I’ve got some days sober at this point. It still strikes me though, the moments of gratitude for something as simple as not drinking or using.
My brother’s wedding was this past weekend. It was to be an event. And me, the brother of the groom. Oh boy, here we go…
Not gonna lie, I was nervous from time to time. Would I be dressed appropriately? Would I say the right thing? Would I remember names? Would I miss something?
Because I’m sober, I took time before the trip to think through what I’d wear. When it came time to pack it only took me an hour. In the end I wasn’t the finest dressed (which for his crowd would’ve been a feat), but I fit right in and felt comfortable in my skin.
Because I’m sober, I was able to be usher to my older godmother who traveled otherwise solo. I saw my godparents this summer, and me looking after her was my godfather’s one condition for trusting she’d be ok traveling. Her wisdom and company on the trip was actual magic. I’m so grateful I got to spend that time with her. And boy was she popular with the new inlaws, lol.
Because I’m sober, I didn’t miss a thing. When the “after parties” kicked in, I’d politely say my good nights and satisfy myself going back to my room. To rest up and be ready for the next day. No hangovers. No haze. Just one day right into the next, relaxed and ready to go. (Can’t say the same was true for everyone else…!)
Because I’m sober, I got to move from one conversation to the next, catching up with old friends and family and getting to know new ones. Setting aside selfish thoughts and taking an interest in my fellows. Hear stories I may otherwise have missed. And I don’t think I even made too much an ass of myself even!
And because I’m sober, I got to really appreciate the whole experience. The gravity of the day.
My dear brother has lived a broad life touching many people. For a few days, I got to see this event where all the threads of his and his partner’s lives all came to be tied together in one celebration of them. It was a magical thing that touched me profoundly, seeing him finally find his home. The joy of it moved me to tears more than once.
All to say, I was able to be present. In so many little ways, just not drinking today, no matter what, in many little moments added up to what was a really beautiful weekend.
(Also, willingly sober dancing-like-an-idiot is way more fun than drunk dancing!)
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.