Update:
So I think I’m finally learning to handle my emotions. Well either that or I’m getting even better at dismissing them. Either way they don’t seem to have as much control over me anymore.
Still working the 2 jobs. And all 3 girls still playing softball. I’m exhausted and feel like I’m failing most days. But I just keep on keeping on. Someone is always upset. I’m spread too thin and it’s beginning to show. But I finally sat and decidedly organized my priorities. Ranking order of sorts. So, unfortunately when someone has to get the shaft I at least have an answer as to who.
I have the one job. It pays better, I have benefits, PTO and vacation time. I just got employee of the quarter here.
And I have the other one that is much more flexible, the pay is slightly less hourly but I’m allowed all the overtime I want.
And obviously I have my people. My girls and the people that outrank any job or anything else. List is extremely short but it exists lol
So… The second job seems to get short changed often. But it is what it is I suppose.
I only have so many fks to give and I shall not be wasting them lol
I’m just tired. That’s the main thing. I’m trying to be more intentional about my diet and water intake… being dehydrated and malnutrition is surely not going to help the situation.
Ive always struggled with food. I just simply don’t get hungry. I’ll forget to eat for hours… Until I feel lighted headed. Headaches. Nausea. Then I’m like oh yeah. Food. So I’m working on that.
Anyways. That’s me for now.
You are a very strong person and sounds like you have your priorities in order keep up the great work your story is very inspiring makes me feel like with some hard work and persistence there’s nothing I can’t overcome thank you
Thank you! And you absolutely can!
That is the goal right? We share our stories in hopes that somehow our struggles and mistakes will encourage or help others somehow.
You are absolutely right thank you
I really wish I could express my feelings into words as well as you and others threads that I have read
It doesn’t have to be elegant and beautiful. Recovery rarely is. It’s messy and chaotic and fumbly.
I’m going to give it a try thanks for the advice it’s greatly appreciated have a good evening
Good luck.
Day 505
I’ve spent 505 days focusing on getting myself right. Trying like hell to find my footing. Terrified to do anything. But I’m finally ready to make the big moves. All the good vibes and prayers and thoughts are welcome. These next few steps are gonna be daunting and anxiety ridden. But I will not live my life in fear. I will not put my future on hold any longer.
I found myself after years of being repressed and forced to be someone else’s version. Something others decided I was.
I’ve never been allowed to make my own decisions. I’ve never been allowed to live my life and now I’m not sure I know how. But I will find it.
I am definitely trying. I’m even letting my kids dad help me out right now. Which is…: yikes. Lol
Oh we’re good. We are friends. He’s also not my abuser…. Me and his girlfriend get along. It’s all very kosher.
Day 530.
So it’s been a mess… But it’s not beating me. I’m piecing my life together one choice at a time. One day at a time. Lately it’s been one minute at a time. But I feel good. I have hope. And I have gratitude. So as far as I’m concerned. I’m winning. 
You sure are winning Kayla! Makes me happy to see it. You’re incredibly strong. One step at a time. Hugs.
Just followed you on TT. That is another source of great recovery for me 
Oh right on. Im working in sharing my struggles there.
Thank you. 🥲 I’m really trying.
Update: So I just hit 18 months clean and sober a couple of days ago. A lot has happened in the last month or so. I moved across the state. My girls and I have our own place finally! I’m working on myself as a person now. Not just surviving and staying sober. It’s a little intimidating… I have no one there. But I needed the change for sure.
I think they’re happy 
I know I am.
