Kinda lost 😞

Im not sure what to do. I haven’t relapsed, but I’m about to. Im almost 4 months clean, but i just can’t. It’s difficult. It really is. Im scared to be clean. It has been a crutch for so long that I’m not sure what to do without it. 🫥

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Hi, have you tried to get onto an online meeting and see how you feel after doing that?

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I go to Celebrate Recovery on Monday nights and that helps a little bit? I think

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You’ve done the right thing coming here!!

Maybe take some time to think about what has triggered you, why you would choose your DOC because of that trigger, what will happen if you do relapse……the phrase used is “play the tape through to the end”.

Relapsing will only bring you further problems with zero benefit.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

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What is your Drug of choice ? Mine is alcohol if so this is the same for you this an online 24 hour day and night zoom meeting code :

2923712604

You can join with your audio and camera off and just listen in, no one will know your there
Also there is an app called ‘in the rooms’ where there are meetings for all different substances.

Or you can stay here an chat for a bit, I just think if you wait an hour you will feel very different to how you do now.
These feelings are temporary and do go away.

Has something happened for you to feel like this ?
4 months is along time, do you really want to reset that?
Will using really be how you imagine it will be ?

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Mine is cutting and alcohol. I havent cut in almost 4 months and havent drank in 10.

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That’s brilliant you have been able to manage for that amount of time, I know it can be really tough.
What has helped you through some of those days that where tougher than others?

I’m glad you reached out here for support.
Your stronger than you know, look how far you have came already, that’s true strength to get where you are.
Do you have any close family or friends who you are able to visit or have them come over?
Have you eaten? I know for me when I’m hungry I get triggered.

Jump onto that zoom meeting.

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Im currently in the car with family so ill jump in when i can. And I’ve only been able to come through it with the Lord (not sure if you believe in God, but I do (and its okay if you don’t)) and my boyfriend helps out a lot. Hes very helpful when i get triggered and depressed.

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I beleive in God, also I’m glad to know you have people around you who are supportive and understand what your going through.

Yes definitely give that meeting a try, amazingly it’s very powerful to listen to others.

Also it’s great that you are noticing and trying to connect and reach out when your feeling low.

Your doing really well, and I’m here if you need a chat.
Iv got to cook now but im always on and off here if you need me.
I’m in the UK its 5:40pm so I better start cooking.

I hope you start to feel better and remember you are full of strength :hugs::pray:

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Thanks :blush: ill keep that in mind

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Meetings are great as already mentioned! It is scary thought to think that we can stay clean and sober forever! I sometimes get that thought too. It’s crucial that we stay in the moment. All u literally have to do is focus on 24 hours. What can u do today to stay clean? What are not doing that would be beneficial to do? This too shall pass. It really will and u will be soooo glad u didn’t have to reset ur timer of 4 months. Recovery is alot of work but it does get easier. If u have a Higher Power, pray. If ur hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, take care of ur needs. HALT is a good reminder to take care of ourselves bcuz in addiction we often neglect ourselves. Go for a walk outside or exercise or listen to upbeat music. Distract urself :slight_smile: This feeling will pass like everything else :slight_smile: wishing u all the best!

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Congratulations on your 4 months Aura.
I’m glad your checking in and posting.
I don’t think I’ve seen you around before so welcome.

I’ve shared this before when people are struggling.

After decades of numbing myself, sobriety meant actually feeling again. When I start to feel embarrassed about how erratic & up & down I was in those first few months I try and remind myself it was part of the process. I couldn’t get here without going there first.

Premeditated relapse is just choosing to ignore your own strength and submit.

It will not make you feel better tonight, and it will make you feel worse tomorrow.
:pray::heart:

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Here’s a great thread Brian started.

Stick with us. Lots of knowledge here.
:pray::heart:

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This right here has been my go to. Especially the walks. They help me meditate and analyze what I’m really feeling. Lots of those times has been fear. Fear of thinking of the rest of my life sober. This thoughts I’ve notice come out of the blue and my walk regroups me. It also allows me to be in my senses (seeing the beautiful sky, feeling the airs breeze, smelling the airs and rose bushes all down the street, hearing the birds and commotion of the freeway as I walk by) all of this to remind me to Thank God for another day. Another day he is with me and giving me the strength to push through. I end my walk with gratitude and prayer.

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