you won’t be stuck in that situation forever. People who use tend to bring others down because they aren’t happy at where they’re at in life! Congrats on 60 days sober! You’ll get through this! Just stay strong and don’t move backwards or look back just continue to look forward. 
You did an amazing thing there - reaching the 60 day milestone is such a great achievement and you can really pat yourself on the back for this. Becoming sober or clean is not just about not using anymore, as you know. Its about taking back control over your life, the way it will turn out in the long run. For me the happiness came when I started to chose for myself more and more. I had to learn this and it felt scary and alien at first. Biggest change for me, was letting go of some people that didn’t serve my wellbeing and keeping close to the people that felt safe and nurturing. Living with your ex sounds like a stressful situation (been there, done that). If you cannot change the current situation short term, try to focus on what does give you energy and lean into those. Friends, family, nature, sports, music, art… whatever comes to mind. You got this 
Good morning Billy
Just checking in- hopefully you are starting off this beautiful Sunday pn a positive note
Thats why you dont feel as happy as you should, once this gets sorted out you can start healing properly
You should look into stoicism values an drop her fr. You’re handsome, I’m sure you could get anyone you want. A fresh start is always waiting for you to make the call
Im not sure what you’re referring too. Definitely will look into it. Thanks for the compliment… youre also beautiful ! I think youre 100% right though… its time for a new start
Thank you, it’s about being independent and headstrong from what I’ve seen. Ik it’s specific but it inspired me recently
I can imagine how tough it is. Just sending a message here so you know you’re not alone. 
I hope things go better for you!! I feel the same way with alcohol and weed. I have gone 9 months sober. Just started to do moderate drinking-one glass of wine per week. I have unfortunately picked up smoking weed. Now I have to get off that. I have never had anyone answer the question: How do you deal with the depression? I have PTSD. Yes I take antidepressants. How do you want to keep living??