I can really hear your pain. It is awful to hear such things from a partner. Those are harsh words that will not help anyone get better. I can understand how you feel, I have felt similar, but your life is precious, and you deserve a sober, fulfilling life. For me, the only thing that made me feel better about myself was effort and time. Behaving as a sober and dignified person, and leaving that messy drunk in the past. This experience was a lesson, not a life sentence. Learn from it, and move on, far away from it.
There are resources here
Resources for our recovery
A schedule for recovery here
What’s YOUR plan?
Probably all of us here have been where you are now. Absolutely disgusted with yourself, desperate, hopeless. I say that not to minimise your suffering, but so you don’t feel alone. And many of us recovered, some are still working on it, but we are all not giving up. Don’t give up on yourself, even if other people do, if you let us, we won’t give up on you. 
9 Likes