Im not really sure why im writing this. Just an outlet i suppose.
So if you haven’t been following along…
Basically I am going through a nasty divorce. My almost ex husband was very abusive and this last time was the last time. I thought I wasnt walking away this time. I pressed charges, filed for divorce, filed for a restraining order. He is likely to face several felony charges. Assault family violence/impeding an airway , assault with a deadly weapon etc. He is dragging his feet and trying to make the divorce difficult. I’m pretty sure he thinks hes going to be able to manipulate or intimidate me into dropping charges and going back to him. He helped me right into my addictions and wouldn’t stop helping me when I was trying to get sober. I have been clean and sober more than 60 days now.
I had court Monday for my Restraining Order and of course he insisted it be mutual. I’m ok with it i just think it was ridiculous. He’s trying to drag it out fighting over things that we had already agreed on… Also Causing issues in my custody case. Etc. I have to go see him face to face for the first time Sunday and I will have amazing support there but im feeling really anxious and panicky about it. I have wonderful people in my life that have been here for and with me every step of the way. Including a few people i met here on TS. I’m exhausted and frustrated. But im also happily sober. So thanks to everyone that has followed along and been supportive through this rough and exhausting journey.
feel free to ask questions or message me if you want. I’m open to discussing pretty much whatever and any advice is welcomed
You’re a good person Kayla and you’re doing the right thing. You’re facing a storm of emotion and manipulation, trying to twist you out of shape.
This is a good time to use that sober skill of staying rooted when life goes nuts around you. Sometimes people call it a “mountain mindset” - the storms blow fierce around you, but you remain stable, solid, as a mountain. I like this meditation:
I don’t want to get too philosophical here but just to be really practical: life is by nature unpredictable. It’s how we stay self-aware and self-supportive through the unpredictability, that keeps us sober.
The experience will be emotionally intense. Approach it in the same way you’d approach an intense workout. (Emotional exercise and physical exercise are very similar in how they affect us.) Warm up, get yourself in a stable, committed, positive mindset. Run the race; do the workout. Afterward, schedule time for you to recharge. Take a walk, have a bath, visit someone you trust for some together time. Whatever works for you. Don’t expect yourself to be able to quickly “flip” into whatever’s next on your to-do list. You’re gonna feel wound up afterward; give yourself space and time to get grounded again.
You are capable of doing this. You are enough. You are a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
You’re so strong Kayla, even if it doesn’t feel that way. I’m deeply proud of you. I love what @Matt said.
He (your abuser) doesn’t know that your strength is that mountain that he’ll never crush.
And he effed with you for the last time.
We’ll be there with you in spirit, sweetie.
Stay strong Kayla! I love @Matt reply, what a lovely fella you are Matt. You most definitely are enough!! Your abuser thinks you are exactly as you’ve always been. You’re not! You are growing stronger everyday (he has no idea how strong you are getting now that you’re sober) and he has no idea just how pathetic he is making himself look. Thank you for being here with us and I wish you the very best.
@Matt thank you so much. I think that is alot of my problem. I never have time to catch my breath. I leave work go to court/IOP/CR whatever and go right back. I never have time to recharge. Then I’m restless and can’t sleep so I’m exhausted all the time. I’m gonna check out that meditation tho. Thank you so much.
@anon79808082 thanks donna! I need to be reminded sometimes I’m doing it every day but sometimes i feel like im just going through the motions. And you are right he doesn’t get to steal one more piece of me or my life.
@Blondie1x you are so right. I’m not that scared intimidated addict that I was. My people always tell me that he kept me in my addiction to keep me under his control. I’m not that anymore. I am strong and steady. And I’m winning at this life thing finally. I just have to keep remembering it.
So I’m gonna try to remember to post my updates here instead if starting a new thread everytime
So quick recap and summerization of everything I’ve posted elsewhere over the last year.
My divorce was finally final in December. I got full custody of my girls they got to come home in September… Ive been at the same job for over a year now. And I also started a second job, a night job, in January. Life is busy and hectic but overall great.
So I work 2 full time jobs and have 3 kids playing softball. It’s been chaotic and never a free moment to just breath. But I’m happy. I’m healthy. I’m able to be a mom without a man forbidding it. Or substances incapacitating me.
I’m 465 days free if all substance and physical abuse.
I’m ready to get my own place but being a single mom working 5 nights a week it just makes sense to stay put instead of finding overnight child care.
I’m still struggling… I still have nightmares and the emotions are starting to flow again. I didn’t realize I was dissociated. I wasn’t feeling the feelings of what I went through. I thought I could just leave them behind. Doesn’t work that way. But I’m processing and healing. And I’m steadfast. I will not go backwards.
Hope everyone is doing great. And thanks again for giving me a place to be myself… A place I can be open and honesy.
Oh also the DA dismissed my case. They didn’t give me any explanation. They actually didn’t even inform me. I found out only bc I called them to find out what was going on. That was a low that took me a moment to claw my way out of. That anger consumed me for a short while. But it is what it is. Life in life’s terms and all that.
That is success in a few short words. Good for you Kayla. You deserve to feel good about this whole, healthy, growing, multifaceted self. She’s wonderful Keep it up!
Thank you!I’m trying my best. As that’s all I can do. I had to learn to accept that reality… I want to better myself and I want to be at a different place in my life already. But I have to work and be patient and not let it feel like failure when I’m not as far as I’d like to be. Just keep going.
